Trying to get over agoraphobia -going out is making it worse

[nikki2008]

Ok.. so I know thats probably a stupid title..

From the start of last week onwards Ive been trying to get out more..
Last week I had to drop my son off, and pick him up from nursery 3 times (a 5min drive each way), in addition to this I took him to the park 4 times, maybe 5 (a 10 min walk each way, for little legs anyway!), I also managed to pop to my local shop (5min drive each way) maybe twice.. Then came Saturday and I was really anxious about having to go into Birmingham centre (1 hr 15 drive each way) for a conference thing with a solicitor and a barrister, so the whole weekend was spent in fear. I managed to nip out on Saturday for an hour with my fiance and our son, but that was it as I felt so sick, my belly was hurting and I felt rough in general. Over the weekend I also had that feeling like something awful was going to happen, like impending doom etc!

Then came Monday.. the minute we hit the busier traffic in Birmingham and I saw all the buildings I felt sick to my stomach and thought I would have to tell my fiance to pull over. I felt weak, my stomach was agony, I felt tired, wobbly, dizzy, and really sick, like sicky in my throat, like I could be sick at any second (does anyone else feel that bad!????). During the conference I was figeting, praying I wouldnt throw up, and about 1.5hr into it I was getting dizzy and feeling horrible.. I managed to stick it out for the 2 hours, but I was one step from running out of there, the second I was back in the car I wanted to go straight home.. again also feeling like I would be sick.

Monday I took my son to a small shopping centre type thing, I didnt want to go out and just thinking about it made me heave, but I thought I need to do something, and shopping usually takes my mind off things a little.. I felt ill again the whole time, feeling dizzy and the rest of it.. after about 45mins Id somehow managed to get my mind off things and was ok ish (maybe because deep down I knew it was about time to leave as the 1hr paid parking was up), so we went back to the car and then popped in a little shop for bread etc on the way back.
That night I couldnt stop my mind going, it was like I was plugged into the mains or something, I just felt so uneasy. I told my fiance what was wrong, that I dont feel any better what so ever for going out, and this time he had no comfort for me at all, he just hung his head and ended up walking away. Ive basically worn him down these last 4 years with my constant fears, crying, worrying, upset etc.

Yesterday I drove 30miles to my parents and Im staying here for a bit (before I end up losing him), but again I had a slight panic attatck on the drive here.

Today Ive pushed myself out to another retail park (10min drive), had a wander round one shop with my son, i felt panicy but managed it I guess. Then I pushed myself to the supercentre Asda (a further 10mins away), and paniced a bit in there too and didnt managed to go very far into the store, I just stayed near the toys etc close to the doors, which were also by the loos - I need to know where the loos are ALL the time because Im afraid I will be sick, which isnt help by the fact I feel constantly nauseous the last 4 months. 12 Months ago I was managing to do a weekly shop in there, so it just shows how bad Ive got too.


Anyway (sorry for rammbling), my question is, is this right to feel this way.. the doctor told me to stay in a situation till it gets better, but I cant, I can only manage so much before I have to leave, its not like I run for the door, but I never stay till the panic passes, as it never does pass properly until Im home again.
I dont feel any better AT ALL for going out, I just feel even more paniced, more on edge and even panicy inside now aswell as out.

Im worried that things will just get worse and worse, because theres not been a single time over the last year that Ive not been out and not paniced and now things feel the worst theyve ever felt.. Am I just going to end up in an even worse situation that I am now for forcing myself out, Im praying it wont get any worse because Im just about at my absolute limit. Im petrifed that I'll end up going mental and being admitted to a mental ward or something!

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,
N.

[ananxiousgirl]

“going out is making it worse”, what does that mean?

[AnxietyAmbz]

I can relate to this ill be slightly anxious before get ready and my son ready and i can be walking and feel like a hit a brickwall of panic. And i feel all those sensations you do and it worrys me more because my toddlers there so ill go home. Sometimes i can go further and other days not leave the front garden....you are so brave and strong the journeys you are doing try keep at it x

[alankay]

Nikki for many exposure does eventually work. Their nervous system "corrects" so to speak after seeing that if you do stay in the situation and see for yourself, the worst doesn't happen, it fades(more calming GABA is made and less adrenaline in the brain and body).
Couple possible problems(and hence the disorder). (1)Not all can tolerate the anxiety and (2)sometimes anxiety doesn't fade away completely(but it lessens).
If you have given this your best effort, tell your doc so and ask if it's proven 100% true that the anxiety clears. He's lying or not knowledgeable if he says yes BUT that has to be be tried otherwise you'll never know if it would or would not go away in your case. I don't know the percentages on this. They'd wind up medicating many folks who could otherwise overcome their anxiety instead of just those who could not tolerate it or anxiety never fades enough (so they have to try this).
Assuming you have had psychotherapy to see if a source can be found and addressed for your anxiety, it might be time to try a med. First would be an ssri which boosts serotonin. It's believed that low levels of this can cause improper functioning(dysfunction) of both GABA(calming neurotransmitter) and Adrenaline(fear neurotransmitter). The ssri helps raise serotonin to help the brains chemicals work more like their supposed to. That's the theory anyway.
All I'm saying is that if you cannot tolerate the anxiety or it never seems to fade and it's effecting you this way for a long period, a ssri should be tried.
Of course this is a personal choice and you must be the one, along with your doc on if, when, what med should be tried if at all.
If you can tolerate the anxiety keep at it as well as educating yourself on anxiety as a subject and it often clears or is very much reduced. I wish I could promise that's always happens. I know it can be beyond uncomfortable. PM me any time. Alankay