Agoraphobia relapse :(

[Cody Stanley]

I'm 20 years old and have struggled with agoraphobia since I was about 8. It always starts with me thinking I'm going to throw up while in a crowded or isolated place (Mall, bridges, classroom, crowded buses/trains, etc) It would end up going away eventually throughout the years for certain periods of time. Around the time I was 15, it came back while I was at the end of my first year in highschool. It eventually got so bad that I had to leave my regular high school and go to a school program for students who suffer from anxiety disorders that couldn't handle regular school. This lasted for almost 2 years before finally my doctor matched me up with the right medication and I finally started to overcome it, as well as through techniques like exposure and self motivation. Being an avid music fan and bass player I decided to join a band which is something I could never do because I would get the same kind of anxiety onstage (my throat muscles get tight, my stomach feels uneasy, I start fearing that I am going to vomit in public unless I leave and go somewhere quiet) Anyways, long story short I recently during the summer started experiencing symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (bad intrusive thoughts) and had to stay in the hospital for a month to get treatment for it. Well I'm glad to say my treatment for that was very successful and I feel much better but I am now again finding myself struggling with the agoraphobia. I don't know what to do especially since I am in a band that is starting to play more gigs and I can not handle being on stage while feeling like I'm going to panic. I think the reason why it started happening again is because the doctor switched my medications when the OCD got really bad but I asked him to switch it back because of this and it still isn't helping. Anyways I just thought I would share what I'm going through right now, and if anyone has any similar stories about overcoming this or are going through the same thing I'm just putting this up to see if anyone can give me some advice or to just let other people know they are not alone if they are going through the same thing I'm going through. I really don't want to have to quit my band and let all my bandmates down but I'm almost scared that is what it will have to come to.

[natbaby]

How long ago did you do the medication swap? If it was recent, it could just be that you haven't reached a therapeutic level yet so you aren't getting the full benefit of the drug. I have a severe bridge phobia, which honestly hasn't improved at all while on medication. I think those types of phobias definitely benefit from exposure therapy. It's really rough in the beginning, but it could be that if you push yourself through a concert or two, you may find that your anxiety doesn't get as bad as you're fearing. Maybe you could get some sort of anxiety med like Ativan or Xanax to lower your anxiety before the show which would help push you through the uncomfortable/scary part.

You can do this, and you may even find that the concerts are another form of therapy for you. Best wishes!

Nat

[Cody Stanley]

Thanks for the reply. The medication change was about a month ago, although I started taking the ones that help me only about a week or so ago. How long have you had the bridge phobia? Because I get that too but I got over it at least until recently (I've been having trouble with really big bridges) Although that was something I never liked doing period, I think most people feel uncomfortable on them in some way especially ones that are very high off the ground. But my band does have a concert this weekend and although my anxiety has been increasing I am still going to go and put on a show although I probably will feel like panicking throughout it I'm just going to have to push through...

[natbaby]

You can do it! At least make an attempt to do the concert - you never know unless you try. The bridge thing with me started about 10 years ago. It's funny, because when I was a kid I LOVED bridges. My dad was a truck driver and when I would go on trips with him he would wake me up in the middle of the night if we were about to go over a really big or long bridge. I used to get a kick out of it

[natbaby]

So, did you decide to try going to the concert? How did it go?

[Cody Stanley]

I went and we had a 5 song set for about 25 minutes and it got pretty bad so I left the stage after 3 songs.. after that I was just like fuck everything but now my doctor has increased my meds a bit and I'm starting to overcome things one at a time, we have another one coming up and I'm going to try and push through. How has your bridge phobia been though? I suggest you try small bridges and work your way up to bigger ones.