Considering ending it all....

[mindtides]

sorry need 10 posts

[Lin]

Healing Time - last few days managed to get sleep tablets right so getting some sleep now and it has made a real difference to how low and desperate I feel. It might be good for you to get some sleep sorted if not done so already.
Also therapist and pyschologist been seeing last month have really helped by looking at my personality and working out what my triggers are and where I go round in viscious circles and then think suicide or self harm.
They have started to teach me where my character can put the stops into the circle so go onto an OK state rather than suicidal. Long way from managing it, but do now notice when spiralling or ruminating out of control so can stop that sometimes more quickly, but only if head not so bad no control at all and just act.

[HealingTime]

Healing Time - last few days managed to get sleep tablets right so getting some sleep now and it has made a real difference to how low and desperate I feel. It might be good for you to get some sleep sorted if not done so already.
Also therapist and pyschologist been seeing last month have really helped by looking at my personality and working out what my triggers are and where I go round in viscious circles and then think suicide or self harm.
They have started to teach me where my character can put the stops into the circle so go onto an OK state rather than suicidal. Long way from managing it, but do now notice when spiralling or ruminating out of control so can stop that sometimes more quickly, but only if head not so bad no control at all and just act.

I've been taking sleeping pills and I'm still up a lot during the night. Last night was better though.

As far as being suicidal, I still think about it a lot but I think I'm past the scary I might actually do it stage. For now maybe. It was last week Monday I cleared out my desk at work.

I'm preparing mentally for divorce and life after.

[DodgingRain]

My desk has been cleared out of anything personal for over 5 years. I can grab my backpack and walk out within seconds. When I leave at night there is absolutely nothing of mine at work.

[HealingTime]

My desk has been cleared out of anything personal for over 5 years. I can grab my backpack and walk out within seconds. When I leave at night there is absolutely nothing of mine at work.

Do you do that for the same reason I cleaned out my desk?

[Ahlstrom]

I am sorry to hear of this.

After my mother and father got divorced when I was 10 my mom would have crazy panic attacks and depression every night, I only learned that 9 years after.

If you are feeling suicidal check yourself into a self help facility, they take any possible way of self harm out. I went there when I felt like ... Euthanizing myself from tons of pain caused by a bad reaction to medicine.

[HealingTime]

I am sorry to hear of this.

After my mother and father got divorced when I was 10 my mom would have crazy panic attacks and depression every night, I only learned that 9 years after.

If you are feeling suicidal check yourself into a self help facility, they take any possible way of self harm out. I went there when I felt like ... Euthanizing myself from tons of pain caused by a bad reaction to medicine.

I will either end it or I won't. I won't seek help I don't want to get out away. For me or would be too much on top of what I'm already dealing with.

[DodgingRain]

Partly, and partly so I can just say fuck the world and disappear easier either via suicide or some other way.

[jessy]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles .

I have been where you are & I did try to end my life , I failed miserably & ended up crashing my car (writing it off) and then in hospital then got a drink & drug driving conviction .

That was 18 months + ago . The shame & guilt & pain I caused my family was terrible .

Please please don't make the same mistake I did
God bless you & I hope by now you are feeling at least a little better
Xx

[HealingTime]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles .

I have been where you are & I did try to end my life , I failed miserably & ended up crashing my car (writing it off) and then in hospital then got a drink & drug driving conviction .

That was 18 months + ago . The shame & guilt & pain I caused my family was terrible .

Please please don't make the same mistake I did
God bless you & I hope by now you are feeling at least a little better
Xx

Jessy I'm sorry you went through that. I am scared of failing which is one reason I'm still here. I am feeling a bit better ... Today.