Mental hypochondria

[johnnywood]

Its been a long time since I've dealt with the anxiety-inflicted panic attacks and the "unreal" sensations and the constant obsession over what my body's doing. Thanks mainly to meditation/auto suggestion. (highly suggested for all of you sufferers!!!)

Needless to say, my anxiety has chosen a new victim - my mind. This is probably the most annoying thing I've ever had to face. I constantly develop new fears of losing my mind or developing some kind of mental issue. Its so absurd, for I've always had a relatively healty mind.

Everytime I talk myself out of one irrational fear a couple days later I start worrying about another one and another. The list goes on and on of how many different fears I've dug my way through. I know it's mainly based around the fact that I'm a highly self conscious person with a lot of introspection. I've been told that I'm wise beyond my years many times and that I'm rather profound. (basically I read too much poetry and philosophy and self-help and brain booster books - much regrets)

Everytime I worry, its never anything healthy like whether or not I've can make my bills or whether or not the film we're working on will succeed or whether I need to find a new job, its always something like "will I develop schitzophrenia?" or "I'm not as intelligent as other people, I'll never succeed in filmmaking" or "will I have the temper of my dad when I become one?" or "what if I become a heartless/self centered person" or "I'm not funny enough to ever keep a girlfriend" or "what if I forget how to laugh" And as absurd/juvenile as these things sound, my mind will continuously shuffle through them nonstop until it chooses one that really terrifies me and I zone in on - for days, weeks at a time.

To sum it up: I CONSTANTLY ANALYZE MYSELF... HOURS UPON HOURS of undying self analyzation. The next fear always gets worse than the last... and I'm really tired of it.

I'm only 20 but I used to be a really confident/ambitious guy. This constant worrying has almost broken my knees. I can hardly enjoy any of my passions or life itself anymore.

Guys, it would really ease my mind if I knew somebody else out there dealt with this. Anybody?

[Hey Guys]

Guys, it would really ease my mind if I knew somebody else out there dealt with this. Anybody?

Well...I'm that guy.

While many people with GAD worry about physical health concerns (brain tumor, heart troubles, MS, etc), I find myself worrying constantly about developing a mental disorder. I've diagnosed myself as schizophrenic, dysthymic, bi-polar, and plenty of others. When I look back, I realize that I don't fit the mold for any of these disorders...yet they're my top concerns for some reason. I've been told by many people that I'm extremely level-headed and mature for my age, yet these irrational fears dominate my mind on a daily basis.

Like yourself, I constantly analyze every aspect of my existence. Now I'm not saying self-analysis is bad, but overdoing it DEFINITELY is. Being super analytical is a common trait of anxiety sufferers though...

hang in there man, I feel your pain.

Its been a long time since I've dealt with the anxiety-inflicted panic attacks and the "unreal" sensations and the constant obsession over what my body's doing. Thanks mainly to meditation/auto suggestion. (highly suggested for all of you sufferers!!!)

Needless to say, my anxiety has chosen a new victim - my mind. This is probably the most annoying thing I've ever had to face. I constantly develop new fears of losing my mind or developing some kind of mental issue. Its so absurd, for I've always had a relatively healty mind.

Everytime I talk myself out of one irrational fear a couple days later I start worrying about another one and another. The list goes on and on of how many different fears I've dug my way through. I know it's mainly based around the fact that I'm a highly self conscious person with a lot of introspection. I've been told that I'm wise beyond my years many times and that I'm rather profound. (basically I read too much poetry and philosophy and self-help and brain booster books - much regrets)

Everytime I worry, its never anything healthy like whether or not I've can make my bills or whether or not the film we're working on will succeed or whether I need to find a new job, its always something like "will I develop schitzophrenia?" or "I'm not as intelligent as other people, I'll never succeed in filmmaking" or "will I have the temper of my dad when I become one?" or "what if I become a heartless/self centered person" or "I'm not funny enough to ever keep a girlfriend" or "what if I forget how to laugh" And as absurd/juvenile as these things sound, my mind will continuously shuffle through them nonstop until it chooses one that really terrifies me and I zone in on - for days, weeks at a time.

