Hello guys. I've been lurking for a while. But I just thought it was time to vent. It may be kinda long, but I'd appreciate if you read or offer any advice. Thanks in advance.
I'm 24 and been suffering from anxiety on and off for about a year. I had my first panic attack over a year ago, but didn't know what it was. Didn't even really know what anxiety was. I actually enjoyed stress at times because it allowed me to concentrate more. Wow, how things have changed. Well, I didn't know what a panic attack was, but I ended up figuging out that I could control it by changing my breathing. I got better after a month because I had to. I studied hard for the LSAT took it, and did real well. Also during this time, I got a full-time job. Great job right out of college. I had everything going for me right? Well, I had another panic attack 2 months after the last. Again I didn't know what it was. It was just a sudden rush of anxiety and I didn't understand it. I felt real bad, went to the doctors and they said that it was related to my job and LSAT. I didn't believe it and went on. I was doing better for a while, not great but better. Then I had the great idea of looking on the net to figure out what it was. That was the worst decision I could have ever made. I started forcusing on my heart, and was worried about palpations for a long time. From March til July. Around July, I finally convinced myself that I was ok. I was good from July till September. I was very good actually. But then I looked up stuff on BP which I should have never done. I remember a doctor saying it was 130 over whatever and that freaked me out after I read up on it. I was nervous at that time though. I know now that my normal BP is under 120 when feeling calm. However, I have been thinking about my BP everytime I get nervous. I worry where it's at and such. And now I can't go to the doctor without it going throw the roof. I was actually doing well a few months ago for a period of two weeks because I jsut figured to take my anxiety and assume that if I'm always at 130 because of my worries then so be it. Well then I went to the doctor again and it went up real real high. And my anxiety set it off. Now i'm worried to go to the doctor which sucks. I used to be so confident about it. And, I know I got to get better soon because I have law school coming up in September. And law school isn't a stress free environment, but I'll know I'll be busy. But my problem is that when i feel stressed during a day, i lable it as a bad day. When i have a bunch of these bad days in a row, I get frustrated and I get real bad. And it takes me a week or so to get back to a normal functioning level. I know the right thing to do is to accept the anxiety which I think I will be able to do sometime because I did it before. But, knowing my BP at the doctor can throw me into a loop. Anybody have any advice. Thanks for reading, the ones that did.