new, and really need help...

[just_call_me_anything]

I've officially hit a point to where i think i could potentially crash and really destroy the little i have built for myself... i don't want to talk about myself and my life (well i do, but not with anyone, becuase i feel it would only make me seem more crazy), but the gist is i am 31 years old, and i live in a small town and really just need advice on how to get actual help without it costing me a arm and a leg, let alone the embarrassment of other knowing i have a problem...
i feel i disguise it fairly well, but i somehow destroy every relation ship i have had recently which is only a few... and i only have a couple friends i see once in awhile, that truthfully annoy the shit out of me sometimes... i actually had to get partially drunk to even get on here and do this... im just so tired of being obsessed with what people think and the heart ache of being alone, i need something to change and i just cant see it happening without actual medical help.. please someone give me advice i can use and that will help...

[gypsylee]

I've officially hit a point to where i think i could potentially crash and really destroy the little i have built for myself... i don't want to talk about myself and my life (well i do, but not with anyone, becuase i feel it would only make me seem more crazy), but the gist is i am 31 years old, and i live in a small town and really just need advice on how to get actual help without it costing me a arm and a leg, let alone the embarrassment of other knowing i have a problem...
i feel i disguise it fairly well, but i somehow destroy every relation ship i have had recently which is only a few... and i only have a couple friends i see once in awhile, that truthfully annoy the shit out of me sometimes... i actually had to get partially drunk to even get on here and do this... im just so tired of being obsessed with what people think and the heart ache of being alone, i need something to change and i just cant see it happening without actual medical help.. please someone give me advice i can use and that will help...

Hey there,

I'm not sure how to help because I don't know where you live or what services are available there.

There are lots of helpful people here though and even talking to people online can make a big difference when you have depression/anxiety.

All the best.. You certainly aren't alone in feeling like this.
Gypsy