Hi all,
I'm writing because last night I had an anxious 'episode' (not an actual panic attach), or rather more an instance where my anxiety put a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. I can't see a counselor til tuesday so I'm looking for advice from anyone who has had their anxiety cause put a strain on the significant other and what I can do alleviate the pressure on him.

There have been several times lately where I have felt extremely insecure andanot trusting what he was saying. Last night, we were bout to get it on (if you know what I mean) and there were a couple of times when I would go in for a kiss and he would dodge the kiss. I thought it was in my head so I tried again and again and he was in fact dodging them. When I asked him why he wasn't kissing me he dodged the question and gave me a huge kiss on the mouth. I tried to let this go, and get back into the swing of things but all I could do was think about why he wasn't kissing me. It really hurt my feelings. Eventually, I told him I wasn't in the mood anymore and we proceeeded to go around in circles talking about what was wrong.

I tried rationalizing it and blamed it on past boys that had taken advantage of me, but really I believe it because deep down I'm having trouble trusting my current boyfriend. We've known each other for a long time, and I've seen him lie to others about stupid, small things, and while they don't affect me, I'm still paranoid that he might do the same to me. I wish I was one of those confident girls who didn't care, and was able to put these thoughts out of my head, but I'm not.

I know I'm smart, which Is why i'd like to not to continue to have these episodes where I make my boyfriend feel like he is doing something wrong, when really it is my own thought process that is affecting me. I didn't know what to do last night, but I ultimately went home so I could give him space because he said he was upset, frustrated and a little mad he still had to keep proving his trust to me. I just wanted to give him space.

Any advice or similar experiences where you just can't seem to separate your negative thoughts from your relationship?