Do any of you have the same problem I do? **NEED ADVICE**

[reflectivenight]

Basically, I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder last year. However, for as long as I can remember I've had anxiety problems over my brother's safety.

What happens is that (particularly) at the end of a school day I will start to feel very sick, get jumpy, check my phone for the time constantly, open up his contact in my phone and pack up completely ready for when the bell goes. As soon as the bell goes, I go straight to our meeting place and either when I get there (or before) I will call him and ask which class he is coming out of, although every day I know what his last class is (it's just to check). The calling has been going on since the beginning of last year when he graduated from Year 7 to attend my high school.

* The origin of this 'safety' need began when I was younger. I was playing hide and seek with my brother when I around 6 years old, and I had no idea where he had hidden (we were playing in our street with one other girl his age). I went to my parents and eventually we were all looking for them. One of adult suggested that they had run out of the street and maybe been hit or picked up by a car. I started to cry because it was all my fault. We eventually found them hidden in someone's backyard, but that incident scarred me.

I went to a psychologist, beginning in July last year and going until November. This helped slightly, talking with him every week about my problems and him giving me suggestions on how to help myself. However, since I have stopped going to see him the anxiety has developed to an even worse state. This brings me to the second person I get anxiety over, my boyfriend.

We have been dating for 1 year and 4 months, however the problem has only arisen over the past 8 months. I don't know why it started, but, like the issues I have over my brother's safety, I started to get concerned for his. I started calling him in the morning to make sure he would get up for school, give him lifts, drop him home, tell him not to leave the house to walk over to my house (which he did a lot last year) and freak out when he didn't message me back for longer than 20 minutes without telling me where he was going.

Over the past 2 months it has effected our relationship dramatically. He has been getting angry at me as (him being an adult) is responsible for his own actions and can take care of himself. There have been points where I have become so controlling about what he's doing that we have had fights, which is very upsetting. He use to deal with my anxiety over my brother and help me with it but now he has become sick of it as it's involving him as well. It's upsetting for me, knowing that it's my fault he's getting angry but also knowing there is nothing I know which will help me. He has told me many times that it is causing him extra stress that isn't needed, but I don't know how I can stop myself from getting worried.

I try talking myself out of thinking "What if's" and it helps sometimes, but usually the anxiety will just take over and I don't know what I'm thinking or saying any more. The only thing I recognise is to keep them both safe. I am considering going back to the psychologist to sort out everything now, but it's worse than it has be because I get double the anxiety.

Does anyone else here get anxiety over other's safety? If you have can you please tell me how you're coping or how you have resolved the issue.

Thanks.

[Im-Suffering]

I don't know how I can stop myself from getting worried.

I try talking myself out of thinking "What if's" and it helps sometimes, but usually the anxiety will just take over and I don't know what I'm thinking or saying any more. The only thing I recognise is to keep them both safe. I am considering going back to the psychologist to sort out everything now, but it's worse than it has be because I get double the anxiety.

If you have can you please tell me how you're coping or how you have resolved the issue.

Thanks.

It is not about anyone else, it's about you. And guilt. Guilt is self destructive. Ultimately any relationship will be destroyed in its wake. When you catch yourself acting as described, you are indeed 6 again. Listen carefully, what you told yourself that day, the self suggestions about you and your capabilities, what they told you, during a vulnerable experience, all became your reality, from that point on. It was a turning point, for every suggestion became a belief. The blame, the fright, the guilt.

Today, when reacting to the men in your life, you are still 6. Because you never resolved it, the little girl still cries out for forgiveness, understanding, and love. For her actions on that day were innately playful, as say two puppies in a park. While the puppy may run and become lost, who would blame him? Now, you would be happy to find him, and love him, you would not banish him to a life of guilt and fear. Do you understand?

She is in you, she is you. And she needs love and healing, leading to a change of beliefs. The belief change is mandatory. At 6 it would benefit a child to know its unsafe to wander off alone, but as an adult, that belief is outdated. You do not have to continue to dole out the self punishment over and over again.

Guilt will be replaced with trust, security, and love.

Changing one belief, such as, "I was only a child myself, and I wanted to play with him, I did nothing wrong", and you didn't, period. One belief changed will have an effect across the board on all beliefs including the subconscious ones.

And lastly, let the inner child have her say. Let the repressed emotions come out. In your imagination, hold her, love her, picture her, and talk with her. Let her speak and tell you her story, then forgive her, apologize to her, hug her, and change her 6 year old beliefs to that of an adults, share with her and finally assimilate into each other, letting the hurts, and guilt go. Set her free.

There is no other way to truly heal. Continue with the process until your strong emotions dissipate and you feel neutral about the topic. Then you know they have been released.

End of message.

[Steven Miller]

You sound very self-aware, I can't believe you're in high school? wow. It's one thing to know what's going on on the surface, but you have to face what's going on underneath. There may be feelings inside of you that are unacceptable by society's standards. Because we are animals, we have drives and desires that do not necessarily conform to what is socially acceptable. A lot of anxiety today is caused by people's fear of accepting that they have these kinds of desires.

I've made the following suggestion in other threads and I will make it here: visualize what will happen if you don't call him. Is he going to show up? Will he not show up? If he doesn't show up, where will he be? Really imagine it. Ask yourself what you would want to have happen if you didn't call him, and what you think most realistically would happen? You may have several different feelings about it. That's ok but you want to acknowledge all of them. You can do this exercise each day, because each day you may feel differently.

Now, next time the bells rings, don't call him and instead say to yourself, "I'm going to see if what I wanted to happen happens, or if what I thought would happen happens, or if both happen" and see for yourself. Its a guessing game. Its scary and exhilarating, but at least you feel alive rather than paralyzed. You aren't afraid of the future because you've already gone through the different scenarios and dealt with them in your imagination. You feel capable of dealing with the various outcomes because you've really put in the work to think through them. It's alot of fun when what you want to have happen actually does happen. You will enjoy seeing his face, asking him how his day went, and knowing he is safe and sound. [Or, maybe it will annoy you. Maybe today is a day you wish you could just leave school without any responsibilities, with no boyfriend or brother to think about] It really isn't up to you, but that doesn't mean you can't care about it. "What if..."