Anxiety even with my friends?

[BR93]

Hi, I've had this problem for the past 4/5 years probably, but it has only seemed to of gotten worse. I don't know if this is social anxiety I don't know much about it, and if anybody could help me?

It began when I was in sixth form, I started smoking and going for fag breaks to avoid being in an enclosed space with loads of my friends, I find it a lot easier being outside.

Then when I came to uni, I couldn't go for meals out with everyone because I'd feel to uncomfortable, and my face would start burning and Id feel so embarrassed over nothing. So if I did go out to social occasions I'd have to be drinking to make me feel okay.

Then it just got worse, I am scared to do my shopping at the supermarket in case I bump into someone I know, and in the small area I'm in, it often happens. I find myself being rude to people who are my friends, and just having to make an excuse and walk away because I can't handle it.

At university I hate going to lectures now, and some days I just cant face going.

Its too hard to mention to any of my friends, so don't know what to do.

Thanks,

xxx

[Ponder]

Hi BR98, sure can be tough when we can't even fit in with out friends. Seems like you have been having a hard honest look at this given your post. That's actually encouraging. I get an impression of loneliness, frustration and then despair?

Bringing it up with you friends could be a good opportunity for you to arrest the situation before it gets worse. Perhaps raise the issue with a brief summery that is concise and finishes with a positive note. Like "Hey just wanted to let you know I have been struggling a bit of late and sorry if I have said or done anything to offend you. I've go a few personal issues that need sorting out, but I seem to be getting a grip now. Once again, I am sorry and hope were all good still. (?)

Perhaps finishing with something that does not lead into a response may bet better, however the fact is, that bringing it to light in a light way .. is being positive, taking control and heading in the right direction.

Don't place too much on it though ... try not to expect any kind of reaction, that way you wont be let down. I guess after you might bring it up with the people you care about ... give yourselves a little space and try to keep focused on your goals. Raise you self worth by looking at the things you are good at ... if going out makes you feel uncomfortable, then perhaps don't go out.

Stressing ourselves out, only makes the anxiety worse. Try to get clinical about it ... what are the "triggers" I first mad ea lot of progress when doctors/therapists and or counselors would say to me, if your snappy in the afternoon, then make your appointments in the morning. Go early to avoid the crowed, go late - same thing, Make sure you are well watered and have eaten, ware things the make you comfortable, when feeling like a panic attack, or sweating more than usual or dizziness coming on ... remove yourself from the situation ... have an escape route. That might be as simply as having taxi money, calling for a ride, sitting at the end or side of isle ...

When I started doing all those thing ... the anxiety did not go away, but it sure was a LOT easier to deal with. You'll find a lot of people that suffer anxiety disorders, do much better when they plan ahead of time. Just knowing I can slip off without being caught in the middle of a stuff group just makes me feel a lot better, also the fact that I don't have to rely on someone else giving me a lift home (means I can quietly slip out) ... sometimes I will slip out just to get fresh air, to let my paranoia clear then go back inside ... other times I will try my best to smile and even though I could care less, you might be surprised that if you do it well enough, some people will nod of just give a well meaning gesture back.

None of it's easy ... Takes a lot of effort actually ... but like exercise, keep focused on the goal and if your able to give it a try for a week or two, you will slowly start to feel a little self confidence come back in you, that will in turn take the focus off all those negative things you once previously could not help but focus on; which only made you worse.
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I really have to do this myself ... I need to exercise and often as a result of doing something that empowers me, I usually do well from there. My struggle is balance ... none the less, you can only go so far down, before the only way is up!

Wishing you the very best ... please keep sharing

Dave.

[hudson14]

Get help it will likely just get worse otherwise.

[Emily1993]

I'm exactly the same, it's gotten to the point where I can't be on my own with one person at all, even with friends I have had for years, or members of my family. I find it a lot easier to go out if I'm with two or more friends, who can speak between themselves then I can just join in when and where I feel comfortable. I find myself drinking a lot more and also taking amphetamines (MDMA mainly) as these cause me to lose my inhibitions and make me able to talk freely (but that's obviously not something I would reccomend). I hate anxiety so much. I would though, reccomend speaking to a friend about it, I was terrified to speak to anyone about it but finally managed to tell a friend and everything felt a bit lighter once I had spoken about my situation. I wish I could give more advice but I think you and I are pretty much in the same boat..

[casstar01]

I agree Emily, I found telling people helped me so much! Because now I can let them know "hey, I'm having a lot if anxiety right now" and they will learn how to help you handle it and if you have to leave they will understand and won't think your being rude. A lot of people used to think I was stuck up! But now I know it's best to let them know. I hate to hear your using alcohol and MDMA !! But understand completely! I have had this dissorder litterally my whole life. And I discovered drugs and alcohol completely "cured" me! And though that was just my own personal key to living! But I eventually at age 14 discovered heroin and that was the best It just made me feel normal. And I was okay I thought with living the life of a junkie over living completely paralyzed with in myself. But at around the age of about 27-28 I couldn't and didn't want that anymore. The things you find yourself doing to keep it up are damaging. And I started out with the same things you did but eventually they quit working. I'm not trying to come off as being preachy because I totally get it but if I could just help someone stop going down a terrible path it's worth it the sad thing is I'm 32 and am suffering just as badly if not worse and I waisted most of my youth to end up worse off! Have you tried talking to ur doctor about anxiety meds? I tried so many meds Paxil Prozac Zoloft etc... But those weren't strong enough. It's only now that I am actually able to even leave the house or talk to people, because I was given klonapin-a very successful medication for people like us. I'm only on a very small amount but it's amazing how helpful even that has been! Please for yourself try to get properly medicated!! It's so worth it! I would give ANYTHING to go back and undo my choices!! Sincerely , casstar01 hope this helped and didn't come off as though I'm downing you in any way.

[BR93]

Thank you so much everyone. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow at last, and even thought I've kind of lied in the past in these appointments cos I couldn't handle going in, I've got a friend going in with me to help me. And emily, I've done the exact same thing using MD and alcohol to try to cure it, but at the end of the day its never gonna make the long term better. All I can say is to everyone is to definitely get medication, but I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks so much, x

[Emily1993]

Hey, that's great to hear you're giving the doctors another shot. I too have had the issue of getting there and lying to get my self out of there and soon as possible. I made an attempt at it last week but froze up when I got into the drs office and ended up leaving with some ear infection anti-biotics intead haha! I think taking a friend along is a great idea though, they can encourage you to be honest, I hope it goes well and things start looking up for you

[casstar01]

That's really great to hear! I'm so glad you are going to see a doctor and get the proper help you need . You won't regret it, because it will only help you succeed. Expecially the more honest you are with them. Taking a friend with you is encredibly smart. I take someone with me often and it helps soo much. It makes the difference in me actually going or not in many cases. I had to bring my boyfriend with me to meet with a therapist and brought him to my first month if sessions!!! But it helped and I got comfortable enough where I was able to finally go on my own. Great job!! Let us know how it all goes! Casstar