My Hypochondria Was The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Me

[jessed03]

Pity there are no active mods around to sticky this thread.

Still, at least it keeps getting bumped.

It's been a good read. Last time I posted in here was on New Year's Day (I think). How quickly have 10 months flown by!

[Goomba]

Pity there are no active mods around to sticky this thread. Still, at least it keeps getting bumped. It's been a good read. Last time I posted in here was on New Year's Day (I think). How quickly have 10 months flown by!

I remember there was a time when I thought you were a mod. Lol.

Yeah, I said that to someone else the other day. I hadn't realized how long it had been. I had been doing good for a while before this thread as well. It reinforces (to me) that this beast of anxiety can be beat.

[aimeeelizabeth]

So, this got really bad, I legitimately thought I was losing it. Derealization. Everything. As my anxiety became out of control, my symptoms grew more and more intense/bizarre.

Just to name a few that stand out to me:

My vision was like a fun house
Head pains/tingles
Rapid heartbeat/chest pain/common resting heart rate of 90-100
Visible pulse in neck/stomach/other areas
Can feel pulse throughout entire body
No sex drive <---- Very uncommon for me
Could not get an erection/low sensitivity
Things that would normally arouse me, wouldn't
Poor ejaculation
Stomach pains
Itty bitty super skinny stools
Blood when wiping/what looked like blood on stool
Stools of all different shapes/sizes/consistencies
Irregular Bowel movements
A million different aches and pains, most of them chronic
Short of breath
Feeling off balance
Feeling as if I had an inability to comprehend information/communicate effectively
I died everyday of a stroke

I could sit here for the next hour and type out my symptoms.

Eventually I got to the point where I grew angry with my mindset. Like, a genuine fury, This wasn't ME.

Hi Goomba, thank you so much for writing thing post and for using every right word. I am going through exactly the same thing, and have been for a few months. I obsess over my symptoms- head tingles, tension, chest pain, hearing/feeling my pulse, my thoughts, my breath. I go through the day waiting to collapse. I visualize myself having a stroke, dying, collapsing. I don't know who I am anymore as I feel like I am living somewhere in limbo between life and death.

In reflective moments, I often feel that I got stalled in a period of transition/ growth in my life. (graduating, living abroad etc.) I also feel that there is something deeply spiritual and existential about anxiety and panic attacks. We are confronted with death, and our protective layer of desensitisation to the world is removed. I do believe that with the correct guidance , this can be an amazing and beautiful thing.

After reading your post, I really want to explore properly my potential and try not to overcome the anxiety but grow out it

Lots of love to you all, good luck

[Goomba]

Heyyy, it's my pleasure

The majority of the people that I have encountered that have health anxiety struggle with death to some degree. And, as you observed, spirituality, or lack thereof, is a huge component of that. I find that it usually exists in the sense of trying to grow beyond beliefs, limitations, and past pre-conceived notions - truly learning to be and have your own experience versus simply adopting what you are told via the endless avenues of media, authority, etc.

In most cases, to me, anxiety is a part of yourself that needs to grow, or a part that has begun growing and is encouraging change. It's that part of you that remembers who you truly are. Of course...that can be extremely difficult to see when having panic attacks, are feeling awful, etc.

Anxiety is a mental experience. Yes, there can be physical causes, but the part that is really debilitating, the part that interprets all of the increased physical sensations as a threat, the part that gets lost in doom - that is you (speaking generally as "one") trying to make sense of a growth process. Whether it be holding on to the past to prevent change, attempting to burst through defenses, or recognizing growth is needed, but being completely lost/scared/in pain, it's just you.

So, I say, let it out, and see what growth lies ahead. Let yourself dream again.

Just some 4 am thoughts as I'm about to pass out - sorry if some of that doesn't make sense, haha.

Thanks for your kind words.

Let me know if you'd like to explore more.