To sum it up: I CONSTANTLY ANALYZE MYSELF... HOURS UPON HOURS of undying self analyzation. The next fear always gets worse than the last... and I'm really tired of it.

I'm only 20 but I used to be a really confident/ambitious guy. This constant worrying has almost broken my knees. I can hardly enjoy any of my passions or life itself anymore.

Guys, it would really ease my mind if I knew somebody else out there dealt with this. Anybody?

johnny, I feel like I wrote this post myself. I'm in the exact same position as you. I've overcome many irrational fears throughout the past year of my life (I am also 20 years old, by the way, and know the "unreal" sensations you've mentioned as well), but for the last few months I've been trying to shake this odd obsession that I may lose my mind somehow. It's definitely irrational, and I too am highly introspective and have been told I'm wise beyond my years, yadda yadda. Becoming "insane" has become my worst fear, yet fear itself is the only mental problem I face (and it's self-inflicted).

Anyway, don't want to go on about myself, but I'd like you to know that you're NOT alone, and you are a very intelligent person. I can gather that from your post.. and you're not going crazy.

My suggestion is to relax, and to slow down on the philosophical/introspection readings. Thinking too much about these things has gotten me into much trouble as well. I've recently been in "recovery mode", lol.

I've noticed that the number one thing to help me so far has been to get into anything outside of myself- meaning anything that takes my attention off of myself. It can be anything, from a simple activity such as taking a walk outside, to starting a project around the house or setting a goal such as a new hobby. Talking to other people calms my mind as well, and so does serving others. Sometimes I'll ask my mother if there's anything I can help her with (I still live at home), or something simple like that, and it works.. even if only for a little while. Engaging in activities and conversations seems to be the best distraction for me.

Anyway, please don't stress out about these things johnny, as real as the fears may feel. Remember that these fears are merely illusions.

[johnnywood]

Thanks guys for the warm words. I have plenty of faith in myself and my ability to overcome anxiety, but one huge problem is the fact that I work in a warehouse cleaning out tea urns ALL DAY LONG. I need the money bad, while in my free time I constantly work on getting a film made and a steady income graphic designing.

I've always been ADHD and had problems with a hyperactive mind (I inherited it from my father... lol) and this job is quite possibly the worst job for me. I keep pretty optimistic - always trying to think positive and realizing how lucky I am to get paid to sit around listening to the radio and thinking all day, BUT IF I DON'T KICK THIS GODAWFUL ANXIETY I'm almost sure I'm going to blow a fuse in my head.

Anybody know if this is just a common phase for ADHD 20-somethings who are relatively new to stressful living? I think I might possibly be just channelling all of my stress through the subject of who I am, because I usually don't consciously worry about normal things like money and career.

Its hard to express my problems to most people about it because they usually associate anxiety and worries with things such as bills and large piles of paperwork... you know "normal" worries lol.

Anybody? Again, thanks for all replies, you don't know how much it means to hear I'm not alone.

Thanks guys for the warm words. I have plenty of faith in myself and my ability to overcome anxiety, but one huge problem is the fact that I work in a warehouse cleaning out tea urns ALL DAY LONG. I need the money bad, while in my free time I constantly work on getting a film made and a steady income graphic designing.

I've always been ADHD and had problems with a hyperactive mind (I inherited it from my father... lol) and this job is quite possibly the worst job for me. I keep pretty optimistic - always trying to think positive and realizing how lucky I am to get paid to sit around listening to the radio and thinking all day, BUT IF I DON'T KICK THIS GODAWFUL ANXIETY I'm almost sure I'm going to blow a fuse in my head.

Anybody know if this is just a common phase for ADHD 20-somethings who are relatively new to stressful living? I think I might possibly be just channelling all of my stress through the subject of who I am, because I usually don't consciously worry about normal things like money and career.

