I have known about my anxiety for about 2 years and i am taking Citalopram and Diazepam. There have been a lot of deaths in my family which brought out my anxiety. When i found out my grandad was going to die, to distract myself i picked up a blade and cut my arm. The pain distracted me from having anxiety attacks at first but now since he has died, i crave it. I am scared of my own thoughts. If i see a knife or sharp object i want to use it to cut on my arm and i don't understand why no more. I have told my doctor about cutting myself, but not the part about actually craving it. He has referred me to a therapist which may take weeks, and these urges seem to be getting stronger. I am frightened.