...Hello!

[Scott David Cowling]

Hello Everyone...

I have been coming here for the past year or so to look at others with the same problems as me, and it has been a great source of help so finally, i decided to join. I hope this can help me get through my fears so I can get back on track with my life, so lets go

I have had anxiety all my life but its only been classed as anxiety for the past 2-3 years, before that it was just very bad shyness. Currently, im trying to tackle the idea of college and things are looking pretty dim. I someone who helps me with things like this as CHANGE!!! is one of my the big causes for my anxiety, and wont push me into going. I would try it, but chances are, i would perform poorly as most of my focus would be eaten up... Any ideas on that front? Also as a backup, what else can be done instead of college? any of you in the same place as me, or if you were, how was it resolved?
Thanks for taking the time to read

[Xerosnake90]

Hello there! Welcome!

Glad you finally decided to join. You're already takin steps in the right direction. Let's start off with what anxiety really is and how to remove and prevent it understanding anxiety is simple enough in layman's terms. You create a blueprint for yourself, a vision of how to conduct yourself and what you want out of life. You do this on a concious level until those thoughts are integrated subconsciously. Based on this blue print are 6 human needs. Certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution. We need to fulfil these 6 human needs to maintain levels of "normality" so to say. Certainty means you're sure about something. Some people like myself listen to a lot of the same music or watch the same movies because I'm certain I enjoy it. Variety is randomness, for me it's interacting with different people. Or listening to some different music. Significance is recognizing self worth. I get this at work, I'm a very take charge person and that makes me feel needed, or significant. Love and connection is intimacy, and friendship. I hang out with my friends on a weekly basis. The love part is unfortunately what a lot of my anxiety stems from but I'll get back to that. Growth is about bettering yourself. I generally do this by getting better at a competitive game, or learning something new. And finally contribution which is your part in society. Some contribute through work, some like to go a bit farther. I am a healer, I try to help people that need it. Thus I contribute and feel significant.

So what does all this mean? It means the key to bating anxiety is by fulfilling our 6 needs by the way of our blueprint. Now for some psychology your way. You seem to have a high spirit and that's excellent as anxiety saps that if it takes hold. Your mindset is "fresh" and this open to learning how to deal with anxiety. Another key to beating anxiety is to believe that you can beat it. The power of belief means everything. If you believe you're sick then your mind will make you sick. What you need to work on is the self defeating talk. Flip that around and stick to the positive ideas, negativity is a one way street to no good. Stick to positive, be a positive person and give what you want to receive. You'll get back what you give if you have any questions feel free to ask.

In regards to school. If you know you want to go to college then do so. You're just avoiding the idea of it because it makes you anxious. If your blueprint has college in it and you avoid your blueprint, anxiety will get worse. Finding work is a crapshoot as is. You can get a great job just by knowing people. If college is affordable and worth it to you then that will give you oppertunities as well.

If you're reading still congrats! You're taking another step and that's understanding. Now let me say that you're already in good position to beat your anxiety. Here's how not to beat anxiety. Living with my parents which seemed to cause that anxiety. I started smoking weed, something which I used to fulfil my variety need. Weed creates paranoia and lots of negative thinking when said paranoia makes you anxious. Then I started smoking cigarettes to Conversate with people, since humans with things in common will more easily come together. Connection. And then I started partying with cocaine, the chemical high was quite pleasing to the brain. However, my blueprint dictated I should be healthy and in great shape. Here I am smoking, cigarettes, cocaine, eating junk food all the time especially after getting high. I realize now that I've been using foods as anxiety comfort. I still do I just eat a lot healthier. Back on point. Shortly before what I refer to as the incident I started getting this really bad feeling. The idea of death freaked me out and id get very uncomfortable and anxious at the idea of it. One night drinking at a buddy's house I was drunk and had been throwing up. I laid down to go to bed and could not shake this feeling that I was going to die. I told myself I'm just drunk and needed sleep.

At this point in time I've had plenty of symptoms. Fatigue, headaches itchy skin this and that. I'd just eat a pill and avoid the pain. Weed blocked out everything else. Then the incident happened. I was at work. And had eaten a breakfast burrito from mcdonalds. I dropped it on the ground, this part is important because one I still stupidly ate it and two it serves for what comes next. That night at work I developed a terrible migraine, my second one in a few months. It was so crippling it took me over. I was sent home early and driving home I just felt worse and worse. This feeling I couldn't shake. I get home and take a painkiller, smoke a bowl and figure I'll feel better. I didn't. I started to hyperventilate, I was afraid and not feeling good and that's when I got hit by a panic attack. The surge it sent through my body was unreal and scared the hell out of me. I told my roommate I was freaking out and needed him to come with me to get some food as that was in my mind what I needed. I took one bite of my meal before announcing I was going to throw up and away I went to do so. At this point I'm convinced I had food poisoning or stomach flu from the burrito I dropped and ate. Looking back at it now I'm not convinced of that anymore. I believe my anxiety had become so bad that it literally manifested and exploded with one big force. I was convinced my stomach was wrecked and my mind made it real. At this point anxiety symptoms went crazy. Pain everywhere, muscle twitches, tingling, I could go on all day. I convinced myself that when my stomach got better everything would go away, wait and see. It didn't. My nausea would re occur, I'd stop being able to eat and I had a few more panic attacks along the way. One I went to the er for, I missed tons of time at work which I'm still feeling. Stopped hanging out with friends just waiting to feel better. It didn't happen.

