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  1. #1

    My little embaressing secret.

    Agrophobia. My embaressing little secret.

    I've kept it quiet, partially because society look at you with scepticism when you tell them, and the way it's portrayed in such a comedic way by the media. Everybody know claustrophobia, and can be sympathetic even if even that too is regarded as a bit of a joke. I don't work, I rarely leave the house, I'm seen as a recluse and anti-social, and for a long time I too dismissed it at such. My partner is very tolerant to me not working, but I can see his eyes glazing over with a hint of scepticism when I talk to him about.

    I've had to learn to leave the house to function, I might spend up to two weeks at home if left to my own device, but if pressured to meet people, or go shopping, I'll go, I've had to, I had to eat and so I've gotten used to going to the supermarket.

    I'd make a list of all I wanted, I'd visualise in my mind where all the products where in my most familiar supermarket, and I'd go late just before closing time when barely anybody was in the store. And it's gotten easier, it's never gone away, just easier. But when entering an unfamiliar supermarket and if it was really crowded and stressy, I get flooded with adrenaline, feel dizzy, want to throw up and can't wait to get out. But it's hard to tell the people I'm with, as looking at me I seem normal. It's inside, inside my head and I can't show them what I'm experiencing.

    And I'm embarrassed. Because people don't believe me. "Nobody likes supermarkets" they tell me, "can't be that bad the Agrophobia, you came out to see me didn't you", yes I left the house and went to see a friend, and we are alone one on one, and I can go outside, that proves nothing, to be independent, to be able to buy painkillers, and food and feminine products, I've had to learn to leave the house, and believe me there has been weeks where I've literally eaten nothing but canned soup and rice for 5 days for dinner because I couldn't face going to the store. "I feel like that some day" they tell me "...I too feel lazy and eat what's in the house." and I sigh and regret telling them.

    And it's fine, I'm functioning. But it's hard sometimes, hard because nobody really know much about agrophobia, hard because people assume it's a fear of people, or crowds, hard because people think it's an excuse to be lazy or be reclusive, that I'm attention seeking and want to be regarded as "special". So rather than admit it, or tell people what is going on, on the inside, and why I don't want to go to the mall, or why IKEA is making me feel sick, I just make up other reasons, excuses myself, or suffer in silence.

  2. #2
    I too suffer from acrophobia. Didn't know that was what it was called until recently. I make myself go places just so I don't end up so bad that i can't leave my house. I go to work but I have been there for 3 yrs so its a comfortable place to me. There r only 6 staff and all know of my anxiety. This helps a lot. I am lucky though because my fiancée really does try to understand. What I hate the most is when people say " I feel like that sometimes" and pretends to know how u feel when they have no clue how u struggle every day.



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