Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[Enduronman]

I did have the thought of turning it into one of those cane/rifles as was common in England in the 1800's...that would be my best defense against those two, especially the youngest...geeze!

[Enduronman]

hmmm...
1. One of our other members really opened my eyes, and yes it was his intention to do so. Therapeutic.
2. Getting real tired of this morning congestion and sneezing, but that's to be expected when it appears that I'm living in Antarctica outside.
3. My oldest daughter (addict) did NOT make it to the eye Dr appointment that I had made for her...grrrr...she makes things difficult. Shit!!!!
4. My youngest daughter WILL be woken up at exactly 10am to begin online schooling. I have set 2 GIANT Cerwin Vega speakers at her door and am ready to push this button...just trying to figure out the most annoying tune for her. And, I have taped 6 tacks to the snooze button on her alarm clock, she will GTFU!
5. Gotta get up to the post office to see how much a shipment of some cocaine, weed, and meth is going to cost me, to London.
6. Had to give myself a shot in the stomach again lastnight, I hope that doesn't continue to seem so "alien" to me to do that..
7. Hoping for a great week for myself, and all of you too!
8. Got all my Christmas shopping done in 5 mins..
9. Looking forward to Christmas and to also get to see my 15 yr old, 6' tall son...geeze. WTF do they feed him???
10. hmmm...Yes, make some calls today to sell some more of these damn tools. I want more money!

Make this day a great day!

E-Man...

[jessed03]

When I read this thread, it reminds me of an agony aunt column. Only all the problems are from the same person. And the agony aunt has probably long since shot herself due to the stress of having to solve them.

Very amusing though, in a 'you either laugh or kill somebody' kind of way!

Much credit to you for finding the humour!

[Enduronman]

Brotha Jesse,

If you'd learned anything about this dumbass E-Bert-Man, it is that I MUST find humor in disasters, it's the only thing that prevents the 'laugh or kill' syndrome that I suffer from...LMAO!!
I did a couple of good things today already (as brother Dave suggested, small, from the hip, goals) and no they didn't involve a 9mm.
I let some people cut in front of me at the grocery, they were holding their shit, I had a cart...then, the poinsettia rang up wrong!! FLOWER CHECK ISLE 2!!! grrrr.....
But, I maintained even though I was 1 second away from saying HERE'S THE F**KIN $1!!!!....I kept my cool..breathe...
Then while at said store, I bought 2 giant half hams for gifts, to give to needy people. I know a guy that has 5 kids and 4 grandkids living in his fuggin house! (I admire his stamina, will power, patience, and what the f**k ever else it would take to deal with that..the grandbaby's are all in diapers)...and he bust his ass working everyday for them.
His kids, IDK...not all that "ambitious" as far as I can tell except one is a workaholic...she's 20.
I took them one over, his wife must have thought I was in law enforcement or something because she wouldn't answer the door until he answered her call...(maybe it's the dark Matrix sunglasses, black hat, black wool coat, black leather gloves, robotic like walk because my knees and ankles are bad and I can't turn my head well..maybe she thought I was a Cyborg..(BAAHA!) and I don't look all that fluffy and friendly although I am)...
Just trying to figure out what to do with this other one, it makes me "feel" good inside..hope I don't get punished for my good deeds.
The post office was jammed with a line going out the damn doors, so I drove by, honked, and yelled Merry Christmas A**holes!!! LOL!! (I will go back after noon)....
I still CAN NOT stand in a line, twitling my w**nus..or thumbs. whichever seems more appropriate at thus time.

Very amusing bruh?..

Yes, I'd say!!!!....laughing while in hell, doesn't get anymore difficult than that!!! HAAAHA!!

Oh the agony!!!...WAAAHH WAAH!!! help...

Column continuation will follow shortly.

Lil C is in my bottle of caffeine pills,..I SEE YOU!!! GTFO OF THEM!!!

xoxo...

[Enduronman]

Almost forgot,

When I get to the post office, I am going to say aloud that "I would like to see how much this cost to send into the remote areas of Uzbekistan, but I don't have an address only coordinates lat & lon, and a name of Mr. DoughBoy. It must be air dropped. How much?"....

