Finally letting one's family and friends know about one's disorder(s)-share stories?

[Gbn]

Hello.

I am new on this forum.

The short version of my story is that I suffer from social anxiety, OCD and depressions now and again.

As a child I was very shy, and as a teenager and young adult my I struggled with low self-esteem, depressions, had no social life etc.

Finally I visited a psychologist, who immediately told me that I suffered from social anxiety - the first time I ever heard about that disease.

Since then, my life has improved in a lot of ways, but I still struggle with the anxiety and OCD on a daily basis, my self-esteem has improved but is not high, and I guess I am in a mild depressive state most of the time, with days and weeks here and there where I feel very depressed.

Last Friday I saw Frozen. And for some reason the film really touched my a lot. The whole weekend my emotions have been in turmoil, and of course I have realized that the reason why, is that my case has a lot in common with Elsa: The only people in this world who know about my diseases are the psychologist and the couple GPs I've spoken to about it. I.e. no-one in my family, ex-girlfriends or small circle of friends knows about it. I've kept it a secret simply because I am embarrassed about it. I'm afraid people would see me as weak if they knew about it.
I do feel that my family loves me. But what Frozen made me realize is that actually a part of me has not experienced to be loved - simply because no one knows about it. In other words, I have experienced my family love the me that they don't know suffer from anxiety etc. But I have not experienced them know about my diseases and still love me.
And I guess maybe that goes a long way in explaining my low self-esteem and the feelings of loneliness that haunt me.

So I have decided that I want to work towards telling my family and later everyone about my diseases. And hopefully they will still love me, and if some will not, at least I know that the ones that still do, really love me. To my ears it sounds like a small thing to do, but I know it will be one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Which is one of the reasons why I registered on this forum, taking the first small step in "letting it go".

So, finally, to the reason for this thread: I would love to hear if any of you have experience with keeping your disease a complete secret for a long time and then finally telling your family and friends? How did you approach the moment of truth? How did your family and friends react? Has it been a positive experience? Do you regret telling about it? Has there been mostly positive or negative reactions from people? Do you feel more loved and happier now that they know?

Thanks a lot for taking the time to reading this, and thanks a lot beforehand for your answer.

Be well.

[needtogetwell]

Hi gbn,

Telling family and friends is tough, especially since in many older generations (don't know how old your parents are) there was always a stigma around mental issues.

I do believe that regardless, our parents love us unconditionally. I really didn't figure that one out until I was a mother myself. They always want to help us.

Muster up the courage to speak to them. They will probably surprise you. They may even relate and have has their own issues that you know nothing about.

You will have a huge sense of relief, and one less thing to worry about.

Good luck!
Pam

[Riley20]

Hi,

I also find it very difficult to speak to people about how I'm feeling on an off day and my anxiety etc, my parents knew from the off really because when my panic attacks first started it happened in front of them so I couldn't really hide it but they were very supportive by the end, it took them a few weeks to get used to knowing what it was and how to help me in the best way possible. I didn't know until after that my mother had done her own research on the internet in order to see what she could do to help me. I'd say that parents are definitely the easiest to tell because as needtogetwell pointed out, it's an unconditional love and you haven't done anything wrong.

Other people are much harder to tell and even if you've told your best friend you still might feel as though they just don't really understand you but sometimes it does come as a relief that when you're having a bad day you can tell someone even if it's just 'I'm having a bad day today' and that can lift so much pressure for me, I'm not entirely sure why but it does help me. Explaining myself to other people that aren't my parents I still find difficult, and after suffering from anxiety, depression etc for almost a year I've only just started telling people but still it's just people I trust who I believe can help me. For example, telling someone where you work who you trust might really help just so if you need to have a quiet few minutes or someone to distract you from your own thoughts then you have that option.

I've found that it is a work in progress but trying to trust people and telling them can be difficult but I've found that allowing a few people who I do trust to know has helped me a little. I haven't had one negative reaction from people, they've been a lot more understanding that I thought they would be and I even found out one of the people who I told takes medication for anxiety too which I never knew. People may also be keeping similar secrets as you are and it could benefit you both, you never know.

