I feel like I'm running in circles!! :/

[Exactice]

Britt as brash and over bearing as Im-Suffering can be sometimes.... if you break his post down one by one... he does have some great stuff to add.....

Anyways, a quick snap shot and response.

I have been married for a year. I was engaged years before and broke off the wedding due to PTSD from Iraq. It was bad. One of the huge factors..... Communication. So my Fiance back then didnt understand and cared not to understand it. She saw it as something permanent rather than a sickness. At this point she took the, I didnt sign up for this, Im out....

Years later I married the women of my dreams. When I explained to here about my issues, she became interested. We then got married and literally a month later, I was in the hospital with a major panic attack. What did my wife do? Instead of fighting it, she opened her laptop and started to study about Panic and Anxiety and learned what she could about it, so she could understand where I was coming from.

When I had bad moments she knew it was a sickness and just like when your spouse has the flu, she took care of me just the same. Comforted me, calm me down etc. Ask your spouse to treat your panic and anxiety like when you have the flu. It goes away, but pops up whenever. The good part is, its quick not like a 3+ day flu. So all they need to do is be patient, comfort you, give you some nice hot soup and hug you to make you feel better =)

Seriously though, my wife wanted to learn and help me rather than say "I didnt sign up for this SH!T"....... that was sad and I am glad we parted ways.......

[brittany32888]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.

[Im-Suffering]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.

Keep a close eye on the self deprecation. And open, to feel. Learn how to feel yourself again. Anything that feels badly.....f.e.e.l.s - badly, is not best for you. Your feelings are your guide, that's what they are meant to do, feelings are trustworthy, you might feel one way while you speak words in another direction, all the while feeling badly and saying 'I'm just great'.. The feelings are true whereas the words are a lie.

You deserve to feel good, and I will put a period after that, because there are no exceptions, period. Get back in touch with your femininity, the strong woman, the natural, nurturing, powerful spirit.

Be ever watchful of self deprecating behavior, thoughts, words, as you will feel sick after you say them, the barometer is the feeling.

You do need him, validate that. To hold your hand, validate that, you need an open heart communication, validate that, you need warmth and love, validate that. You need a release without judgment, validate that..validate that, validate that, and feel, and express, and expect. And receive, and love, and live, and open. That is the antithesis of anxiety, period. Anxiety cannot live in that environment, because the self is fulfilled and feels good.

Ask and ye shall receive, continue to ask and ask and ask, and when your finished asking, ask some more, for the world is given to you if you ask for it. Validate, validate and validate your value as a creature expressing itself. I cannot say this stronger or more assertive to you.

[Exactice]

Beat me to it Suffering.

Britt, you "Feel" like you need him.... Treat your spouse as a bonus, not a need. You only need yourself first! then having him near you is just an added bonus. What I mean is, you are treating him like a drug. When ever you feel bad you need him around to make you feel better. That can Take its toll on him also what if he is not around you may get mad and say I needed you the most and you werent there.

So as Suffering and I are eluding to. First work on taking it on by yourself. Work on your Anxiety with out him. Challenge and use your tools/skills to handle the attacks by yourself as think of it this way, you have dealt with them all these years already. Nothing bad has "Actually" happened, you just felt crappy like most of us?

Now again I am not saying you dont need him.....He is great to have around, but dont become dependent on him and if he is not there its not his fault. He is there when he can be there!

Again start from the inside first and work your way out. You can do it! You are a strong capable women!

[sweetdaytx]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.

I feel the same time exact way with my husband.we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I truly believe that he wants to understand but he just doesn't. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety, so it's difficult for me to open up to him. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example for our baby girl.. Or that I'm crazy. It's silly,really, because he has never been cruel to me but I still cannot open up to him enough over this.

Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist...I cannot go on like this. And I need him to understand. . . I'm hoping he will.

Anyway, I hope yall find some peace together!

[brittany32888]

I feel the same time exact way with my husband.we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I truly believe that he wants to understand but he just doesn't. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety, so it's difficult for me to open up to him. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example for our baby girl.. Or that I'm crazy. It's silly,really, because he has never been cruel to me but I still cannot open up to him enough over this.

Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist...I cannot go on like this. And I need him to understand. . . I'm hoping he will.

Anyway, I hope yall find some peace together!

Thanks, so do I.
It seems with anxiety there's a constant magnified mirror in front of you. You're always seeing yourself and your imperfections in such an extreme way, sometimes it's all you may see. And in all of that, you're convinced everyone else sees you that way also.
That's a huge thing for me. I'm constantly feeling upset because I think he's judging me. But most of the time, it's just me judging myself.
I'm also ashamed of my anxiety. It's been obvious yet unspoken in my home until not too long ago really.
I don't want to struggle with everyday life.
I also feel that he thinks I affect our child negatively. He's mentioned things like him feeding off of my anxiety.
I think, "great now you're going to throw me being a bad mom on top of it all."
It only adds to the guilt.
I would love to go to the Dr. at this point, I feel I'm ready to make some real changes and progress. I'm just hesitant. If I commit to it, and things don't pan out or he doesn't see "results," will he resent me for wasting time and money on something that didn't help?
I guess it's time for a talk.
We will see.
I'm happy for you however, for committing to something and reaching out for help. You are very brave. Please let me know how it goes.

