Dependent, Unemployed, Depressed.

[beachymg]

So I've been depressed for a while because of my unemployment and financial issues. I lost my job when my Green Card application was voided because of my divorce a year ago. My work visa expired and now I have to apply for a new visa that's not affordable. I've been living with my boyfriend and he's the one that's been taking care of me and my son. My ex-husband and I both have custody so we take turns in taking care of him. I constantly have to tell myself that it will be OK in the end and that it just takes time. However, everyday, I am reminded of how shitty my situation is. All my friends work and have money to support themselves. I have absolutely nothing. I mean nothing. At my age of 26 I wanted to have a career and just be settled. I'm so dependent on my boyfriend that I feel like such a burden to him. It doesn't help that my family is constantly asking me for money. They ask because they think my boyfriend has extra cash to be handing out. Which is not the case. He makes enough to have a comfortable living situation for the three of us. It's also really embarrassing that my family thinks that way. It adds so much more stress. It kills me ask my boyfriend for money. The anxiety kicks in hard when I have to ask him for money. So, recently I asked him if we could help my mom on processing her green card. My sister offered to help her in the beginning, but she all of a sudden just dropped out and stopped helping her. Even though it was all her idea in the beginning. So now my mom's left with all these documents and no money to file it. Of course, I have every intention to always help my family. I'm just not in the position of helping them financially. He said he'll help. But I know he really doesn't want to. I know he has his reasons. Which is fine. The money we're using to help my mom is suppose to go on my work visa so I can work and travel. So I'll have to wait longer to work. I just wish I didn't have to depend on anyone. I just hate it so much. This has been the main reason of my depression. There are days when I come home from lunch with friends and just start crying. Hard. I sit at home every day of the week and just hate on my situation. I try so hard to think of the positive things. I work out, I try to stay busy with volunteering, I try to surround myself with positive people, but in the end, I STILL don't have a job! I can laugh a little when I say that, because it's pretty ridiculous.