Hello friends. I had a pretty good weekend. My little bro came up to stay with me for the weekend. I took him driving in a parking lot right near my house so that he could practice for his license. After that, we drove a little bit, and we sat in another empty lot away from my house that gave me some trouble with my anxiety before. About 15 or 20 minutes later, we left. Before I took us home though, I drove us out of a wendys close by home and right onto a main road where we sat behind a red light in the broad day light and scorching heat behind 4 cars. I began to get nervous and feel panic coming on but I held my ground. When we got home, I told him that I've been holding some resentment against our father or subjecting to fear with this horror movie that he repeatedly tricked me into walking in on as a young child, and as a result, developed a specific phobia towards this external stimuli. I went to an NLP practitioner about a month beforehand, and her an I watched this 4 minute clip of this film on youtube, and it was the first time I came face to face with this thing in years without running away. Tingling face, and racing heart all there. I didn't have audio on her computer though, so I couldn't feel the full force. This time though, with my little bro, we watched that same clip, together, with full audio AND video. My face did not tingle. And my heart was not beating out of my chest. When it was over, I put my hand on my brother's heart, and my other hand over mine. His heart rate was a bit slower than mine, and mine still had a bit of speed and momentum. But after that, I said, "Fuck it, play this next clip." And we played another clip, (this one only about a minute long) that I had never seen before, or at least don't remember. I have to tell you all, it felt good as all hell. To face your faces. Now NOBODY on this planet can say that I am a coward. I was apprehensive, and I didn't wanna do it, but I did it anyway, and felt great!!! Next time he comes up, we are going to watch the whole damn movie. If it's too much, all I have to do is say "I've had enough for right now", but I don't think that will even be necessary. I am facing my fears, and getting better each and every day. I faced my fears this weekend, and damn it, if I can face my fears, SO CAN YOU!
This is exposure therapy, and even if I get rid of this childhood phobia 100%, I realize that there is a good chance that I will STILL have to work hard to overcome the agoraphobia, but I am willing to work on that for my own good. Destroying this childhood phobia though should at least neutralize a bunch of my anxiety though, and at the very least help me put some fear, anger, and resentment of my past behind me.
What do you guys think???
Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
Reply With Quote