[Enduronman]

we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example. I still cannot open up to him enough over this. (Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist)

Everything that you just mentioned is a big reason why anxiety has such a hold on you. Fighting with him, for reasons that he has no real knowledge of. Your attacks seem unprovoked to him. He may wondering if it has something to do with him? Questioning himself. Doubting himself and his own abilities as a husband AND a Father too. The battlefield is filled with mines and you know where they are, he doesn't. You laid them. Feeling embarrassed by your anxiety, feeds the very anxiety that you so wish to rid yourself of. Thinking that you will be Judged by him, and your inability to open up to him, also feeds this fire within. If you truly love this man, you'll do exactly the opposite of what you have stated to level this playing field or in your case, the battlefield. You're husband and wife, with child. A family unit, as one.

Your choice to go see a doctor and therapist is the best news that I've seen thus far today. You've made my morning a good morning already because you're going to take charge and do something about this. A powerful gesture and a valiant effort! You must get this under your own control and the doctor and therapist are great tools and resources to allow you to do so. You can't go on like this, and he will understand.

You will soon find peace together friend.

Wishing you all the best this day has to offer.

E-Man

[Enduronman]

I'm constantly feeling upset because I think he's judging me. I'm also ashamed of my anxiety. I don't want to struggle with everyday life. I also feel that he thinks I affect our child negatively. (He's mentioned things like him feeding off of my anxiety.) It only adds to the guilt. I would love to go to the Dr. at this point, I feel I'm ready to make some real changes and progress. (I'm just hesitant.) I guess it's time for a talk. I'm happy for you however, (for committing to something and reaching out for help. You are very brave.)

There are strong similarities between you and Sweetday. People can sense, feel, others that are anxious even a child no matter the age. Of course, adding to your feelings of guilt and shame when there's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. It is the act of hiding and concealing this anxiety, that feeds this anxiety hidden within. That's what it wants you to do, to keep its hold upon you.

You should go see the doctor without anymore hesitation or avoidance. Work on creating that doctor patient relationship and reaching out for the help that you need to survive in this world filled with turmoil. It's time to have "the talk" as well. You will be brave as defeating anxiety is a battle in itself. It's time to take matters into your own hands Brittany. We all know you can do this anyway.

I'm not hoping that you'll find that peace that you so wish for and seek, you will find it. You just have to walk out the door and look for it. It's there.

Also wishing you the best! There are better days ahead.

E-Man

[brittany32888]

There are strong similarities between you and Sweetday. People can sense, feel, others that are anxious even a child no matter the age. Of course, adding to your feelings of guilt and shame when there's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. It is the act of hiding and concealing this anxiety, that feeds this anxiety hidden within. That's what it wants you to do, to keep its hold upon you.

You should go see the doctor without anymore hesitation or avoidance. Work on creating that doctor patient relationship and reaching out for the help that you need to survive in this world filled with turmoil. It's time to have "the talk" as well. You will be brave as defeating anxiety is a battle in itself. It's time to take matters into your own hands Brittany. We all know you can do this anyway.

I'm not hoping that you'll find that peace that you so wish for and seek, you will find it. You just have to walk out the door and look for it. It's there.

Also wishing you the best! There are better days ahead.

E-Man

I went to reply to this earlier this morning, but my poor son got sick mid-reply. Thankfully, he's better now.

I appreciate your sincerity. I feel you really read and understood what I was saying. I know that everyone tries to help, and in their own way, but sometimes I feel the responses are generic.

Reading what you wrote actually brought tears to my eyes. It was much needed and I am grateful you took the time to speak into my life.

Thank-you

[Enduronman]

I went to reply to this earlier this morning, but my poor son got sick mid-reply. Thankfully, he's better now. I appreciate your sincerity. I feel you really read and understood what I was saying. I know that everyone tries to help, and in their own way, but sometimes I feel the responses are generic. Reading what you wrote actually brought tears to my eyes. It was much needed and I am grateful you took the time to speak into my life. Thank-you

I do hope that your Son is feeling better today and also hope that You are feeling better as well.
I can fully empathize with what you were saying, I understand quite well.
This is one case in which tears are a good sign, your emotions were challenged, touched.
I have faith in you, believe in you, to act upon those suggestions, ideas, and thoughts as tough as they may be.
You're going to defeat this condition/disorder and reorganize your views of things within your mind.
It's time to clean house, clarify, define, and make the world as you see it, fit you.
Wishing you a blessed day Brittany!

E-Man