Its hard to express my problems to most people about it because they usually associate anxiety and worries with things such as bills and large piles of paperwork... you know "normal" worries lol.

Anybody? Again, thanks for all replies, you don't know how much it means to hear I'm not alone.

Yes. I completely know what you mean about not having "normal" worries. I tend to be quite relaxed about things like money, etc. as well. I just never could get myself very worked up over things like that. I think "ok, that's just the way it is." Yet I'll sit and worry about ridiculous stuff like "losing my mind".. I'm all with you on that.

And it definitely can be difficult at a job in which your mind is free to wander. I'm not sure about ADHD, as I don't suffer from that (to my knowledge), but I can relate with the racing thoughts. Personally I know that my mind races because I've been suffering from a copper toxicity (meaning I have too much of it in my body), which has caused my anxiety to become much worse. I notice a real difference when I watch my diet. Maybe diet could be contributing to your anxiety at all? It's possible.

Anyway, there I go with getting on tangents. You're not alone and I'm glad that it's helped you to know that we're suffering with you. It's awful, despicable.. so many ugly words put together. But you CAN get over it, and it WON'T be like this forever. Just think of it as a time to reprogramme your thinking, as hard as it is. Let me know how you're doing! You can always PM me if you need an ear.

[Robbed]

Its hard to express my problems to most people about it because they usually associate anxiety and worries with things such as bills and large piles of paperwork... you know "normal" worries lol.

This is true. Also, many self-help books about anxiety tend to focus on worries like bills and public speaking. And from my experience, even most therapists seem to think anxiety is just something you feel when you have to give a speech or have alot of debt. But the fact of the matter is that MOST people with anxiety worry MUCH more about their anxiety symptoms AND the possibility of having to live with them for life rather than real-world concerns. I, for instance, get quite scared at the thought I might not get better, yet I still think nothing of hiking alone in the mountains at night. Unfortuately, most 'mental health professionals' just don't get it.

With this said, the fear of 'going cazy' or having a lifetime mental illness (in addition to, or instead of a physical one) is actually a VERY common symptom of anxiety. And who wouldn't be afraid of mental illness if they had symptoms that made them feel that this is a real possibility? After all, anxiety can produce VERY disturbing mental/emotional symptoms such as feelings of unreality, depression, and obsessive thoughts of hurting people or being hurt. So a BIG part of beating anxiety is NOT trying to fight it. Learning to accept anxiety as a temporary problem that you wil have to live with in the near future goes a MUCH longer way toward eventually vercoming it. Perhaps the most important things to consider when deling with anxiety are:

1. As scary, unpleasant, and disturbing as the symptoms may feel, they are just symptoms

2. The symptoms will go away when the anxiety subsides

3. The symptoms won't hurt you

4. You will probably have to deal with them for some time before they go away - probably MUCH longer than you would lke or feel is necessary. So don't get upset or lose hope just because you aren't fully well in a week

5. Recovery is not a smooth process. Not every day will be better than the last. In fact, you will go through time when it feels like you are back at square one. EXPECT THIS!

One more thing. Chances are, we all know where our anxiety came from. But most of us can't really make the connection. I you have significant stress in your life or anxious thinking patterns, chances are these are the last things on your mind when you are feeling anxious. But this seems to be normal. And this is something else that most self-help books and therapists just don't seem to get.

[abcdefghix]

JW,

I know where you are coming from.

I recommend you read "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is famous in mental health circles for creating the mindfulness based stress reduction program, which has been clinically proven to improve symptoms of anxiety over a placebo.

It sounds like when you have these thoughts, your immediate reaction is to "engage" them, i.e., to try to prove to yourself that you are not going to go insane or become a schizophrenic, etc. For me, this approach can often be problematic.

