Social phobia? Panic attacks? Anxiety attcks? Fear or nothing? Help needed

[ClaireGordon]

Hey guys,

First post on here, so be gentle with me.

I have suffered from this 'state of mind' for a little over 3 years now. I cannot stem the symptoms back to one particular event, but a run of multiple events that knocked the wind out of me and depressed me from a friends death to the loss of a partner to bankruptcy and the stupid bad days we all have.

Thing is I have dealt with each and every event the best I could at the time, and I wouldn't have done anything differently apart from change it in the first place, but there's something holding me back to getting back to the real true happy go lucky up for a laugh do anything spontaneous me. I need the old me back!!

I haven't had any medication, but I have been to the doctors on a few occasions when I have thought I can't do this anymore, and all I got handed was a leaflet and a 'come back and see me if symptoms get worse' speech, but working 9-5 Monday to Friday nipping to the doctors isn't that easy.

So here's the situation now, my mum dragged me to the doctors 3 weeks ago and the doctor referred me to the mental health assessment team after having me fill in a questionnaire that indicated that I am depressed and anxious most of the day, and to come back and see her in 3 weeks time. This news didn't surprise me at all. A few days later I went back to doctors for bloods doing (thyroid and sugar levels) but the results showed up normal. The same day I got a call from the MH assessor who conducted another assessment of me by asking the self same questions the doctor did, but this time the results indicated I was more anxious than the previous few days which didn't surprise me. Then I was told I have been place on the emergency waiting list and I should hear something by Xmas................. Imagine my anxiety levels when hearing this news.

I am due to go back and see my doctor at the end of the week, but in the meantime I have been taking Kalms tablets. My mum advised I take them, and I have done in the past, so I thought, what's the harm.

On Saturday coming my partner has bought some concert tickets and I'm petrified!! I soooo want to go to the concert and have a great time with my partner as we never do anything like this because of me. We have never been out for a meal, or to the cinema or done anything coupley other than sit at home all day watching films. So the concert is a huge on in sheffield, and I'm so scared. But I don't know what I'm scared of.

I need help, I have tried hypnosis apps on my iPad, talking myself down, distracting myself during panic attacks. I know nothing is going to happen, I'm not going to pass out although I feel like it, I'm not going to be sick although I feel like it, I'm not going to mess myself although I feel Ike it, and I'm going to be okay even though I don't feel like it.

I know this is just my mind playing tricks on me and I know I need to train my brain to think differently, but I don't know how. I read things online all the time, but I want one on one help, something for me specifically, someone to listen to me directly...... But it seems I'll have to wait for Xmas for that, but in the meantime I have this concert to attend and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Please please help me guys......... If this is living, and this is life, then what's the point in living in constant fear of possibilities that may or may not happen?

Thank you for any help and advice you can give me. Ask me questions if you need more details.

Thanks again

Claire

[ClaireGordon]

Hey guys, First post on here, so be gentle with me. I have suffered from this 'state of mind' for a little over 3 years now. I cannot stem the symptoms back to one particular event, but a run of multiple events that knocked the wind out of me and depressed me from a friends death to the loss of a partner to bankruptcy and the stupid bad days we all have. Thing is I have dealt with each and every event the best I could at the time, and I wouldn't have done anything differently apart from change it in the first place, but there's something holding me back to getting back to the real true happy go lucky up for a laugh do anything spontaneous me. I need the old me back!! I haven't had any medication, but I have been to the doctors on a few occasions when I have thought I can't do this anymore, and all I got handed was a leaflet and a 'come back and see me if symptoms get worse' speech, but working 9-5 Monday to Friday nipping to the doctors isn't that easy. So here's the situation now, my mum dragged me to the doctors 3 weeks ago and the doctor referred me to the mental health assessment team after having me fill in a questionnaire that indicated that I am depressed and anxious most of the day, and to come back and see her in 3 weeks time. This news didn't surprise me at all. A few days later I went back to doctors for bloods doing (thyroid and sugar levels) but the results showed up normal. The same day I got a call from the MH assessor who conducted another assessment of me by asking the self same questions the doctor did, but this time the results indicated I was more anxious than the previous few days which didn't surprise me. Then I was told I have been place on the emergency waiting list and I should hear something by Xmas................. Imagine my anxiety levels when hearing this news. I am due to go back and see my doctor at the end of the week, but in the meantime I have been taking Kalms tablets. My mum advised I take them, and I have done in the past, so I thought, what's the harm. On Saturday coming my partner has bought some concert tickets and I'm petrified!! I soooo want to go to the concert and have a great time with my partner as we never do anything like this because of me. We have never been out for a meal, or to the cinema or done anything coupley other than sit at home all day watching films. So the concert is a huge on in sheffield, and I'm so scared. But I don't know what I'm scared of. I need help, I have tried hypnosis apps on my iPad, talking myself down, distracting myself during panic attacks. I know nothing is going to happen, I'm not going to pass out although I feel like it, I'm not going to be sick although I feel like it, I'm not going to mess myself although I feel Ike it, and I'm going to be okay even though I don't feel like it. I know this is just my mind playing tricks on me and I know I need to train my brain to think differently, but I don't know how. I read things online all the time, but I want one on one help, something for me specifically, someone to listen to me directly...... But it seems I'll have to wait for Xmas for that, but in the meantime I have this concert to attend and I don't know how I'm going to do it. Please please help me guys......... If this is living, and this is life, then what's the point in living in constant fear of possibilities that may or may not happen? Thank you for any help and advice you can give me. Ask me questions if you need more details. Thanks again Claire

