Driving anxiety making my life more difficult...

[13blue]

Driving a car triggers my anxiety.
I think that it started when I took driver's ed in high school. Teen with social anxiety put in a car with 3 other strangers and forced to perform something new while being judged on it. Not good. I messed up all the time, nearly got in an accident on a few occasions, got screamed at by my instructor, and at the end the instructor told my mom I was a "danger to myself and others" and not to let me drive anymore.
My mom was sympathetic, and willing to drive me around throughout high school...it was very kind of her but I almost wish she had sent me to therapy instead to help me get over and learn how to drive!
In college I just didn't need a car and most people didn't have one, so I didn't think about it too much. Same for grad school. But then I was finished with my degree and got a job, and suddenly having a car was important.
Finally, this year (I'm 25 now, almost 10 years since my driver's ed experience!) I forced myself to take adult driver's education. I was still very nervous, and felt like I was in a weird head zone the whole time. I just stared ahead at the road and I couldn't imagine being able to take in multiple things at once...signs, pedestrians, lights, etc. I took the test and failed, and immediately after started sobbing. I was lucky to have a nice, patient instructor who talked me down. About a month later I persuaded myself to try again and take more lessons, and I passed the driver's test (by a hair, I think.)

It has been about 9 months since then. I have not driven a car since, and have no desire to. I tell everyone that I can't afford a car because I'm too embarrassed to admit how much I hate driving. (*it's kind of true I can't afford it as well, but I could at least be saving up.) I'm scared I will get into a car alone and start having a panic attack, or that I'll simply be too distracted by nerves to pay attention and I will get into a crash and kill myself or worse yet someone else.

It's made things difficult though. I'm fortunate that my job is so close to me, although it's led to some situations where I have to walk home in a snowstorm, or wait 30+ minutes alone in the dark because I missed my bus, etc.
But the worst part is the social isolation. I already struggle with shyness, although honestly this part of my anxiety has been getting better and I want to meet more people. I found some good opportunities, like a writers workshop, and a church I want to go to. But these places are not accessible by bus or walking, so I can't go.
Even when I do manage to meet a potential new friend, there's always the awkward conversation of "so we have plans to hang out...you can pick me up, right?"
I thought about joining a dating site but ended up not doing it because I'm too nervous about depending on my new date for a ride back.
And so on and so forth. I'm not a total loner, I have a couple friends here and many across the country that I can visit sometimes, but I need more. It saddens me that I'm being held back this way. Sometimes I sit at home alone all day and just stew in my own thoughts, which in itself can trigger anxiety.

I don't know who to talk to about it, so I joined this forum. So...any tips? Or even just commiseration?

[Weyoun]

I get anxious when I'm driving in an unfamiliar area or when it's a rainy night. I live in Pennsylvania and the winters here can be pretty rough, so I'm not a fan of that either. What I do when I feel anxious is pull over to a safe spot and just sit there and take deep breaths until it passes. I tell myself that I have a seat belt and multiple airbags to protect me in case of an accident. My car has OnStar so I know that if I am in an accident, help will be on the way. Sometimes driving can be a real PITA (traffic jams, people that don't use their turn signals, etc.) but just remember the freedom it gives you. Good luck to you. You can do this!

[Clanders]

I def feel that you can overcome this and enjoy the open road as most do, vehicles are convenient and opens the door for more opportunities in life for sure. The question is, based on your first experiences driving, if the instructor would have handled the situation better do you think you'd have the same thoughts and feelings about the subject? I feel personally that they'd probably be different for you. Was wrong of the instructor to go about it that way even if your skills werent so skillful. I have faith that you can overcome this, just taking it step by step, maybe when out with a friend that has a vehicle, you should ask to drive sometimes, even in a parking lot if needed just to warm up to everything before going on the road. Get a feel for the car and yourself in it, just be aware of your surroundings. Its the same thought people have of seeing someone drive a manual, while talking on the phone and eating a burger while making a turn, how are they even doing that?? lol not safe by any means so dont do it but some people can pull it off. You can be aware and comfortable of the road and your surroundings without being too aware and afraid and in return causing an accident by being so paranoid.
Best Wishes