Im tired of feeling like im going to drop dead at any second, and i dont/wont/cant live the rest of my life feeling like this. I truly find it amazing that people actually live with this!!! im a 21 year old girl and if you took one look at me youd think i was the epitome of perfect health -yet ive convinced myself im dying of something.
I dont take the medication my doctor prescribes me because im sure ill have an allergic reaction(mirtazapine and lorazepam), i dont tell her because im worried she'll call me crazy and send me to a pysch ward. I stay awake each night googling every kind of health problem known to man literally- until im so exhausted my body makes me fall asleep, I violently kick and scream in my sleep and wake myself up atleast 2 or 3 times a night/morning. My heart pounds and flutters in my chest all day long, my head is so fuzzy and airy and overwhelmed with thoughts of having a heart attack, a stroke, MS, schizophrenia. Im waiting to just hear voices in my head, i feel like thats whats next. My very first panic attack was 3 months ago and that specific one plays over and over in my head. I smoked for many years, i was badly addicted and tried so many times to quit, now i cant have 1 cigarette without thinking i'll have a stroke. I truly dont feel like me, i just want it to stop. i feel like i stepped into someone elses body. Please help me, how do people deal with this? am i just crazy?