help, these self-defeating patterns are ruining my life!

[mylo]

i've been suffering from this since i was about 8 years old... i had ocd since as far as i can remember too.

i'm the kind of person who falls in love with things or people and forms a very strong bond. thing is, every time i do, anxiety attacks this bond, implanting terrible images in my head everytime i'm happy, and after a while i become numb to the stimuli... i'm really depressed because this just happened with my girlfriend, and i can never keep a girl after this happens...

i fell so deeply in love with her and ever since she mentioned that there were reports of a rapist living by her neighborhood i kept getting unwelcome thoughts in my mind until eventually the connection between me and her was severed... this entire day has been terrible for me, she texts me all these things that used to make me so happy and i feel so numb it disturbs me. i'm no longer even sexually attracted to her since the anxiety/ocd did it's work.

this doesn't only happen with people, but with things too, i've been a powerlifter for 2 years and it happened within 4 months of starting, but i still haven't given up and i still have to force myself to feel the motivation some times... but this whole process of heartbreaks and giving up on people and things is driving me insane...

the only reason i haven't ended my life is because i just love my family so darn much to disappoint them so... any suggestions?

[Dmarie83]

hi Mylo,

I can relate to what you feel. I think the worst thoughts possible, all the time. I become very attached to people and things also but soon found myself thinking negative thoughts which then lead to issues. It seems easier to think the worst rather then the positive it seems. I guess in my case I would prefer thinking the worst and being prepared opposed to not and being hurt/ surprised.

[abartlett331]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I also have a similar problem and let me just say you're not alone. It's like your subconscious is preventing you from achieving a state of happiness. Kind of like a dark cloud that constantly hovers over you. All I can say is that whenever you start getting any negative thoughts in your head, just take a deep breath, look around and realize that everything is just fine. Even though life can seem overwhelming at times, it helps to get in touch with what's really going on, take a step back and analyze why you're feeling this way.

Understand that what goes on in our heads, isn't necessarily what is going on in real life. Hanging around positive people who support you is also important. Whenever you start to feel like your getting depressed, surround yourself around people you love and interact with them as much as possible. Remaining solitary when your feeling depressed is the worst thing you can do. Going out to dinner, movies, dancing, etc.. can help keep your mind busy. This way you're not alone with your thoughts and you don't get a chance to feel depressed. Hope this helps you a little. Best of luck.