Hi guys! So, my name's Nina and I'm 19 years old. I'm in my first year of college and I've had panic attacks most of my teenage life. However, in the past month or two it's turned from the rare, adequately handled panic attack to smaller, more chronic panic throughout the day. At first I thought maybe I was going crazy...it surely feels that way, doesn't it? But I don't want this to have such an impact on my life anymore. I have been in contact with my primary doctor but I haven't really found a therapist that works with my insurance yet. I'm trying to avoid medication at all costs--my sister has panic disorder as well and she says medications she tried flattened her out and made her feel like a zombie. If anyone's reading this, it'd be cool to get your opinion on that. Anyway, I thought at first that maybe it was just some sort of existential crisis that spurred this constant anxiousness/weird perception (which may very well be the case). But as I think more about it, the idea of embracing adulthood and thinking about my future...my friends...my family, and really just the preciousness of it all has piled all together to make me very uneasy all of the time. I experience a lot of depersonalization when I have anxiety. And then there's periods of time throughout the day where I feel completely normal and I'm thinking: wow, why was I feeling so anxious and paranoid? I'm fine now. I hope it stays this way. But the problem with anxiety is it comes in waves, and I'm learning to battle that. College students especially, you gotta know how all this feels. The crushing weight of sudden adulthood, the strange feeling of being alone but surrounded by people. If anyone my age is reading this, it'd be real cool to start talking. I'd feel much better knowing I'm not the only college kid who feels like they're going crazy but actually has a mental disorder (for lack of a better phrase) to pin it on. I'm working through all of this, one day at a time. It's tough, but I'm determined to hold onto my life and all of the meaning I've packed into it.
I apologize for this obscenely long post. Hopefully a brave few trudged through it. Thanks for reading, guys :)