Please help guys

[jessed03]

Tough post Claire.

After talking to loads of people with anxiety, I can usually always pinpoint something that seems to be bothering them, but your condition seems quite resistant. You don't seem to be doing a tonne wrong, yet are still suffering badly.

I guess one thing that stands out, is the power the condition has been given, due to you avoiding situations. Obviously the more you avoid stuff, the more the mind becomes aware there is some type of perceived danger, and the problem worsens.

Maybe you should reframe it a little. Sadly, there really is no drug, or therapy, that can change your base physical level of emotion really quickly. So, it's unlikely there's any mindset or wise words that somebody can tell you, that will free you up to go have fun with your partner.

But... Maybe this whole event can be symbolic. It can be a symbol for change. Due to this condition bullying you, and robbing you of joy, almost imprisoning you away from the things you and your partner wanna do, it's been handed a lot of power. This event can be the time you take power back.

You're putting in some steps to improve, you're going out despite being scared.

Maybe the best attitude to take here, is if/when anxiety strikes, you say 'I'm here.... Fuck you!' And ride through it, to re-emphasise the belief you'll keep going regardless, and it will never stop you.

Sometimes, that's the best a person can do.

[ClaireGordon]

Thanks for your advice Jessed03

It really is hard training your brain back to the way it used to think. Back when I was 'normal'

So much has changed in my life in the last 3 years including meeting my partner with whom I've had the best days of my life despite this 'state of mind'

It's hard being in this situations when I feel like I'm losing control because a part of me is screaming at myself 'your here, your safe, your secure now have fun and stop panicking over NOTHING! Stop thinking your making it worse'

And then I'm thinking 'I can't breath I'm going to pass out, I can't see, what happening, heart attack? Stroke?'

I have a constant battle with myself over nothing!!

Each case of anxiety is different, so I was wondering how mine differs from others and what people have found helped in the build up to an event as Saturday is a matter of days away now.

It's now beginning to start argument between me and my partner

Xx

[jessed03]

No problem CJ

It's kinda good you met your partner in this state, and not before. So many people say they feel disconnected with their partners as anxiety changes them, but at least yours met and fell for you in this way, so he clearly liked what he found, and it can kinda only go up.

Short term, the only things I've found that work are coping statements, which maybe you already do, and benzo's :-/ not a great list, I know. I've never tried kalms, maybe they are effective. Rescue remedy was ok for me.

I mean, one thing that's really soothing, is the whole, talk to yourself like a baby thing. I got nastily drunk once, got lost, it was raining, the world was spinning wildly, I was majorly freaking out, and I just really talked to myself like an infant... 'Shhh, shhh, it's ok, you're gonna get home soon, sober up, and sleep, it's all gonna be alright. It's all gonna be ok'... It kinda worked quite well. Kinda stopped panic from escalating. I just kept talking to myself like a baby, very soft, loving and gentle. The night which was heading for disaster didn't pass too badly.

It may be something worth doing in your head, I do find it works for some of my stubborn anxieties like public speaking phobia.

I guess there's a little scared kid still inside us all! That gentle, mothering attitude can really be soothing.

Hopefully your partner will be reassured by you making this effort. A similar thing happened with me and my Gf when my attacks were bad. I travelled a long way to visit her, had some ups and downs. It wasn't very fun, but neither was much at that point. she saw how big a deal it was for me to be there, and it kinda eased her frustration a bit.

