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  1. #1
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    Therapy going awry......

    I have not been on a date in 4 years, intimacy a little longer. I am so frustrated. Being in my mid thirties this is not where I thought I would be. I have been in therapy for six months and I like my therapist, but she is not listening to me. She won't give me any input which is frustrating because I am willing to do all the work. She has recommended mindfulness which is a good mood stabilizer,but doesn't help with the general feeling one might have about their situation. Also, I live with my Mom and Dad which is wonderful..... My therapist keeps telling me that once my situation is so intolerable then I will change. I have been doing work. That is like lawyer telling a client that they will be acquitted if they tell the truth. See Richard Kimble and countless others on why that is not sound advice. The truth has to be solidified around strong legal argument just like goals have to be solidified around a strong treatment plan.

  2. #2
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    Hi Baker

    I'm not sure what you are trying to say here about living with your parents and what the therapist is saying. Can you please explain?

    Cheers,
    Gypsy x
    Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. —Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Game of Thrones

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by gypsylee View Post
    Hi Baker

    I'm not sure what you are trying to say here about living with your parents and what the therapist is saying. Can you please explain?

    Cheers,
    Gypsy x
    In regards to my parents, I am just explaining the nature of my situation. I understand why the connection might seem unclear. My therapist frequently says that until I am fed up that I will not have the motivation to change. This seems and is consistent with the trend in therapy. Therapist because the individuality of every client, are asking their patients to come up with their own solutions. I agree that clients are responsibility for their own lives,but they should brainstorm with their therapists to come up with solutions,not bare the responsibility alone. The reason why anyone seeks professional help of any nature is because they want help in fine tuning and organizing their approach to solving the problem. My therapist gives me an empathetic look and shrugs her shoulders. I think it's unrealistic for therapists to expect their clients to come up with the answer just like it's unrealistic for a doctor to expect a patient to provide their own health care.

  4. #4
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    It sounds to me like your therapist had a very hard-nosed opinion on what it takes for people to get better. Some therapists are born to do their work, while others just seem to be jaded to the plights of others. My recommendation is to find one that may be a little more tactful in their approach towards you and see if that makes any difference in your current opinions towards therapy.

  5. #5
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    Where is my life going???

    Quote Originally Posted by jpkirkpa View Post
    It sounds to me like your therapist had a very hard-nosed opinion on what it takes for people to get better. Some therapists are born to do their work, while others just seem to be jaded to the plights of others. My recommendation is to find one that may be a little more tactful in their approach towards you and see if that makes any difference in your current opinions towards therapy.

    My life is so distressing to me. I am in my mid thirties and for the last 10 years I have done more or less than same thing for those ten years. Everyday I go to my alma mater's library and go on the computer. Yes, I have worked,but my free time has consisted of mainly going to the library. Not having been intimate in the last few years, I wonder, what is wrong with me? Despite a constructive conversation I had with my therapist, I still feel somewhat lost. School is in session so on average I am probably 10-15 years older than the average undergrad. Is that normal? Despite dating, I have never been in a serious relation ship. I don't expect my therapist to satisfy my biological imperatives, but I kind of feel like there is no plan. I should write no coherent plan. I don't know.....

  6. #6
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    Ok, sorry for the delayed response. What are you actually seeing the therapist for? You don't say if you have anxiety or what. It doesn't sound like you're getting very far with the therapist.

    It sounds like your biggest worry is not being in a relationship? What do you do on the computer at the library?
    Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. —Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Game of Thrones

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by gypsylee View Post
    Ok, sorry for the delayed response. What are you actually seeing the therapist for? You don't say if you have anxiety or what. It doesn't sound like you're getting very far with the therapist.

    It sounds like your biggest worry is not being in a relationship? What do you do on the computer at the library?
    Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I look for work or google various things. Not that I think your implying this,but I don't look at anything salacious. I have general anxiety disorder and a little social anxiety. I am in a mindful group which is helpful and which run by my therapist. However, I find it tedious because my therapist says the same 100 different ways. I am sympathetic because she might see blank expressions. I am an active listener by nature and find the repetition wasteful of my time. The most I learn is in the last ten minutes of the group when she describes an exercise.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by baker333 View Post
    I have not been on a date in 4 years, intimacy a little longer. I am so frustrated. Being in my mid thirties this is not where I thought I would be. I have been in therapy for six months and I like my therapist, but she is not listening to me. She won't give me any input which is frustrating because I am willing to do all the work. She has recommended mindfulness which is a good mood stabilizer,but doesn't help with the general feeling one might have about their situation. Also, I live with my Mom and Dad which is wonderful..... My therapist keeps telling me that once my situation is so intolerable then I will change. I have been doing work. That is like lawyer telling a client that they will be acquitted if they tell the truth. See Richard Kimble and countless others on why that is not sound advice. The truth has to be solidified around strong legal argument just like goals have to be solidified around a strong treatment plan.
    Hello, my dating life is similar. What are your other interest aside from the library?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by baker333 View Post
    Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I look for work or google various things. Not that I think your implying this,but I don't look at anything salacious. I have general anxiety disorder and a little social anxiety. I am in a mindful group which is helpful and which run by my therapist. However, I find it tedious because my therapist says the same 100 different ways. I am sympathetic because she might see blank expressions. I am an active listener by nature and find the repetition wasteful of my time. The most I learn is in the last ten minutes of the group when she describes an exercise.

    There is something called dialectical thinking in which one entertains the idea that there are several different truths in addition to their own. It would be nice if my counselor acknowledged that I had some valid concerns regarding therapy. Now, she does not say that I am way off base or anything like that,but here non-verbals have a resistant edge to them. She says I have some therapy interfering behaviors. Upon reflection this seems like a incredibly obvious statement. Of course, I have some interfering behaviors just like a mouse who has been snared by it's endeavors to capture the cheese. I don't want to be snared again. Now I recognize and have made strides in fighting against my natural instincts. Again, I repeat, a therapist responsibility,is to help you fine tune and build your skills so you can overcome any mental road blocks. Frankly,though, I am torn because I like my therapist,but I wonder where is the therapy getting me?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by baker333 View Post
    There is something called dialectical thinking in which one entertains the idea that there are several different truths in addition to their own. It would be nice if my counselor acknowledged that I had some valid concerns regarding therapy. Now, she does not say that I am way off base or anything like that,but here non-verbals have a resistant edge to them. She says I have some therapy interfering behaviors. Upon reflection this seems like a incredibly obvious statement. Of course, I have some interfering behaviors just like a mouse who has been snared by it's endeavors to capture the cheese. I don't want to be snared again. Now I recognize and have made strides in fighting against my natural instincts. Again, I repeat, a therapist responsibility,is to help you fine tune and build your skills so you can overcome any mental road blocks. Frankly,though, I am torn because I like my therapist,but I wonder where is the therapy getting me?
    So do you have one-on-one counselling plus the group? Or just the group? And you don't have to go do you?

    You just need to decide whether you think it's worth going or not. If it's not getting you anywhere then maybe use the time and energy to do something else. You could even look for a different therapist. But good therapists are few and far between..
    Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is. —Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Game of Thrones

 

 

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