I lost 20 pounds in two months, I spent money I didn't have on doctors appointments. Emergency room, missing more time at work. At this point id done something for myself which I hadn't realized was key to me getting better. I changed my entire diet, I've been wanting to for a while and decided to stop putting off on it. No more fast food, candies and junk snacks. Everything is as organic as possible, I'm cooking at home and eating a great diet. Sure enough my symptoms got much better, though some still stayed. I started working out at home again and I felt even better. I worked my way back up to the gym. I used to go two days a week, now three and soon to be five. Then I went to see my doctor and got a bunch of tests done, I see him again on the 18th. I had a mild panic attack before seeing him and almost went to the er again. After seeing my doc I was googling symptoms "don't do that if you already know you have anxiety) and stumbled on an anxiety website. I connected with everything I was reading and was so overwhelmed with joy about beating this problem I've been having. I cried with relief, it took me a few more days to believe and understand that what I'm beating is anxiety. Since then I've become aware, I understand this feeling of down was I'd get randomly. Why I was so grumpy dealing with people. I've been living so long with all this not making sense and now I know. So far I've changed my diet to the way I've always wants to eat. I am moving on from my "stuck" job and am starting a new job soon! With better pay, insurance, paid time off. A real solid job. I'm back in the gym like I said, have already gained weight back with lots more to come! Not only that but every day I'm feeling better, more confident and alive. I have my trials and tributes as well, same as I've had for so long. But not much longer, I'm beating anxiety by doing what I want for myself and am no longer using negative vices to accomplish that.

So once again, if you read all that thank you. That part about me wasn't so much to show you what can happen if you avoid anxiety and not know it. It was more so for me, it's giving me that sense of significance that all humans need to fulfill. Another reason why I love contributing to others in need of help. Good luck on your journey and keep us updated. General discussion is there for you if you need

[Scott David Cowling]

Excellent essay there
Thanks, it has given me lots of insight into my current situation and I could relate to a lot of it. I have been doing my best, but it still doesn't feel like enough. I only made it through the exams by the skin of my teeth, and now here I am in my current situation. College :/ Just the thought of this transition makes my chest tighten, and I know things would eventually settle if I went to college, but I still face my anxiety in other aspects, which when paired with college work, may be too much. I tried my screening day (basic college test) but as soon as i walked through the door, i crumbled, the panic attack came on, my mind became as useful as a chocolate fire guard, and i had to get out. I can visit college, although ever since then, not much has happened.

I do have a referral to CAMHS (mental health service) and im now on a large waiting list, and with just 25 days until i start college, im not sure I can make it, because I would still have to do the test and i cant even get that done. Even the person who helps me thinks it probably will be too much and thinks that I should do other stuff for a year while counselling gets underway so I can target college again next year... I just don't know what to do

[Xerosnake90]

When I worked with one of my good friends she taught me how to cope with the feelings I would get. The most vivid feeling I had was when she had mentioned I was a sociopath. Basically this being unable to feel emotion and manipulative. For a few days I really did believe that I fit the category. It wasn't long but me believing I was capable of taking charge and doing what I want without an effect to my "emotions" actually drove me to do things and say things id never done before. Point being once again that our beliefs dictate what we do for ourselves. You have this firm belief that transitions and college are this huge wall for you. You need to start asking yourself "what can I do to feel positive and college and transitions?" And see what your brain comes up with. Once again you need to start changing those negative views into positive ones. Don't believe that you'll fail, don't believe you'll panic and can't go. Use those positive thoughts to turn that mindset around.

Anxiety thrives on avoidance. And if you keep avoiding this idea it can only get worse. If you feel yourself worrying, ask yourself as well. "What's the worst that can happen if I fail?" Are you going to crumble and never get another chance? No, and so what if you need a year off to prepare yourself mentally? There's little time wasted of you're working on becoming a better anxiety free you. Stick to looking at the positives my friend.

[Scott David Cowling]

Thanks, I guess I should at least try, if it doesn't work, use my year constructively and try again. Maybe even consider Schrödinger's cat. If college were a box, I would only be able to find out if it was good or bad by opening it, until then, its both.