Is my mental health more important than my job, or do I just need to 'grow up'..?

[Ashleigh Bowie Sharkey]

So, hi there. My name is Ashleigh, I'm 20 years old... (I have dyspraxia too, I wonder if that affects anxiety?) this is my first post here and I was hoping that you guys might be able to understand where I'm coming from a bit more than most people. I'm really struggling at the moment, and I just need advice.

This is quite long, sorry... I was going to write more, but... I dunno.

Basically, I got this new job about 2 and a half months ago as a casual sales assistant... and I hate it. I know I should be grateful to even have a job, which I am... but it really is escalating my problems further.
I went home crying the first day, and everyone was saying ~ "Ohh it's just difficult for the first week, it's part of growing up."

But it didn't get any better, I dread every shift. I stay up all night worrying about it, and then I'm absolutely exhausted and barely able to function when I get there.
I don't even know how to explain to you all, it's shouldn't even be that hard. It's not like I have to work every day, most shifts are between 3 and 5 hours and that's more than enough for me. Even short hours like that are hard to get through, I'm pretty much in tears towards the end of each one.

Also, when I'm extremely stressed out or upset it seems to cause me to have sleep paralysis... and it's just getting more frequent... I get really bad nightmares with these spells too and it makes me too scared to sleep at night, I don't feel safe.

On my days off, they sometimes text or try to call me to come to work that day with little notice. Now, I'm sure most people would pick up and say yes or no. I'm ridiculously immature about it, panic and curl up on the sofa and cry manically because I don't know what to do... and ignore it and not reply. Then turn my phone off.

I don't know if it's me, or the job. Apparently it's not that good of a company to work for... I read online.

Right, and today I'm really unwell. I've been throwing up, and I've got these really bad stomach cramps (sounds like I'm being a baby huh...) but they're so bad, that I can barely stand up. How am I supposed to stand behind a counter and serve customers like that?

The boss says that if we're sick, we have to phone in. We're not allowed to text... and guess what? I sent a text to him. I wanted to call, really I did... I sat there crying with my phone hovering over the 'call' button for ages and I just couldn't do it. Took me a good half an hour to write the text and then the next twenty gathering the courage to click send.

I did see a doctor a few months ago before the job started, my mum took me because I pretty much lost motivation for everything... Was making myself ill from worrying about health problems etc and freaking out over the sound of planes and was afraid to leave the house due to the whole Russia/Ukraine thing. That's still pretty bad, the sound or sight of aircraft outside makes me panic. I get the worst possible nightmares about stuff happening. (and a whole bunch of other stuff.)

He referred me to therapy and it took a few months to hear back, and they were supposed to call me last Tuesday to do a phone 'assessment' to see if I need help or not. But they didn't.

I've had all sorts of mental issues through my teens, and it seemed to get better... now I'm on a slippery slope back down. My family say they haven't seen such a drastic change in me/my behaviour/emotions so quickly since I was 14. (which was the worst period) and they seem worried.

Part of me really wants to quit, yet I also want to stay. If I quit, I won't have any way of getting money. Having no money depresses me, I can't do anything, or go anywhere or get anything for myself. My mum struggles with bills, and shopping money... so I feel the need to help and do my bit.
My partner wants me to consider giving in my notice, he's really upset with how much this job has made me worse... but I just don't know. I can't do decisions. Everyone was so proud of me for getting this job...

Do any of you have this problem..? I feel like I'll never be able to hold down a job...

"You just need to grow the hell up, it's life. We all have to do things we don't want to. Stop being so lazy and work for a living."

Do you think I'm just acting like a kid?

[Im-Suffering]

So, hi there. My name is Ashleigh, I'm 20 years old... (I have dyspraxia too, I wonder if that affects anxiety?) this is my first post here and I was hoping that you guys might be able to understand where I'm coming from a bit more than most people. I'm really struggling at the moment, and I just need advice.

This is quite long, sorry... I was going to write more, but... I dunno.

Basically, I got this new job about 2 and a half months ago as a casual sales assistant... and I hate it. I know I should be grateful to even have a job, which I am... but it really is escalating my problems further.
I went home crying the first day, and everyone was saying ~ "Ohh it's just difficult for the first week, it's part of growing up."

But it didn't get any better, I dread every shift. I stay up all night worrying about it, and then I'm absolutely exhausted and barely able to function when I get there.
I don't even know how to explain to you all, it's shouldn't even be that hard. It's not like I have to work every day, most shifts are between 3 and 5 hours and that's more than enough for me. Even short hours like that are hard to get through, I'm pretty much in tears towards the end of each one.

