My story is kinda long and it makes me feel better explaining it, so that's why i'm doing it in several parts. It's okay if you don't read it, it makes me feel good saying it, since I am embarrassed, and don't tell many people in real life.
I'm a 26 year old male. I have ambitions of being a Special Operations soldier. I have absolutely no family history of anxiety, my Father was a Spec Ops soldier, my grandfather was in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam, and my brother has served a tour in Iraq. The women in my family are also extremely independent with no instance of any anxiety disorder. So the members of my family have always been mentally sound. Then there is me, the earliest I can remember having PA's is the 5th grade, I was scared I was gonna throw up in class and the teacher wouldn't let us leave, so I guess it was some sort of claustrophobia. I would bite the back of my hands, leaving marks, to try and take my mind off of it. I would also cry aloud in the middle of a silent class. I don't know anyone else scared of their body, definately not in 5th grade. My anxiety about vomiting gradually subsided as I became more independent and unafraid to just get up and leave if I felt I needed to. By 11th grade everyone was smoking marijuana and dropping out and that included me. The following year I re-enrolled and was doing decent. I still smoked marijuana recreationally. Then one day we were having the Pre-SAT exam at school, and I didn't take it seriously. Me and my "friends" decided to get high before school for the first time. Since my tolerance was pretty high I didn't always get high from say 1 joint with friends, so I decided I was gonna smoke this pipe as hard as possible to make sure I would get high. So there I am in the back of a Geo Storm commiting the act that would detrement my life from that moment on. I inhaled as hard as my lungs would allow, and then off we were. We always stopped at the store by our neighborhood for some gum and soda, and by the time I was ready to check out I was almost blind from being so high, as far as I know it was only marijuana, but I smoked it like it was my last hour on earth. When I say blind I seriously mean I couldn't see s**t, I was scared but not panicking just yet. About 10 minutes later we were across the street from the school in a neighborhood driving around trying to pass time till school started. I started freaking out and this is the first time I can remember feeling my pulse and noticing how fast it was. I seriously was like 150-160 bpm. I was scared, so I begged my friends to take me home, which they did. In retrospect I believe had my friends not taken me straight home, the school would have had to call an ambulance. Luckily, I was able to keep it together until I got home. As soon as I walked in the door I lost it, pacing, crying, screaming, I definately felt like I would die. My mother who is a Paramedic and RN, took me to her work, which was for the hospital, at a transport ambulance. They had the biggest most state of the art ambulance. So she sat me in back and took an EKG. All her paramedic friends looked at it and said it looks normal, just fast.
The rest of my story in part 2