hey everyone... i'm collin, i'm from holland, and my anxiety has been ruining everything lately.
i have a very sweet and caring girlfriend, and i adore her very much. but like me, she's got her own problems; she has been diagnosed with ptsd and chronic fatigue.
my anxiety has taken over control and every day i need to ask for confirmation because it's been ruining my perception badly. my girlfriend always handled me with care and with love, but she's come to a point of melting down.
her ptsd is related to emotional abuse, which included anxiety, and our situation is heading down the same road, something which i had never wanted. my anxiety has gotten so bad, that i have scared her away from all good things, because my anxiety drains her so much, and she wishes i'd stop confronting her about it.
i don't want to confront her with it so much either, but i always mess up - the past two weeks, i've triggered her three times, and i feel torn up and guilty about it. today she snapped at me and told me that she doesn't want to lose me over this, but she's at a really big loss and doesn't know what to do. she binge ate an entire bag of popcorn and almost threw up because she was so desperate. i'm trying my best to get help for my anxiety, i've been looking for therapy and medicine, but nobody seems to be available yet. my girlfriend told me that if i can't learn to not confront her with it and give her a break, she can't talk to me anymore.
i've offered a week rest for her, but she said she couldn't handle my absense, because due to her condition, she's got very few people left to interact with... she also told me that she loves me for who i am as a person - happy, energetic, optimistic.
i'm so scared that i won't be able to keep myself in check and that she'll always be scared and i'll lose her. i absolutely don't want to lose her, she's my treasure...
i don't know what to do... i've lost myself...