Confused Boyfriend

[sameBoat]

Hey man,

Sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like the type of guy she will not easily forget because you are very supporting and right for her.

But trust me when I say that people that have extreme anxiety live in a world of their own while they are going through hard times. For someone with anxiety issues, it is really really hard to let people help cos it is not something that people without anxiety can really understand. It is wierd. I try and tell my girlfriends and they are awesome and love to comfort me and they go out of their way to help me as best they know but from my perspective (having had anxiety issues for 14 years) it is not enough. It doesn't mean she feels any different about you. You have to understand that. When she levels out, she'll be back in your arms imediately i promise. Best thing you can do is try and let her know every now and then that you are waiting for her and that she can call you anytime if she needs you. But don't push her or desperately try and get close to her like you were without her making that move first. If you do, I bet she will repel you and it will make it worse. Please dont take this harshly, i am giving advice no threats. You sounds like a true gentleman and i hope she gets better right away and goes back to you as you were.

I bet she is very embarrassed and low right now, but only she can come through it. you can only wait. its not like a broken leg.

thats my advice. good luck i am sure it'll be ok. when she levels out let her talk about it and take it from there.

good luck my man.

[softtouch]

Thanks for your post sameBoat. Actually it did remind me to fill in on a few things since my last post.

Well things are coming along very well and i really would like to thank this Forum for giving me the insight that i needed to understand what was going on in her life.

Yes it is not perfect but we are working on it. We are getting stronger by the day. She really is moving in the right direction to regain her freedom by doing things i know she sees as a risk.

Just the other day she really wanted to shop a certain store and i was going to leave her at the mall by herself for one hour. She felt up to it and i arrived back in the hour. She was a little out of sorts when i arrived and was not real happy about how she felt and told me of her negative experience / feelings. What i did was turned that upside down and explained to her that what this really was is a positive turn of events. That by taking this risk and surviving the ordeal she had moved that much closer to winning back her personal freedom. I wanted her to dwell on what she had gained and use that as a stepping stone to other acts of courage.

Anyway there are some great things happening and i just pray the wheels keep in motion.

[sameBoat]

well done mate, that is exactly the best way to have handeled it. she is lucky to have you by her side. thanks.

[dawn]

First of all I just read your message and wanted to say it's sweet that you are so understanding because I think a lot of people would just not understand what she is going through and make her feel even worse. She is probably embarrassed more than anything, it is clear by what you have said that she really cares about you Im sure this is even more difficult for her than you think. I myself am actually just realizing that I have anxiety, and it is unexplainably horrible to live with. Although no two cases are the same, Im sure I feel alot like your gf, and even with my bf, although I can hang out with him and do not keep myself in the house all the time, I often feel nervous and uncomfortable even though I am not at all (if that makes any sense lol) I would explain anxiety from my point of view being that you feel one way inside but your body and mind and actions are sort of acting without your wanting them to and you cant control it. It is extremely frustrating and hard to know how to deal with. But way to go for you sticking by her that is what love really is, being there for someone even if you do not really understand what they are going through and you do not know what to do. I wouldnt say you did anything wrong, and even by actaully going to her house, you were just trying to help, if anything if I were her I would rather that than you to have just backed off completely or snubbed her or something, because this is not something that is her fault, and it is obvious that you understand that. Anyways good luck, stay by her side, there is help out there Im sure she will be feeling better soon, I hope I do as well lol.

Take care.

[greenleaf]

*nodding*

I agree, write letters or email her. That might be a good way to communicate.

I know that when my anxiety was at its worst, I pushed away people who were trying to help. Sometimes, when you're going through that sort of thing, you can intrepret "help" as "pressure", and it can feel overwhelming!!

Tif =8-)

I completely agree. I like the letters because they are more personal.