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  1. #1

    Unhappy .....very lost....................... =/

    .....Everything is so Enhanced and strange looking... i keep distracting myself.... i take Zoloft now... 4th day on it.... tomorrow i start taking double dose. Few weeks ago before this... i stopped taking my Celexa for a full month and relied on 15 beers a night with no food all day and only 3 grams of weed... EVERYDAY for a long time now.... Had a Migraine that made me think i was about to go into a Psycosis like i had a year ago.... Couldn't comprehend anything.. people would talk to me and i would cry cause i can't understand them... they spoke English.. but i still never understand what they where saying or why they where saying it... Also the t.v.. i couldn't understand the t.v So this aura migraine... made me think i was about to go back into that state of mind.. i freaked right the hell out... Now my Derealization is completely fucked... before i used to be able to cope with it.. But this level.. everything is so Bright and intense.... my useless feelings have started to go away... but when i stop and look around... shits so bright and still fucked up.. its really depressing... i bet lots of you felt this way..but in my head i don't believe it. I feel like i am the only person going through this.. and it will never Fade. If it wasn't for my Loving Grandmother... i don't think i would be around. IMO. I wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone.. It's horrible. I tried to play video games... i played last night for about an hour and a half.. i started to panic for no reason idk if its stimulation... but that got scary and i had to shut the game off... i watched some movies.... only thing to distract me from feeling like im a useless piece of crap. I wish i wasn't alone i wish people KNEW exactly what this was... I could see people say they feel the same way ect...that would make me feel better for a moment.. then later on i would think. LIES LIES LIES LIES i am the only person who feels this way in the world and something is really fucked with me. I have a girlfriend who tries to help... she doesn't get how i see things.. nobody does.. it really sucks.. for example... my Mood has been a bit better since the attack last week.. as in.. i am not crying for no reason every 5mins. And that alone makes people think i am cured.. and like what the fuck.. its been a few days.. only thing changed is my crying.. everything is still fucked and unreal to a level i can't cope with. I used to wake up.. 11am sit on my computer.. smoke a gram of weed.. wait till 6pm Buy 2 more Grams and a 12 of beer. ( HAven';t eaten all day ) then i drink my beers and smoke my weed till around 12am... i then eat a FUCK ton of food and go right to bed.. i wake up and repeat the process... and in that time i was taking my Celexa only once in awhile when it was supposed to be everyday.. Anyways i have no had drugs or Alcohol in almost a week now. When i think of something to do for fun i start to get sad.. for example its 6:30pm and i want to do something, but i know theres nothing to do. What can i do for fun? Drugs and Alcohol made things fun. Now i am stuck.. waiting for night time so i can lay in bed for 5 hours watching movies till i pass out.. only to wake up and repeat the process... I just can't do this and i feel so so alone in the world. So much to say,but it feels my words would be wasted. I seen a Psychaitrist when i was 16 and she said it was from playing World of Warcraft to much... LOL WHAT?!?!? What the fuck... so let me get this straight.. she takes College ect... for years... to get her Medical Degree... and her assesment... is me being depressed and playing games to long. Yet i have 100% of the Symtoms of Derealizaiton and depresonaliaztion. WOW i thought Canada was good for Dr.s But this one really pissed me off and made me lose hope... I am 23 now.. seen my dr last week who put me on the Zoloft.. she said it sounds like Derelization ect.. but the tone she said it with.. all Confused... makes me really doubt Doctors know anything at all.. which in the end makes me feel more lost and alone. The bottle says give the pills a few weeks for full effect, but i am having trouble just getting through a day. Last night i started to cry randomly and panic and feel confused.. because my cat annoyed me... She came in the room.. i shooshed her out.. she came back.. and i felt so overhwlemed i just broke down. What the fuck does that mean?! i am going bat shit here and i feel lost.. My Grandma works with old people in nursing homes.. she talked to a nurse who works in mental hospitals.. the Nurse doesn't know much about Derealization ect... WOW did that make me feel like shit.... Anyways... this is a lot to read, but as i type its the only thing keeping me from wanting to ram my face into a wall. help...
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  2. #2
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    Wait, 3 grams of weed a NIGHT? I haven't read beyond that..

    Ok I read the whole thing and you said 3 grams a day plus 15 beers. That's a lot of alcohol and drugs even for me. I never did the weed bit but the alcohol on its own will do your head in. I'm not surprised you feel so messed up. Doctors generally won't understand this kind of thing unfortunately.

    All I can suggest is you hang in there. You'd probably be best off in detox/rehab to be honest.

