Confrontation To Contemplation

[Ponder]

Yea great Movie, I remember both my wife and I really like that one. Will definitely watch this again as my perception has not doubt changed and I will see even more this time around .

Regarding the alternate ending. This is proving a little more difficult to acquire. Lots of Viral exe's I will not touch and so forth. I have the movie in transit now, but will have to source out the Alternate ending on Youtube ... don't know. I wont be signing up or subscribing to get a hold of it ... perhaps there is some forum discussion elsewhere on it as well. I can see there is much discussion online at any rate.

Will share my thoughts when I get a chance to take in ... I think I will watch this a few times just to be sure.

No doubt a lot of Drama - but for sure ... I think its a good injection compared to much else that's on offer.

__________________________________________________ __

Thanks Guys - I got a report from my daughter that grandson is feeling a little better this morning. Both are extremely tired. After I see my therapist today, will pop in to give support. Will have to watch movie and get back on that score much later as so much going on. Also just finished a Marathon Photo Shoot for more products now listed on eBay. I ended up listing ALL my camera gear minus my little compact. It just felt like the right thing to do as I now make the transition into doing the computer classes. Ended up getting rid of fifty items ... now going to research two.

33% and counting - that movie should also make for a good rest. TY

I wish both you guys nothing but good thoughts and appreciate very much your insights.

[Ponder]

I have no chance to watch as yet - It's not something I wish to watch until fully recharged.

For now I came across a good page with a well written PLOT. It's been a good primer. Already I struggle with this whole notion of Heaven and then HELL - the Live life well or you will end up punishing yourself. The whole theme (accountability and self repressed GUILT - One's Choice) ... at first glance brings about a knee jerk reaction to reject such as no more than typical religious weak minded thinking and so on ... so on with my bias. BUT - I think I can do better than that. I really do need to reign myself in from the extreme with regard to rejecting love and light as it could possibly exist within my own reality if I would just let it. The whole Lizard theory about them sucking us dry and using us as no more than paint ... I think is best left to those stuck in their own hell.

I guess we can learn a lot from Drama after all. LOL - It's not your average movie and many have rated it kind of low for somting I would of thought was a master piece. Of course each to their own. Even when I knew less than I think I might know now ... back in the day as I remember it well now ... I really loved that movie and saw much in it back then.

I found something interesting about the title. The title of the movie is derived from [cut and paste] William Shakespeare's "Hamlet" Act 3, Scene 1 - "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause..."

Interested I searched some more and looked into hamlet - that part of the scene. More good stuff.

Here is the Link to the PLOT I found written well:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Dr...me_(film)#Plot



Summery and Analysis of the act 3 scene 1 to that context that spawn the title:

http://www.cliffsnotes.com/literatur...ct-iii-scene-1


Perhaps too much I know ... but I just skimmed and found it all interesting ...

again I will watch later and let you know further ............

Lots of good stuff about reality on so on ... reading the plot there really helped to set the scene ... looking forward when I can rest proper for a good watch.

________________________________________


Men's group tomorrow - had a really great session with my therapist/councler or whatever you wish to call them. I like this lady and so glad I kept going until I found one that could chime with me. Certainly not a case of me running - Now I know for sure. You don't know until you move on - don't get pegged or peg yourselves if things don't feel right in such ruts regarding those that do little to help. Good focus and energy this lady has. I like very much.

eBay sales are panning out pretty good. I have organised the projector now. Just need a screen and also going to get another laptop. Will have those things by end of next week. It was something about desire - but that word does not gell well with me ... more like inspired to give things another go and do what I know I can do well when I try and have the space. The intention seems to becoming alive all by itself more than it is just me - or MYSELF ... I know the power comes from within and all that ... but ... its not since I started trying to reconnect with other people that genuine want to help others that I could well up with what was needed ... so on some ways, whilst we say its all from within ... I think I might have to balance that as well ... by letting others in. I only excel when I have the chance to help - but in a space that allows me to move. I don't know .............. sometimes we need things outside ourselves to find a reason and dare I say purpose ... yet another word rather tainted for me ... that one hard to explain....

thing is my head races ultra fast .... I got the breathing down not too bad this last month ... I confronted the hospital not too bad ... the next goal is to slow down with my speech and same with my thoughts.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Night Night.

[Im-Suffering]

You and I have the same oversoul, or entity. "we are the puppets". We have much in common. I was born into a Jewish family, so much of the same beliefs were instilled but from a different 'angle'. Where you were taught that somehow you were to be punished, I was taught that I should self-punish. I was raised in an atmosphere of guilt. "Atmosphere' meaning it was pervasive in everything. Even God beat us up.There is no end to the 'victim' role. Of course theres much more, but, why even bother going into it.