Good luck if you decide to tell someone, the chances are high that they'll be very understanding and will just want to help you in any way that they can.

[meichmann]

I told my family a while back. But, I got all my ducks in a row and just didn't tell them what I have. I gave them information on it so they understand it better. They were more sympathetic and helpful after I explained it to them.

I have panic disorder, PTSD, and ADHD. I told them because I've carried all this with me since I was 10. The only person I haven't told yet is my father. He lives 4 hours away from us, and having a 3 year old boy attached to me (which I don't mind one bit), it makes it hard to schedule time to see him and talk about it. He is actually coming down after easter so I will make plans with him to take him to dinner and talk to him.

Don't ever let anyone tell you "You are weak" or "Just get over it". I'll bet if they experience what you go through they wouldn't say that. If you tell them and they act like that, then it's on them. Don't worry about how they react. You can't change their behavior. Trust me, if you stop worrying about what other people say, it will release so much stress and anxiety.

I hope you feel better!

[Gbn]

Thank you all for your replies. They are very much appreciated.

Needtogetwell, it's very encouraging what you say about parents and their unconditional love. Also, as you said regarding the fact that members of my family might actually have their own issues they struggle with, I do think that my mom, dad and sister sometimes show symptoms of social anxiety, but they have never mentioned it, so I can't be sure, but when I am most optimistic about the outcome of me telling them about my conditions, I hope that maybe it might actually help them as well.

Riley20, what you say about it sometimes being hard to explain other people than your parents about your condition is exactly one of my worries: that I won't be able to explain it properly and also that people might not really bother listening and then instead end up labeling me as "weird" or "contagious". But then again, I guess if that happens, you won't have lost anything anyway since those people can't have been very good friends after all, and also, there is the chance is it happened to you to actually realize that someone else in your environment struggles with something - which I guess is in some selfish way, a bit reassuring. I mean, it's someone to relate to.

Meichmann, having prepared information to give them is good advice. I will do that too. It's interesting to hear that your father is the last person you're telling. For me, it is my father's reaction I am most pessimistic about. He is a bit old school and since I am male, I am worried that he will think that I am weak and a disappointment. I don't think I will be able to tell my family during Easter since the week is pretty much booked with visits here and there, so I will also do it right after Easter then. Obviously I wish you the best of luck with telling your dad, and obviously, I would very much like to hear how it went.

Again, thanks to your all for your replies.

[needtogetwell]

Thank you all for your replies. They are very much appreciated. Needtogetwell, it's very encouraging what you say about parents and their unconditional love. Also, as you said regarding the fact that members of my family might actually have their own issues they struggle with, I do think that my mom, dad and sister sometimes show symptoms of social anxiety, but they have never mentioned it, so I can't be sure, but when I am most optimistic about the outcome of me telling them about my conditions, I hope that maybe it might actually help them as well. Riley20, what you say about it sometimes being hard to explain other people than your parents about your condition is exactly one of my worries: that I won't be able to explain it properly and also that people might not really bother listening and then instead end up labeling me as "weird" or "contagious". But then again, I guess if that happens, you won't have lost anything anyway since those people can't have been very good friends after all, and also, there is the chance is it happened to you to actually realize that someone else in your environment struggles with something - which I guess is in some selfish way, a bit reassuring. I mean, it's someone to relate to. Meichmann, having prepared information to give them is good advice. I will do that too. It's interesting to hear that your father is the last person you're telling. For me, it is my father's reaction I am most pessimistic about. He is a bit old school and since I am male, I am worried that he will think that I am weak and a disappointment. I don't think I will be able to tell my family during Easter since the week is pretty much booked with visits here and there, so I will also do it right after Easter then. Obviously I wish you the best of luck with telling your dad, and obviously, I would very much like to hear how it went. Again, thanks to your all for your replies.

You are very welcome, if I might add one more thing ....telling your immediate family is important, your friends, you can be much more selective. Don't divulge everything to everyone, little bits and only to those you truly trust and care about. Also to those you feel will support you unconditionally!

Remember this...you have unconditional support here!
Good luck!
Pam