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  1. #1

    A complicated problem that won't disappear

    Btw before reading I will not take any prescribed pills to curve sadness because it is an external problem and I'm more than certain that I am more than capable of living a happy life if these problems are gone. So i wouldn't necessarily classify this as depression but definately feeling the symptoms and i talked to my doctor and she doesn't believe me to be depressed.

    I have tried everything and I'm flippin sick of it. For once i want to cuss until I'm blue in the face. I'm sick of how mundane and evil life is. Before you say life is what you make it, hold it right there. I used to think that way I tried thinking optimistic but it has never worked for me at all.

    I never have fun, obvious answer that one would answer with, well join some clubs or sports or volunteer. My answer I have done all of which most my life. Obvious commenter would say well were you friendly. My answer yes. Commenters response: Well work on your social skills. My answer I have my whole friggen life and I can illicit great responses from people so that clearly isn't the problem. Typical commenter would respond, well perhaps its your mindset. My answer: Facepalm


    Seriously I have tried everything and exhausted everything. I don't have friends,scratch that I don't have any good ones. (please don't say make better ones because obviously i'm having trouble with that as it is). I never have fun (nothing to do in my city at all tried everything including meetup's site). I have never had a girlfriend despite people other than my family saying that i'm good looking, funny, kind (not the door mat type of kind). I never find things funny like most people because most humor these days is cliche. Don't say its depression its just I'm sick of the same old jokes seriously.

    I'm sick of parents always arguing with me, no matter how much i've tried it doesn't resolve anything. They both are borderline crazy according to what i've heard to family. I know they love me but they don't show it. My dad has never hugged me or said good job to me (i'm lucky to have a dad because he didn't) and my mom says nice things sometimes, but she spends every second outside of work talking about the stresses of work and I worry about all the problems they worry about. Probably why I'm starting to bald and i'm only 20.

    My parents argue all the time and we never have fun like most families because they were working all the time. The main sign of love i see from them is the fact that they work hard but it seems like all there other imperfections cloud the happiness that should be going on. I've tried my heart out to be thet best son i could be. Avoided drugs, parties, sex, drinking,etc. thinking that I was doing the right thing not stressing them out like my sister but boy was i wrong. They argue about everything from miniscule stuff to major things and it drives me nuts. Makes me dread being at home, work and school. I feel there impact nonstop.

    Before you say sit them down and tell them how you feel. I've tried but they can't even do that and they are a married couple. In the twenty years I've known them i've never seen them have real fun together. I've never had a real conversation with my dad either. I try to sympathize for the fact he doesn't have a dad but its wrecking me. Today we got in another argument probably the fifth this week. Essentially I had car problems and my breaks weren't working and he didn't believe me. I told him the second i got out of the car that they weren't working which i told him a month ago since its his car and he doesn't believe me. So it started an argument of him telling me that i speed around corners and such but to be honest i drive 25 in a 35 speed limit area because I am a grandma when it comes to driving. I worry about everything and cna't stop and tried stopping but its so hard to stop when parents dictate your life.

    I can't move, i tried dorming in college but roomates drove me nuts with partying. I can't move because i just quit my job( they kept working me during my classes so i had to do something because they weren't cooperating with my schedule). So i just dont know what to do anymore.

    Every time i sit there trying to muster up the courage to do something or regain my past confidence they start arguing with me and i lose my motivation. Running around my neighborhood has been helping but it doesn't help that we are still getting snow in my state. I turned to playing videogames because its the one place i can get silence during the day. The city annoys me and college does to. Because i feel like i'm learning nothing. I want to improve at drawing, watch tons of tutorials but have zero improvement. Everything I do sucks despite honing my crafts about 8 hours a day since thats all i can do in my city. I want to start getting involved on campus but i live an hour from school so its pointless to drive back to school especially since i have to drive home everyday to take my sister to work and school. So its almost impossible plus i don't have the funds. Still looking for a new job.

    Where do i even turn. I also want a girlfriend but I'm not as funny as other guys, just a serious dude. Not shy just introverted which can be perceived as the same. Confident but not flamboyant. I just want to live a normal life, I haven't had fun since i was 13.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1,064
    You are far too young to be continuing such a sad life.

    You need to decide on one thing which you think you could be good at and enjoy and go for it - either look for a club or a class or somewhere where you can do it. If you find something you can enjoy, even if not brilliant at it, you will get something to focus on and it might give you the opportunity to meet people who you can mix easily with.

    I have had to push myself to go to things where I don't know anyone, and now I find it easier than going to places I do know people.

    I have started going to 2 meditation groups and there you get to learn how to have a pleasant life, have time to relax, and after the meditation you have time to meet the people over coffee and make friends with a variety of people. I go to a Buddhist meditation with guided meditation and Buddhist teachings ( but you don't need to be that religion because the teachings just make good sense for a good and happy life) and then I also go to a Christian group where the meditation is 20 minutes silence focusing on one word and the short teaching is about how god and meditation can help you through various circumstances.
    The people at each group are really kind and friendly and all have different reasons for going.

    Just a suggestion - I never thought I would like it but my psychiatrist suggested it and it has really helped me.

    So please have a go at trying something new away from all old friends, family and problems and see if you can find some fun, kindness and friendship.

    It just takes one brave step.

 

 

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