Not only did i have to watch everyone else have a christmas tree and wonderful experiences, (so depressing as a kid to not celebrate that holiday) but i was dragged to friends houses (parents friends) christmas eve, to build all of their presents, like bikes, train sets, and put it under the tree for them in the morning. I was good at tinkering and building, this went on from maybe 10 yr old to 13 or so. The next morning of course I woke up with nothing. I was an elf-slave.

No matter what, Jews are always persecuted (this is their perspective, not mine. and so MONEY is the only power they feel could save them, by overpowering their seeming aggressors, more obvious bullshit). Talk about fucked up beliefs, head trips, and a lousy lot in life. I searched for the benefit of being a Jew, but couldnt find one, even in synagogue among friends, its depressing. Just DEPRESSIVE, LONELY, PERSECUTED, VICTIMIZED.

Heck, until I was 17 and able to escape the persecution by my own family, (then my mom up and died on me right before i 'ran away')...I thought my heritage, my future would be filled with concentration camps, symbolically, if 6 million Jews could be swept up and killed at a moments glance, where was the safety? In America? I felt if my peers could have killed the 'kike' they would have.

So at 17 mom up and died of pancreatic cancer in a MONTH, and I split like the wind with my cross in tow, years later dad asked me, why did you leave me alone so quickly after she died? well, i thought, you hated my fuckin guts, but i never said that. All i could do was apologize and say "sorry ive been such a disappointment" even then in my worst moment of them all, i was still the victim, persecuted and weak. Like the woman and children led into the gas chambers, i thought. "Please step this way for your showers".

And you thought I was pushing religion on you all these months when i talk about God? I feel love in me, and i know you do too, despite the upbringing, in spite of all the lousy crap. So I came to the conclusion God is love. And those foolish idiots that persecute themselves (in my case), or others (in your case) or both, (in both cases) are just that...fools. Far and away from any self evident truths. Now maybe Im no closer, but i sure as hell, no pun intended, wont hate. And if im slapped silly, I give the other cheek. Let them have that one too.And believe me i was stabbed with pencils, kicked in the back, punched in the throat, chastized, ridiculed, put down,and whatever other fun things to do we can think of. Sometimes by 100 people at a time.


I remember at about 15 I rebelled. I did not want to be a Jew. And so I bought the biggest, gaudiest, cross i could find, for both my ears and chain, and promptly had a tattoo of a lil devil getting drunk put on my arm, and let me tell you....the shit hit the fan from then on out, i was no longer 'his son', but some freak outcast - a 'miserable' - and often felt 'despised' - yes thats the word, he despised me. I wasnt worth a nickle, or when i decided to off myself, (bleeding ulcer) and vomit a gallon of blood in the doctors office, I had no more than a 5 minute visit in 2 weeks at the hospital. And during that 5 minutes "i" still felt like the 'disgrace'.

No one has to wonder why 'Im-suffering'.

But the most interesting part of this story is, you and i are on the opposite ends of the world. When you go to sleep, I am getting up. Think about it. Between the both of us, if you put us together - youve got a functioning set of eyes round the clock.

The entity or oversoul gets a 24/7 perspective. We will probably die around the same period too, give or take a few years. What good is one without the other? Now ofcourse there are many of us, so...this may be a dramatization, or is it?

So get your zzzzzzzz's, and while you do, Ill stare at my blade of grass.

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One more thing. People come on these boards by the thousands and say, OMG look at all these physical symptoms, what do i do, OMG !!! Without ever giving up their stories. Oh, the stories dont matter, just face the fear ! they say. What fear ? The fear of an attack? Where the fuck does that come from?

Its comes from a dam story, so tell it already, shit. FEEL IT. Oh thats right, they are feeling it, just look at the 'anxiety symptom list'. But they dont put 2 and 2 together. 'sure i was raped by my cousin but that has nothing to do with it, why do i feel fearful and dizzy, no really, should i drink some herbal tea?' - WTF?

And believe you me, they all got stories too, every one of them- and thats the reason for the fuckin anxiety in all of us to differing degrees - but they wont face the thing - but now you and i know a secret, like a ticking time bomb its inside them. So now you know why i do what i do, with the tone and all. Although I am clairsentient, and have always been. when i showed it as a kid they threw me in the shrinks office (mom, i hear voices, and thoughts and stuff).

The parent would say "gee, look at that 7 year old, how screwed up it is, i wonder how it got that way?', saying this, while the movie 'the omen' was fresh in their pitiful minds. "Oh no, its not my fault !"

[Im-Suffering]

ok, so thats a rap then.

[Dahila]

Guys I admire you for telling your story ............

[Im-Suffering]

I believe early on we set the tone for life. The 'tone' say of the underlying feelings that lay beneath the surface as we grow.

