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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013

    Unhappy Would love some first time advice - scared and hopeless!

    Please help, I think i'm going crazy and I don't want to ruin the best thing that has happened to me.

    I have always been a fairly anxious person, in relationships, friendships, about illnesses and losing people, but over the last 5/6 months it has completely taken over my life. I haven't had a minute which I've felt 'normal' and constantly feel as though there is a dark cloud in my stomach and head, I feel like I feel nothing at all, for anything, and when I cry I feel as though I don't 'feel' it anymore. I've lost all interest in being the fun person I was. I hate going out, I hate drinking as it makes me feel like i can't be in control, having sex scares me (Despite previously having a high sex drive), I can't concentrate at university. I went on holiday with friends in the summer and it was horrible, I felt constantly like I was an outcast, I didn't want to do anything, i'd lost my phone and couldn't contact anyone for the next 8 days (including my boyfriend and i felt so anxious and worried), this is when it all really started, like the intrusive thoughts and from then on I just got worse and worse. Yeah so, the reason it's affecting me mostly is because my anxiety primarily focuses itself towards my boyfriend, although our relationship has no issues. Previously I have been paranoid in relationships and treated pretty shit, cheated on and just suppressed generally as a person, however I have never for one second thought rationally that I couldn't trust my boyfriend as he is not like that at all. The thing is, I can't help but think I will lose him. I don't think I'm good enough and for the last few months I have tried to rationalise every reason for why i would lose him, a few being...
    • Him cheating
    • Me cheating (although I wouldn't - at times I have convinced myself that I have when I definitely haven't)
    • Me being a lesbian (I'm not)
    • When he was at a festival I was convinced he was dead
    • I think maybe it's because i like other people (which is ridiculous, i really do love my boyfriend) or that he does

    When these thoughts go through my head, it upsets me, i get angry, i tear at my hair and throw things, all i want is to be how we were. In reality nothing has changed so i don't understand why I am doing this. Sometimes I justify it as I just simply feel this way and I'm in denial, but i know in my heart this isn't true as every time i think about not being with him i react in a way that would suggest this. I feel so self destructive and although with help from my boyfriend to calm down and breathe it alleviates some of the horrible feelings, it always returns, fast. I feel like i need to be reassured that it will get better. I go to counselling once a week at my uni but in all honesty this causes me anxiety too as I feel awkward and that she thinks I'm being stupid. In fact I feel like everyone thinks that. I just don't know what to do anymore and if this is even normal. I'm scared that everything i'm thinking is real and it's something I will never be able to get away from.

    Please help me understand this situation

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    It is understandable Hun, I had the same past with relationships.. Still to this day I and a little irrational with my partner.. But granted he is in another country! The best thing to do is COMMUNICATE with your man.. Tell him how your feeling.. He can shed a light on your fears.. When your with him really consume yourself in the moments.. Notice the way he smiles, kisses you, or the cute way he does something.. Know that you really do love this man and it is a fear for everyone that something happens to the one they love, it's not irrational but you have to overcome the the way it consumes you hun
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  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Virginia, USA
    Hi ann,

    Sorry you are having troubles with your anxiety.

    Sounds like you need some help with understanding your "warning signs" and learning what you need to do to keep these warning signs from taking you to those dark places of your thoughts that you know are unreasonable. Unfortunately, "this kind goeth not out" but by much effort on your part. I could give a long spiel on things you can do to have a more happy and stabilized perspective on your relationship with your boyfriend, and everyone else, but instead I will refer you to my blog (click here). I know you can conquer this, and I think the methods and tools I go over in my blog can help you. Feel free to send me a message or post back on this forum if you needs some ideas or help on the things you are doing to work on this.
    Recovered Anxiety and Depression Sufferer
    Enjoying Life Again!
    Author of "SANE - Reclaim Your Life"
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