Who are you going to see anyway, anyone good? Do any good bands play oop norf'? :P

[Lin]

It's a shame when we let our anxiety stop us doing things. We can become very isolated and make our world very small. If you are able it is always best to try to do things even if you need extra tablets to do it. I have cancelled so many things and then regretted not having the nerve to go if only for a short time.

[dj430]

It's terrible having any type of anxiety... I've tried talking to family members and all they tell me is to control myself.. It's something I can't do. Mine is to the point where im about to loose my job again. It's depressing cause I can't have a normal life... Atleast this forums help knowing that your not alone

[ClaireGordon]

Thanks for the advice Jesses, Lin & DJ. means a lot knowing I'm not alone in this

I guess your right I have got myself through a lot of rough times with the support of my gf. We have only been together 11 months yet we are living together and own a kitten together and this is a hugeeeee big deal for me as I'm 25 and only just moved out of my parents house so mass responsibility..... Strange to say things like this as I never thought I person like me would be able to get through such big events in my life, but with her support I have done it with a few hiccups on the way admit idly, but nothing major. But with going to see Bruno Mars on Saturday my gf has taken on the attitude of 'what's the point? I try doing something nice for you, for us and your not even willing to make the effort'

No matter what I try or say I cannot convince her that I really do want to go, I wanna have a great trip in the car and I wanna queue up with everyone else and enjoy the banter. I wanna see Bruno Mars! I wanna have a great time with her, but she doesn't believe me. She thinks I will bail at the last min..... To be fair that is my usual behaviour..... So she is suggesting taking her sister....... Who also suffers from anxiety....... But in my opinion (hate saying this) has selective social anxiety. But the worse thing is my gf said to me last night, 'I feel like your dragging me down with you between you and my sister, and that's not fair'. That hurt!

So I'm in catch 22. Do I go and no doubt ruin it for us both by either backing out at the last min, do I go and try keep myself calm and wish every second away until I'm home and safe in bed, or do I just tell my gf to take her sister and have a good time?


Kalms are ok, I think they are more of a placebo if I'm honest. They are good short term, I.e driving tests and what not, but long tern 3 weeks plus, they turn into a dependency. Totally herbal, so no harm really.

What is/are benzos????

Rescue remedy - my gf mum got me the drop version, but when I did try it for the first time I felt worse!!, all I was doing was picking my gf up from the train station and going food shopping.... Nothing out of the ordinary, but that's how my anxiety effects me, no rhyme nor reason behind it .

My main concern behind my anxiety is when ever I go somewhere new I have to go to the toilet. No matter if I have been before I left or not, and number 2's ain't the best in public toilets anyone else get these effects?

Thanks again guys

Xx

[ClaireGordon]

It's a shame when we let our anxiety stop us doing things. We can become very isolated and make our world very small. If you are able it is always best to try to do things even if you need extra tablets to do it. I have cancelled so many things and then regretted not having the nerve to go if only for a short time.

My world has literally become, me, my gf and my mum occasionally. I go to work mon -fri 9-5 because I have to not because I want to. I seem to have no control over doing things I have to do, where as if it's something I want to do my mind goes crazy.

Maybe that's the key for Bruno mars concert? Convince myself it's something I have to do and not want to? :S

But with regards to the isolation bit...... Totally agree with you. I have friends in Gainsborough and St. Helens that I used to visit at least once every 4 months, and now... I haven't seen my friends in Gainsborough for nearly 3 years and my friend in St. Helens for nearly 18 months..... So depressing how I have pushed everything and everyone away from me. Not through choice, but through fear of thoughts and possibilities...... Sooooo wrong.

Now I feel like I'm just about holding on to my gf with my finger tips.....

[ClaireGordon]

It's terrible having any type of anxiety... I've tried talking to family members and all they tell me is to control myself.. It's something I can't do. Mine is to the point where im about to loose my job again. It's depressing cause I can't have a normal life... Atleast this forums help knowing that your not alone

I'm sick of hearing statements like this from family and work colleagues, such as 'oh you'll be fine just go' or 'just do it nothing's going to happen' words like this don't seem to help one little bit.

I usually ask them what they fear the most..... Answers r usually spiders so I give them a scenario such as 'imagine being stood in the supermarket with 40 transulas all over your body and see if you can act normal whilst doing your weekly shopping because that's how I feel. I just want to run away screaming and waving my arms screaming for help, but I control myself enough to do the shopping so the least you can do is not patronise me by saying 'oh just get on with it you'll be fine'

That usually changes their view on things, put them in your shoes, give them a taste of the fear and they then seem to understand a little better.