When I try to engage these types of thoughts, I tend to tense up, and my emotions tend to go their own direction, independent of rationality. Thus, no matter how irrational the anxiety, I am often unable to convince myself that everything is OK because things just will not "feel" that way, no matter how unreasonable the fear or anxiety is. Trying to convince myself over and over again just makes me more anxious, more tense, more frustrated, and everything goes downhill from there.

In Kabat-Zinn's program, he teaches you how to use meditation to train your mind to view anxious thoughts as "just thoughts" and anxious feelings as "just feelings", so that you are able to let go of them and avoid the sort of senseless back-and-forth ruminating that only serves to worsen your problems.

Also, you may want to look at "Minding the Body, Mending the Mind" by Joan Borysenko. It is another good book that applies the concept of mindfulness to situations like ours.

[karny123]

Hi,

I know where you are coming from too. I've been this way since I was 14 years old, and as a result today I am studying psychology. I've been diagnosing and questioning my susceptibility to mental disorders using the DSM IV for the past five years and it really boggles my mind. I overthink everything, trying to get to the root of my thoughts and emotions even though I know, its probably unlikely for me to ever understand them, but I do it anyway because it's important to me to understand the causes. I'm also extremely afraid of developping various physical health problems and will notice subtleties in my bodily functions, research it, and begin to think worst case scenario. Then I'll dwell on it, talk to my family about it, who constantly tries to talk me out of going to see the doctor.

Before understanding myself to be a hypochondriac, I've diagnosed myself with dysthymia and anxiety, and as a substance abuser. Because I think the symptoms to be applicable, I'll look at the odds of having these issues, and their commorbity, and I'll assess my family history.
I too have been told that I think too much, and a professor once told after asking a question in class, that I was thinking too deeply into the subject.
And I don't whether or not this thinking is necessarily negative, as deep thought allows understanding, so I don't know what could be wrong with that. I don't know whether or not its a gift or a handicap. Perhaps the only thing we can ever be sure of is Cogito ergo sum.

Many people think me to be very mature, and wise beyond my years as well, and its always been that way. Maybe I didn't have much of a childhood. I'm concerned that my diagnoses are actually accurate. Is self-diagnosis even reliable in itself? I feel that I know myself better than anyone else in my life. I do know I think too much, but I can't stop it. I don't know if my over (self)analysis will allow me to thrive or is my downfall.

It's really nice to know that other people experience this too, and that I'm not alone.

[monster]

i think this is a thread thats very important. i think allot of anxiety sufferers worry about mental illness and losing it and especially scitzophrinia (sorry dunno how to spell it) i my self have had to battle this fear for a long time and as i type this I'm having to battle it now. i dunno what it is thats got us all convinced that this horrible mental illness is going to get us because im sure we've all been told that we're perfectly sane and that we dont fit the mold and show no signs that we could get it. but even though we know all this we still look at every movement, expression, reaction ( i personally keep checking my self to see how i react to stuff and how i look at things) and because we keep doing this we think we see something different, a sign that the crazyness is cumin BUT IT ISNT. i dunno what it is, is it that with anxiety our thinkings a bit messed up and thats the same as scitzophrenia so we associate them with each other or is it that the thought of losing our minds, having that first voice or hallucination is so terrifying we just constantly prepare our selfs for it. i havn't got a clue but i know it pisses me off and id love to be able to except that its just anxiety and nufins gunna happen and all the symptoms i feel and all the worrys i get about being a scitzoid are just fake but its so hard.

its good to know im not alone though

[karny123]

Hello all,

Wondering whether or not I was crazy was so debilitating I just had to find out. I came across these two books, "the Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron & "Psychoneurosis is not an Illness" by Kazimir Dobrowski, both of which really put my life in context. I also went to go see a counsellor who told me I was creative and bright, not crazy. Professionals too can provide answers.

Approximately 18-20% of the population is highly sensitive(a perfectly normal trait) and from what youve all described it is very likely you have inherited/developed this trait.

May your anxieties subside,