[drinae]

What a great thread! The first post was really informative. I have had periods of health anxiety before, but I don't currently suffer from it. At the moment I have a lot of anxiety about other things - so no matter what I do, anxiety keeps coming back, returning in various forms, even though I may get rid of it at times. I guess now is the time to really start working through it, to get past the underlying issues.

[Goomba]

Anxiety is tricky like that.

Right when you think you have it beat, it sneaks back up on you.

Unless you've done the work to confront the issues, all those periods of remission generally are, are periods where you have learned new ways to suppress and repress it. Lol, and as you have noticed, it will just pop back up again one day.

There is no time like the present to start kicking it in the rear!

[danielJ]

For people fearing cancer, there is completely no reason to do that. The Cancer Industry is a billion industry that earns money when there are sick people, not healthy. They don't want you to be healthy, that is why we see no cures despite overwhelming amount of money put into research. There are however, doctors that have come out with perfectly natural cancer cures and healed thousands, before getting killed by the health mafia. Just look up people like Leonard Coldwell, he is still alive I believe.

[Spiggot70]

In my experience, health anxiety is largely related to the fear of death, and quality of life. You're not afraid of getting cancer. You're not afraid of having a stroke. You are afraid of ceasing to exist. You are afraid of having to adjust the picture you painted out of how your life would be, to something else. Otherwise, who cares? People get sick all the time, no big deal. Consequently, confronting the fears will minimize the anxiety. This isn't to say that this will be everyone's experience. Everyone's issues and mental makeup are unique to them. But, the issue isn't the anxiety. The anxiety is a gift, communicating to you that you need to make adjustments.

Own your experiences. Be HONEST with who you are, and what you have been through.

After a long reflective battle (details can be discussed later), I beat my anxiety, and my symptoms ceased, almost like magic. But, I didn't just beat anxiety. I transformed myself. I grew past my deepest depths. A lot of individuals do not experience any anxiety. This is not because they are better, more "normal", or more mentally sound. It is because they are content. Any amount of self-growth, any amount of pushing beyond your boundaries, will cause anxiety. That is a beautiful thing. Follow the anxiety to its core, and grow from it.

I've always been amazed by life. Now, I am able to view the world in a way I never was able to before, and it is truly a gift.

You are growing. You are changing. You always will be.

Do not worry about what the future brings. The future doesn't exist, it is a concept. Everything is only now. When you were in the past, you were in the now. At this moment, you are in the now. When the future comes, you will be in the now. You never know what will happen to you. As children, we dream up our perfect lives, and adults reinforce it. Maybe their lives aren't perfect, maybe they just want the best for you, maybe they just want you to have peace. Nonetheless, our loved ones tell us that we will live long happy lives, free of illness. The reality is, that was NEVER a guarantee. The possibility of death exists everyday in our lives. It has always been that way.However, we perceive ourselves as having controlover many situations, such as car accidents, burglaries, etc. Health issues are particularly troublesome, because we feel as though we can't prevent it, or control it. The truth is, you can't control any of it, and that is ok. It is alright to give up control.

The only thing you can actually control in life is yourself, and how you respond to situations.

There comes a point when you realize that you aren't invincible, do not fool yourself and continue to provide false reassurances that it will be ok. We will all die. Enjoy your time now, BE ALIVE, and be amazed by all of the beauty there is to experience in this life.

The rest is a paradox of "what ifs", a complete distraction to who you are.

Find yourself through the anxiety, bring it out, and be yourself.

Thank you sir.
I think it's funny that people say stay off the interwebz about health anxiety and health symptoms, but I'm glad I found your post. My counsellor has been telling me that I'm trying to control too much. And I realize that... I KNOW that! But I'm having so much trouble finding the path to the mindset to slow it down. Your list of symptoms you had are identical to mine. I don't know if you want to, and i know that one person's way of dealing with things isn't something that works for another, but I really would like to know what you did to help yourself out. I'm not living life. I'm trying to control the outcome despite how ridiculous and futile that is.