I'm being serious...

[jessed03]

Laugh out loud at the above posts. Laugh out fucking loud.

A unique and inspiring philosophy bro. Laugh out loud funny. The tragedy and comedy in life summed up in a way only the big E can.

I can't remember who said 'God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh'... Doesn't matter who it was, I just have a feeling somewhere up in those clouds the big guys looking down saying 'Finally!!! A guy who gets my humour!!!'

I'm also digging the adventures of lil C... Seriously! It's one of those things I can enjoy, what with her being someone else's responsibility, and me living an ocean away in safety

[Enduronman]

HAAHA!!!

I love making others laugh, at my expense, because it's "fulfilling"...

PS: This dang box full of stuff is still sitting here! I went AGAIN to the post office, and of course, there are 3000 people standing in line!!

Shit I wonder if maybe Santa Claus is in there now, catering to adults now!!!.. OMG!

I may have to ship it after Christmas...because (let's use this analogy) me standing in a long line, or standing period, would be like setting a double cheeseburger on a dog's nose, and telling him to wait..wait...wait..for an hour!!!.. BAHAAHA!!!

Yes, Lil C is truly an unweilding adventure all her own...eessshhhh....Not real enthused about this whole "clone" shit, TBH...

[Enduronman]

Just for you Jesse...
Just went to the station to get some more lotto tickets..
There are two checkouts in there, I'm at one, and a complete idiot is at another..loud. boisterous..
I get what I wanted, and then I hear the brain dead dipshit on the other checkout say "well, gawd damn I gotta show ID to use a debit card and I got the pin number?"
The attendant says "Yes, our managers have asked us to start doing this to be sure you're the owner of the card"...
Then, wickdeed says "Well, shit this is my card see the name and look at ma shirt it say's Randy Streeval hell I didn't steal the card and shirt too!"...
The attendant that was standing in front of me started getting nervous as the guy kept getting more agitated,..I reached down and and tapped on my clip so he could see it.
I told him, it'll be ok just ignore him..He then said that he liked my coat, small talk while dumbass was freakin out with no ID, no license, and no personality...
He finally walked out, and then I followed and the cashier gave me the nod like..thanks for hangin back man....
That trainwreck moron may have had 2 teeth left but if he would've gotten any worse, he'd have none to show off...or may be even missing a kneecap very quickly..
Welcome to my world! It's like a constant thrill ride!...but, I don't know nor expect any different... so I wrote a song.

Sing like Silent Night.

A** Hole..
Loud A**hole...iooo
Stupid f**king Streeval...
Go baaaccckkkk to Edinburgggg...
Tooo innn breeeddd
wiiittthhhh youurrr sisterrrrrr...
You keppptttt your teeettthhh
foorrr oneee more nighttttt....
Slackkkk jawwweedddd Moorrooonnnn
Coompplllleetttee f**cckkiinnn retarddd..
NNooowwww ggoooo ccconnttinueee yourrr fuueedd wiitthh the f**kkinng Burttonsss....
Slllleeeppp yyouu kknnuucckklleee draaggiin hheeiirrlip, that talked with a lisp.

This has been a public service announcement by Enduro the Out of Tune Singing Viking Psycho..

Thanks for reading.,

YAY!!!

[Enduronman]

Ok, I found something good in today.
I had to take my daughter to get a new winter coat, considering I am not buying size 9 to 11 pants, her coat was huge on her too.
We went to the shopping plaza to price them out. I refuse to buy anything other than wool.
Holy s**t, this is on sale? At 50% off???!!!!..The one SHE wanted of course, but very nice.
Ok,..Oh Hi how are you?
A friend of my daughters WORKS there and tomorrow after 630 pm, she can get it for 55% MORE off...
Hell yes!!! We will see you tomorrow then...
Saves me $71.50....
That WAS a good thing, and those kind of things had once been generally rare but seem to keep happening lately so, I'll ride it while it's here, cuz it won't stay!

Have a great night all...

[Lee Grant Irons]

Let's hope the coat is still there tomorrow. LOL