Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
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  1. #1

    This is me, anxiety or going crazy, I'm not sure.

    This may be a little long but I have to get if off my chest. I've been lurking here for a while to see if anyone has my same symptoms but I think I'm a little more unique.

    So about me, I've always been paranoid, cautious and more worrisome then most people but I thought it was to my advantage. Before all this happened, I was generally always happy, confident in myself and in my future, and just a bright person. I got into weed though, about two years ago. I'd never thought much of it, I'd always have a good time with it, but I got a little more paranoid than usual. It was one particular night that started it all. Me and my friend were smoking, having a good time, then we decided to watch a movie. They chose The Butterfly Effect. Strike one. Most horrifying movie I ever saw, and while high too. I immediately went into a panic attack, believing I was going to go mentally insane. My friend gave me a Xanax and I fell asleep. I'm not saying weed did me in to anxiety, but I believe it had an effect.

    Fast forward to now, I've had anxiety for almost two months. The symptoms have gotten worse and worse. Now my biggest fears are I'm going to lose my mind, or I'm going to not now who I am anymore. I am absolutely terrified of sleeping because one morning I woke up and I felt derealization like I had never felt before. Recently I've been having depersonization which has scared me more than anything. I can't watch tv or movies or play video games anymore without freaking out and feeling like I'll believe I'm in that movie or whatever. I was watching a movie this morning and I caught myself thinking for the characters like I was them. It scared me outright. I feel like I constantly have to remind myself of who I am. I'm so scared I'm not going to know who I am one of these days. I also am terrified to sleep because if I can't fall asleep right away I fall into dream like state that makes me believe is reality and when I sleep I have dreams that feel like reality also. I wake up and can't tell the difference between the dream I just had and the reality before me. Before I fall asleep, I believe I will either die in my sleep or wake up not knowing who I am, who my parents or my friends are. My biggest fear is just that, losing my mind, and I already feel like its happening.

    I go to the doctor again next week, they gave me a beta blocker that I took for a while but quit because it made me feel like a totally different person, I told the doctor and they said it was fine. I am terrified to take medicine in fear of the side effects. I also go to a physiatrist next week also but I don't know if they'll help. Right now I feel completely hopeless, like my mind will eventually fade away and I'll die not knowing who I am. I don't know what is causing my horrid fears, I have a good life and loving parents who sort of understand what I'm going through. My best friend who went through something similar doesn't even believe I'm serious. My other friends don't understand. I feel totally alone and scared.

    I'm sorry this was so long but if you read it all, I appreciate it. I just want to feel normal again and I don't know if that'll ever happen.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    170
    I feel at times I'm losing my mind especially at night I will fall asleep and wake up feeling weird and weird stuff playing on my mind

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    390
    I'm scared of that too I'm scared I'm gonna go crazy or lose my mind or lose myself I already don't feel like myself and that freaks me out due to derealization and shit it sucks

  4. #4
    You are def not alone. Last year around this time I was in the exact same boat as you. I couldn't watch anything scary like someone killing someone or someone with a disease cuz I would think I would either do that or have that. It was horrible. I could sleep for months, couldn't eat and lost about 30 pounds in less then a month. I would have dreams that felt so real I wouldn't remember the next day if it actually happened or if it were a dream. I would feel like i am not there( if that makes sense). I saw a psychiatrist and he actually helped me out alot. To this day I still have some days where I have bad anxiety but I am so glad I am better then last year. I am here if you err need to talk to someone

  5. #5
    Yea your definatley not alone. I'm kind of new to anxiety as well and basically every symptom you named I get as well. The whole thing with the video games and movies I do to and I get really derealization. My advice is when your watching a movie or playing video games just try not to think about it and just enjoy the movie. As far as the derealization just try to keep your self busy, like work out and exercise and it helps. Don't worry your not alone.

  6. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Lee's Summit, Missouri
    Posts
    54
    I've suffered from depression which would cause derealization, but it was only recently that my anxiety would act up out of no where. But the anxiety is starting to go away but I still don't like waking up because I don't feel real, or something idk. Like my dreams are more real than my reality or something. But one of the hardest things to do is to realize that your okay and that nothings really wrong. I am still trying to train my brain that there is really nothing wrong. But again you are not alone buddy. It can be scary sometimes but you are not alone and it can't really hurt you but it is frustrating sometimes as you can't concentrate and get confused.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    124
    I have the same problem. I have been diagnosed with hypochondrism. I have actually had to sorta detach from Facebook a little because if I read someone was in the hospital or something of that nature I felt like I had the symptoms of it. I do okay throughout the day but at night is when my mind races so my dr has me on .25 mg of alprazolam before bed and it helps. I never started feeling anxiety or panic until my cousin who was a year younger than me died in 2004. I have struggled greatly with it ever sense. I am actually going to see a psychiatrist next month because I feel like I am driving myself crazy! So please, don't feel alone.

 

 

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