How empty my world feels at night.

[Anxious Abi]

Feeling terrible today, the thoughts won't stop. All I want to do is close my eyes and sleep. I'm so tired. Wondering if it's safe to take an extra .5 mg of respiridone.
Hope people are having a better day.
Best wishes.

[Kabukicho]

I am right there with you. The nights are the worst. There is absolutely nothing to distract you from your worries, except for harmful things like alcohol or drugs. You are alone with your thoughts. It's easy to let things spiral out of control. Even if they're not horrible anxious thoughts, my mind just seems to be constantly humming away until 3 or 4 in the morning. It doesn't know how to shut up. And then I start worrying about being sleep-deprived and miserable the next day...

I don't know what to tell you. The holistic approaches are, in my opinion, completely useless. I've tried them all. Sleep hygiene, exercise, sleep restriction, diet, eliminating caffeine and nicotine and alcohol. The only thing that works for me right now is Xanax. And I'm starting to feel dependent on it and that is frightening.

[Anxious Abi]

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time Kabukicho, I think quite a few people are in the same boat, just trying anything to get a bit more sleep. A lot of the time I just give up trying and find something else to do, clean under the fridge, take pictures of my cats LOL. It's hard though, I take Risperidone which gives me some relief, I can usually get at least three hours sleep after taking that, I don't know what I would do without it. Knowing you're becoming dependent on something is frightening I agree.

[Kabukicho]

Haha, yeah, I've come up with a ton of goofy stuff to do at night. There's the usual--watching Netflix, doing crossword puzzles, taking MULTIPLE hot baths, studying, pacing the floor of my studio apartment. Ironing clothes. Mostly, though, I just lie in bed and stare at the wall and force myself to keep my eyes open as long as possible and force myself not to think about how miserable I'm going to be the next day.

I think insomnia affects some worse than others. For me, it wrecks me. I have dizziness, vertigo, panic attacks, and get tearful the next day. It's worse than being hungover.

I don't know what to do. If Xanax improves my quality of life this much, maybe I should just be addicted to it.

[anxietyawayproject]

you are not alone be sure of that but you need to remember yourself always that tomorrow will be a better day,have faith in you and be positive "for the moment watch 'the cat concerto' with tom&jerry,you need to laugh,to smile...or watch louis de funnes series,it's a lot of fun...keep in touchalways smile on yourself,gives you courage...pray if you believe in God,all the time in your mind,always think possitive and keep fun,no matter if you will stay a few days just watching funny stuff,it's important to laugh,believe me,by the way do you have an occupation or hobby,something that you really like to do?do not get used with medications,it's not a solution,you need to train your mind and will,control your emotions,read books about this,inform yourself." my advice for everyone

[Anxious Abi]

It's creeping in again, that feeling of isolation.. I have family and friends I see on a regular basis, and I have definitely made progress in being open to a new friendship. It's just the times when there's nothing. I have taken my new nightly dose so the thoughts aren't getting to me, I feel pretty sedated. I feel alone, not alone in my struggle, I know I have comrades in that battle. Alone, because I am, but alone emotionally, sad and longing.
I've spoke of it before, and I guess it's natural for everyone to feel that need to connect. I want to experience more of that, even though it scares me.. I want to talk, to listen, to laugh. I want to say vagina, even if it asterisks that bit out I wanted to say it.

Abi