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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    20

    Confidence and self-esteem problems

    Hey everyone,

    So I have this problem with really, really low confidence and low self-esteem.
    Do anyone have any tips to train myself to a better well being? I have suffered from this many years and I have destroyed many friendship and relationships. And I just can't take it anymore. And I refuse to live with this!


    Thanks for reading,
    Vick.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    7,090
    Hey ketchup with two K's

    What was your childhood like?

    There are ways to raise your general level of self esteem (which include things like better self talk, acts of self love, learning to forgive and accept yourself)

    And there is also the idea of comforting your inner child. I know this concept sounds a little weird. And I thought the same for a very long time, and skipped over those pages in my books. But, after following some of the ideas, which are very simple, I did find differences. A big one I felt was less of a need to impress or entertain. I became happier being myself, and more inclined to be a little more emotionally expressive.

    My childhood perhaps called for it though; alcoholic father, dangerous neighbourhood, bullied etc...

    Some peoples were good.

    Comforting the inner child is kind of a new agey way of saying change the perception you have of yourself, by going backwards to your youth and giving this image and the memories you have of younger you this abundant love and acceptance (from yourself). This is done by writing a letter, by visualizing etc, and by realizing that those deficiencies you suffered when young (maybe through lack of attention or nurturing), can actually be rectified not by dysfunctional thoughts or behaviours (such as needing everyone to like you), but can be rectified by just give yourself some love and acceptance, now, and in memory, and by learning to love and accept the vulnerable sides of you, like the one at childhood.

    Hence how it helped me begin to work on desires to be impressive or well liked!

    Those were obviously because of a deficiency I'd had in childhood, probably through bullying. By carrying out those behaviours, aiming to be well liked, I was seeking to find that feeling acceptance that I never felt much as a child. Probably aiming to receive attention and praise I never received too much of either.

    When you decide to go back to this early stage in your mind, and give this little you (or the idea of it) love and acceptance, you sort of change the way you begin to remember your whole life, and the negative experiences which may have shaped you in ways you don't like.

    You can sometimes realize your motivations in adulthood, may be to get what you missed out on when you were younger. By giving it to yourself, finally, you have no need to take part in these destructive behaviour cycles, or torture yourself with negativity or anxiety.

    I have good cheap book recommendations for both issues, which I think will help. Depends on what you need.

    Glad you're taking an interest in this. It's a very good path to go down. Much of the world lacks inner esteem right now!
    Last edited by jessed03; 02-15-2014 at 06:30 PM.

 

 

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