Also, when I'm extremely stressed out or upset it seems to cause me to have sleep paralysis... and it's just getting more frequent... I get really bad nightmares with these spells too and it makes me too scared to sleep at night, I don't feel safe.

On my days off, they sometimes text or try to call me to come to work that day with little notice. Now, I'm sure most people would pick up and say yes or no. I'm ridiculously immature about it, panic and curl up on the sofa and cry manically because I don't know what to do... and ignore it and not reply. Then turn my phone off.

I don't know if it's me, or the job. Apparently it's not that good of a company to work for... I read online.

Right, and today I'm really unwell. I've been throwing up, and I've got these really bad stomach cramps (sounds like I'm being a baby huh...) but they're so bad, that I can barely stand up. How am I supposed to stand behind a counter and serve customers like that?

The boss says that if we're sick, we have to phone in. We're not allowed to text... and guess what? I sent a text to him. I wanted to call, really I did... I sat there crying with my phone hovering over the 'call' button for ages and I just couldn't do it. Took me a good half an hour to write the text and then the next twenty gathering the courage to click send.

I did see a doctor a few months ago before the job started, my mum took me because I pretty much lost motivation for everything... Was making myself ill from worrying about health problems etc and freaking out over the sound of planes and was afraid to leave the house due to the whole Russia/Ukraine thing. That's still pretty bad, the sound or sight of aircraft outside makes me panic. I get the worst possible nightmares about stuff happening. (and a whole bunch of other stuff.)

He referred me to therapy and it took a few months to hear back, and they were supposed to call me last Tuesday to do a phone 'assessment' to see if I need help or not. But they didn't.

I've had all sorts of mental issues through my teens, and it seemed to get better... now I'm on a slippery slope back down. My family say they haven't seen such a drastic change in me/my behaviour/emotions so quickly since I was 14. (which was the worst period) and they seem worried.

Part of me really wants to quit, yet I also want to stay. If I quit, I won't have any way of getting money. Having no money depresses me, I can't do anything, or go anywhere or get anything for myself. My mum struggles with bills, and shopping money... so I feel the need to help and do my bit.
My partner wants me to consider giving in my notice, he's really upset with how much this job has made me worse... but I just don't know. I can't do decisions. Everyone was so proud of me for getting this job...

Do any of you have this problem..? I feel like I'll never be able to hold down a job...

"You just need to grow the hell up, it's life. We all have to do things we don't want to. Stop being so lazy and work for a living."

Do you think I'm just acting like a kid?

Now, let the reading begin, for I have taken your bait :

Sales is drama. But before we get to that, the motion disorder has made the self shall we say, self conscious. Now it is your challenge to use to disability to your benefit rather than see it as debilitating in any way. That is your life challenge, or one of them, an important one.

You are facing that challenge, head on, by accepting to be in public in a dramatic position. It is a rather weak position, not as if you were on stage or anything, but to you behind that counter, you may as well be. So you are testing your abilities in the kiddy pool before taking the big dive.

The conflict is with your beliefs about yourself, period. Your "seemingly" limited by a disability that if allowed can overpower the psyche. So it is a show of courage to self and to others to step out and beyond what is believed to be your boundaries. This conflict is the center of the mental and physical symptoms.

Nevertheless the indecision, the worry, the doubt of self causes the night fright, festering and simmering during the day with a release later on.

The more you work in the drama, or sales, the better you would feel if you allow it to naturally express and allow yourself to feel good about it, period. Thus eventually expanding into a deeper position once the psyche is healed of falsehoods about the self and you show yourself you are more than what you think. That a fetal position on your couch lamenting and afraid is not in your best interests. That blocks your energies.

You are a natural talent, in sales, acting, drama, and thus it is good for your soul to continue and conquer the doubt and fear by deciding to allow yourself to act. One only has to look at your original post to see your flair for drama and enactment, the words, the typesetting, the tomfoolery all show a knack for the arts. The expression feels good, but you are inhibited by the mental conflict causing you to shake in your boots.

Now, with dyspraxia who would have thought the arts a fitting career? Yet this is an innate talent, and there lies the torn psyche between a rock and a hard place as it now has to show itself overcoming the limitations. In a way people would not even see limitations in lieu of your talents expressed.

The more the indecision, the more you shall doubt, the more ye shall worry, and the worse ye shall physically feel. Careful not to get fired is thy weakness, or self destruct for this soul has negative tendencies that are subconscious but manifest in acts. Continue to show self courage while picturing in the imagination more money, more confidence, more self empowerment, day by day.

End of reading, if you don't understand this, show it to people who will explain it to you.

That is all.

[snowberry]

I can't help but ask...does the place you work at rhyme with 'Text'?