    Take it easy!
    Gypsy x
    Last edited by gypsylee; 05-11-2015 at 05:52 PM.
    Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. —Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Game of Thrones

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by gypsylee View Post
    Wait, 3 grams of weed a NIGHT? I haven't read beyond that..
    For the past few years i would smoke at least 3 grams a day.. 1 in the morning 2 at night.. if i had more money or friends over it would be around 4 grams sometimes. And i never Ate during the day.. i had it in my mind.. if i eat during the day.. and drink at night.. that alcohol will go into my food and not my blood and i will waste my Drunkness.. So.. yeah.. would do that not eat... and i started to get obsessed with puking too. if i ate to much i would start to puke on purpose and in the morning i would sometimes puke then i would start my weed smoking and gaming then wait till night.... drink.. eat and repeat.. it took my 4 months to finish 1 month supply of anti depressant pill Celeax.. which i was supposed to take everyday.. instead i took it sometimes.. then eventually a week break.. then take it.. then miss a few days ect.. now im fucked right up i hate myself. i should have been eating healthier i know ect ect....but it was really hard.. plus i been on house arrest the past 2 years... this Wednesday is my last day and i am 100% free... Really funny how this Kicks in.. RIGHT when im about to have 100% freedom law wise. i am about 375lbs 6''8 I always hated the way i looked, yet i got a loving gf who is a clear 10/10 '' likes me for my personality ect '' Very helpful but i also feel like a fuck up. I hate hate hate how people seem to think.. hes better now because his mood is changed.. meanwhile the world still looks fake as fuck i really hate this... beyond anything..
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  4. #4
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    Like I said in another thread of yours, are you actually a bear?

    Yeah I've known a lot of smokers in my time and 3 grams/day is definitely a lot. But in a way you should feel a bit better knowing there's an obvious reason for why you feel so weird. That amount of weed plus all that beer is a a ton of chemicals to be putting in your brain.

    I'm glad you have your girlfriend and your grandma. You can pull through this but it'll be hard. I've detoxed at home a few times (from different stuff) - never been to actual detox or rehab but come close. You just have to really take it easy and look after yourself as best you can. Eat, take your meds, sleep, shower, drink water etc. And take it one day at a time. Gradually you get better.

    Keep us posted ok?

    Gypsy x
    Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. —Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Game of Thrones

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by gypsylee View Post
    Like I said in another thread of yours, are you actually a bear?

    Yeah I've known a lot of smokers in my time and 3 grams/day is definitely a lot. But in a way you should feel a bit better knowing there's an obvious reason for why you feel so weird. That amount of weed plus all that beer is a a ton of chemicals to be putting in your brain.

    I'm glad you have your girlfriend and your grandma. You can pull through this but it'll be hard. I've detoxed at home a few times (from different stuff) - never been to actual detox or rehab but come close. You just have to really take it easy and look after yourself as best you can. Eat, take your meds, sleep, shower, drink water etc. And take it one day at a time. Gradually you get better.

    Keep us posted ok?

    Gypsy x
    Actual bear lol.. and yeah i am trying to take it easy..i keep missing the intoxication now a bit.. i know it will make it worse, but i miss the numbness to the boredom.. it's tough. Thanks though!

  6. #6
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    Sober up, for now, then tackle your anxiety problem. I said in another thread, DP will likely be the most difficult thing you ever face. Took me 3 years to beat it and a suicide attempt.

    Get your head in the game, get up for the fight. It's likely that to get over this, you'll need to do a lot of soul searching and a lot of emotional rebalancing. The pot is just gonna make the whole thing as confusing as fuck.

  7. #7
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    Oh, and dude, please use paragraphs!!!! I love my eyes the way the are.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by jessed03 View Post
    Sober up, for now, then tackle your anxiety problem. I said in another thread, DP will likely be the most difficult thing you ever face. Took me 3 years to beat it and a suicide attempt.

    Get your head in the game, get up for the fight. It's likely that to get over this, you'll need to do a lot of soul searching and a lot of emotional rebalancing. The pot is just gonna make the whole thing as confusing as fuck.
    3 years? mines been with me for 7 years now.. -_-

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helplessand23 View Post
    3 years? mines been with me for 7 years now.. -_-
    Just shows that it doesn't go unless you really get on top of things. Looking back, I probably could have suffered for a lifetime with it. As would most that suffer from it. Thankfully I was able to find out a lot of great info that make a world of difference.

    It comes down, usually, to one (or both) of two things:

    The first is poor adrenal health. This is caused by stress, poor diet, drugs, etc... This is something I'm pretty sure that you, like most others here, have an issue with.

    The second thing is repressed emotions. For whatever reason, emotions have become too strong and you can't handle them. It's almost like they're overflowing. I like to think of that spacey head feeling as like a gas leak. The pressure inside the body, the tank, has become so extreme that the emotions have started to seep out into the body causing psychosomatic symptoms. This can be caused by an inability to deal with the anxiety present. It can be caused by extreme frustrations at the condition or at something else in your life. It can be caused by past trauma. It can even be caused by a combo of things.

    Fixing up the adrenals, getting healthy, that's not too difficult. Takes a little bit of money to eat well, and a little time to do some research, but that's doable. The real challenge is figuring out what emotions have been repressed, why they've been repressed, and how you can find peace with this issue that causes so much tension.

    Get on top of those two things and you won't have DP/DR, in my opinion. I think it's as simple as that.

    Reading your post I could have broken a red highlighter if I'd have marked the ways you're busting your adrenals and almost worsening your emotional repression.

 

 

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