Went to a family doctor today. She told me to"make a friend."

[bitsofthread]

The shame I felt when she said that was enough to send me into a crying spell right in front of her. I just haven't been able to get out enough to do so. I had met a few friends in college that I felt were detrimental to my health, such as the substance abuse girl, the bdsm recruiter, and the girl who hangs with the other race so much she looks at me like my skin is poisonous. Other than that I got desperate and befriended a teacher who knew what I was going through and invited me over for coffee and counsel. That turned into tea and crumpets with the most devious person I'd ever met. Later I discovered, (from the substance abuser, and the bdsm recruiter) that the teacher was known for taking advantage of students. *facepalm* WHY is it so HARD to find decent PEOPLE?! .... back to making friends....

[bitsofthread]

Maybe I am just too picky. I just don't like having people try to get me drunk all of the time, when I know that won't help the problem. And when I'm around the recruiter, I feel like I am just out of reach of her because of my decision not to get into bondage and all. I always feel like if I were only more her type she would open up more and become a deeper friend. She always keeps me at arms distance because she cant trust me with the stuff. Its like I'm being punished for keeping my nose clean. Maybe I should've tried pot when I had the chance, lol.

[Lin]

Your family doctor does not sound like they have understood your problem at all. Have you got another doctor you can go and talk to who will listen to you properly?
You should be out having fun and enjoying life when you are young and able, and at the moment you are allowing other people to stop you doing this.
There are lots of therapies which could help you to overcome your fears of the other people, or the fear of going outside and being confronted by this behaviour.
Please seek new help from someone who can understand you and give you access to proper help which will lead you on the way to not letting these people or any fear stop you living your life.

[scared44]

Maybe I am just too picky. I just don't like having people try to get me drunk all of the time, when I know that won't help the problem. And when I'm around the recruiter, I feel like I am just out of reach of her because of my decision not to get into bondage and all. I always feel like if I were only more her type she would open up more and become a deeper friend. She always keeps me at arms distance because she cant trust me with the stuff. Its like I'm being punished for keeping my nose clean. Maybe I should've tried pot when I had the chance, lol.

I agree with Lin :-) xx

[bitsofthread]

Thank you, Lin and scared44, for the support and advice. My doctor did prescribe an antidepressant, the generic version of Lexapro. Have you had any experience taking antidepressants for anxiety? As for making new friends, its always been really hard for me. I have been afraid people ever since I can remember. In middle school I had an anxiety attack at a water park after falling into some deep water I wasn't looking for, and everyone just ignored me because I embarrassed them. After that I kind of lived in fear of embarrassing myself. Clinging to my older sister was not helpful either, as she only wanted to be rid of me and hang with the cool kids. To this day my sister treats me as if she is better and I'm just unstable. She wouldn't even let me watch her kids without Mom, "Nanny," being there. I'm 25. Just don't understand why a little anxiety or depression would make someone distrust me. I guess I'm feeling a little bit rejected and detached from everyone right now. My significant other helps a little, but I cant keep flooding him with sadness or I'm afraid he will walk away. I fear that he thinks I'm going out of my mind, or I'm unstable.

[Lin]

I take anti depressants for clinical depression and diazepam for anxiety. You will need to give them about 3 weeks before you hopefully start to feel better and you might notice some side effects but if tablet is right for you it will help you lots if you persevere with it. If it does not work and lots side effects there ate lots more you can try.
It is very difficult for people we live with or people who have never had it to understand, so it makes us feel more isolated because hard to talk to people.
But forums like this are good or where you live your mental health service might have peer support groups where you can meet up with people not well and who will help and understand.
You should ask your doctor or contact your mental health service to find out what you have in your area. I go on NHS courses and recovery education service courses every term where you learn lots techniques to help with your depression but also a chance to make friends.
I find it much easier to go to meditation groups and courses now where I don't know anyone, whereas i struggle badly socialising with friends or work colleagues.
So why don't you see what id available in your area, a lot of the courses and some meditation groups are free so it need not be expensive.
Take one step and if you are feeling better because you are offloading to people you meet who understand, it will take pressure off your husband to try and understand, and help you lots.

[bitsofthread]

I did not know there were these types of groups. I might look into that... Of course I'm scared ****less of trying it, but it would definitely be good for me. : ) Thanks.

[Applecherry]

Wow, your family doctor does not sound like she should be dealing with, depressed or anxious patients! If it were so easy to find valuable, fulfilling friendships one would not have depression in the first place over it.

[Weyoun]

A primary doctor flat out told me: "I can't help you. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist." I don't really blame him though. He was like 75 years old and probably just wanted to retire.