Originally Posted by
ShihTzu
Okay, here's the first "real" post I've ever made, and the agonizing situation that has spawned me even seeking help in the first place...
We can't sleep. My girlfriend and I. It's been like this for quite some time now, but we haven't been able to get a full night's sleep since we moved out from our parent's place about 3 1/2 years ago! Every little creak, rustle, crack, click, scratch, bump...you name it. I keep a crowbar next to my bed, my girlfriend keeps a baseball bat, and at any sound we're up and walking through the house with our weapons drawn high looking for the cause. We installed a pricey security system but that's done little to help. We live in a safe neighborhood, and we both know this. During the day, it's peachy! We're not afraid at all when we're at home! But as soon as the sun sets...heck, we dread night. We're just so exhausted.
Now this is good for a good chuckle, but on my end of the spectrum, I've done some things to help me sleep: I've sworn off of scary movies, reading scary books and online accounts, viewing scary images, or listening to scary sounds. For me, this is a huge dent in my life. My favorite thing in the world was (and still is) scary movies. Among my family members, I am (or was) the scary movie authority: I am that girl who just knew if any horror film was worth watching. Most circle of friends has that person. I swore off of one of my very favorite passtimes in the hope it'd magically alleviate my fear at dark: nothing. nada. zip. It's done nothing. I'm still just as scared at night and it's been close to a year now. The only thing that's changed is that I don't get to enjoy something I really enjoyed in the past. I believe in the paranormal...to an extent. I do and I don't? I don't know how to explain that, but I feel as if it might be important in some way.
On my girlfriend's end of the spectrum, she's never been a horror movie buff. She hates them. She's never been subjected to them in fact - the gore is what gets her. She doesn't want to know the hollywood portrayal of scary things because then she'll be able to imagine it herself: as a kid, this stuff spawned nightmares easily for her. She doesn't believe in the paranormal, but again...she does in a way. Her fears manifest themselves in the form of real life boogymen: the serial killers, rapists, kidnappers, ect.
On a last note, the two of us have taken this fear and researched, researched, researched. We know who is the likely candidate for murder, and we avoid being a target at all costs. It's changed our lives, I think. We don't talk to people and we don't create lasting relationships with people (did you know most murders occur between people who know each other? What better way to avoid that other than to not know anyone, right?). We don't go anywhere after dark. We don't do school functions (that may be social anxiety, I may talk about that some day). We basically take every murder or kidnapping case we've ever heard of and do the opposite. We're kind of hermits, I guess.
Okay, so I guess I should wrap this up or else I'll end up writing a novel again...basically, we can't sleep. The only form of comfort we get these days is the fact that we can stay up together and talk until we're exhausted to the point of nausea and we have to lay down together or else we'll physically be ill. It gets us to sleep, at least. Neither of us know what we're really afraid of: the general list is just...fear for our lives. We literally fear as if we're going to die every night and I don't even know how to bounce back from that or explain it to someone without sounding stupid. We both know there's nothing to be afraid of, but knowing this logically has done nothing to help us. We're just so afraid, and knowing that there's no reason for it just compounds our misery because how stupid does that sound, right? Why can't we just realize there's nothing to be afraid of and turn over for a snooze? Why do we get afraid even when we know there's nothing to hurt us?
Has anyone else ever felt this way, how do you cope with it?