Somehow I cant shake 'sadness'. I cant shake it for the life of me. If I translate the feeling is it pain?

For example, I was born 8/10/63 and not more than 3 months later JFK was killed. I remember, the sadness - a turning point for my parents and their beliefs, the crying the disbelief. Not more than 24 months later my sister was stillborn as mother held her, named her, I remember my crib at home but blocked out the days following her return home, empty handed so to speak. That pain was too much. What happened to mom? And my sister? Too young to process. Too old now to process.

Sadness after sadness, and so forth, the 'tone' of the household. Good people, but sadness....Trying to smile. Life went on. Religion was connected in a very personal way to this 'sadness'. So much to 'atone' for, they gave it a day.

Certainly Ive settled my debt with sadness, but it wont take its grips off me, and i am blocked to channel anything about myself. I cant hold the focus. But...i am getting something.

She says (the feeling seems like 'mother') "life starts now", when? "Now.", every "now". As I was sitting here reflecting, I remembered the nights of screaming pain, 1984 - so i was 20, not 17, my bedroom was across the hall, and for 2 weeks straight night after night, most of the night, moaning and screaming in pain (from the cancer). I can only imagine how my father handled that sleeping in the same bed - But I remember the anger, it wasnt even fear, I was really pissed.

In the hospital not a month later unable to speak, didnt last the night I stood over her and said "I promise Ill make something of my life mom", at 20 fuckin years old. Was that because of the shit belief that father nailed into me that I was worthless, or was that because I wanted to make her happy, knowing Id be ok. I was afterall, such a disappointment.

And now she says to me, right now as I type, "life starts now", "every now is a new life" -

EVERY NOW IS A NEW LIFE

Ive got to break for a bit

[Ponder]

We are all ears too

Dahila ... It goes without saying how appreciated and relieving it feels to know that such does not go unheard.


I'm Suffering - I too am thankful for your share. That explains a lot. I hope I may still have the honor of calling you Marc.

That men's group now beckons me and I have to pick up my grandson for a couple of days for some intense baby sitting.

Having said that though ... I am immensely relieved that we are now talking - also like I said in chat ... a little joy wells within.

__________________

I know you halfway through a response and we both don't have much time ... I will for sure catch back up in here when I am more able in spirit.

Don't worry - I will think good thoughts on my own blade of grass till I return.

Please do keep going as you wish. In here I am all ears! ... despite my own rambling ... but again so so happy that we can share like so.

What you say is very very close to my heart.

I must go.

Nothing but warm thoughts to you both.

TY.

[Ponder]

.... again TY form the bottom of my heart ... I will be back ... its just a blade of grass thing ... (TY for sharing that one with me as well.) YOU ARE A GREAT TEACHER - I see that now.

I will be back ...

[Goomba]

"One more thing. People come on these boards by the thousands and say, OMG look at all these physical symptoms, what do i do, OMG !!! Without ever giving up their stories. Oh, the stories dont matter, just face the fear ! they say. What fear ? The fear of an attack? Where the fuck does that come from?

Its comes from a dam story, so tell it already, shit. FEEL IT. Oh thats right, they are feeling it, just look at the 'anxiety symptom list'. But they dont put 2 and 2 together. 'sure i was raped by my cousin but that has nothing to do with it, why do i feel fearful and dizzy, no really, should i drink some herbal tea?' - WTF?"

I think this is the best thing I have ever seen you post.

Can't get any more real, or accurate.

Even though I feel sometimes it takes making sense of the fear to put the story into perspective, I more often feel that when I recommend confronting fears as a part of moving forward, the reflection aspect as to why the fears exist is easily overlooked.

People want quick answers and solutions, its an epidemic of modern society.

I respect you for sharing your story.

Also, sorry for intruding ponder. : )

[Im-Suffering]

"One more thing. People come on these boards by the thousands and say, OMG look at all these physical symptoms, what do i do, OMG !!! Without ever giving up their stories. Oh, the stories dont matter, just face the fear ! they say. What fear ? The fear of an attack? Where the fuck does that come from?

Its comes from a dam story, so tell it already, shit. FEEL IT. Oh thats right, they are feeling it, just look at the 'anxiety symptom list'. But they dont put 2 and 2 together. 'sure i was raped by my cousin but that has nothing to do with it, why do i feel fearful and dizzy, no really, should i drink some herbal tea?' - WTF?"

I think this is the best thing I have ever seen you post.

Can't get any more real, or accurate.

Even though I feel sometimes it takes making sense of the fear to put the story into perspective, I more often feel that when I recommend confronting fears as a part of moving forward, the reflection aspect as to why the fears exist is easily overlooked.

People want quick answers and solutions, its an epidemic of modern society.

I respect you for sharing your story.

Also, sorry for intruding ponder. : )

Hey, good to see you. Thanks.