what is the catalsyt for your attacks?

[heyjude]

For the last few months I have feared for my sanity. I learned yesterday that what might be happening to me is that i'm having anxiety attacks.
Yesterday i was out shoping and all of a sudden i became unconfortable with my surrrounding when someone i was with was on the phone. Then, my heart was racing, i forgot who i was where i was, what life was and an intense fear came over me. everyones face looked to be more scared than i was although in retrospect, i dont think they notice what was happining to me. Anyway, i ran to the nearest toilet cubicle and took a breather and it slowly subsided.
I have expirence these a few times before and they tend to come on when i hear sombody on the phone or when i'm arround people when they are being indecisive. it seems strange to me that this is usually the reason why i have these attacks and i was wondering what other peoples catalsyts were?

dan, new member.

[V for Victor]

Welcome!

For me, it's often when people start coughing. Especially if they're eating or drinking. I think my greatest fear is choking to death, or being smothered.

It used to be that I'd really get scared when that happened, but now it's not as bad. I'd freak out, and be on the ready in case I needed to do the heimlich or something. :roll:

If you're new to this anxiety stuff, the first suggestion I have is to research, research, research! Find out what kind of anxiety you have, whether it's Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or whatever.

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and a bit of Social Anxiety as well.

Feel free to ask around here and find out what people know about these things.

[heyjude]

thanks for the advice 'v for victor', i'm currently researching and it looks to be social anxiety. i go to the doctors tomorow anyway to explain, which im dreading, but hopefully i'll find out what up with me.

[txmom]

what is the catalsyt for your attacks?

I have three types of "anxiety triggers".

One is health related. Reading about an illness or imagining that I've discovered some new 'symptom" (like a bump inside my mouth- must be cancer!) or something wrong with my body triggers it.

The next is related to my 15-year-old son.
When he goes out of the house, i worry constantly.
If he doesn't answer his cell phone, I become convinced he's dead in a ditch somewhere, and immediately go driving around looking for him, even if he's only been gone ten minutes.
Sometimes I call him ten times in an hour, just to make sure he's "okay".
I know this is terible. It's irrational. it's practically child abuse.
I'm trying to stop. I know this is a horrible thing to do to my son, and it's just a product of my own craziness.
But I can't stop.
I feel like the worry has a "preemptive" or "preventative" effect. Like if I don't worry, panic, and freak out, then he actually will die, and it will be my fault. It will be because I forgot to worry about him enough.
I feel like my worry is the only thing keeping him safe.
I know that makes no rational sense. It's stupid and crazy. I'm a certified nut.

The third trigger is fear that my husband will leave me (which he's threatened to do many times) because of my craziness and dysfunctional, irrational behavior, which he doesn't really understand at all.
When I have this fear, I panic about what I will do if he leaves. I think about having to go live in a homeless shelter because I won't be able to afford rent. I panic about losing my son, losing my job, everything.
It's pretty sad, because then I wonder if I really ever love my husband, or if I'm just with him because I need him financially.
If I were wealthy enough to support myself and my son alone, I would still want my husband around. But I don't think I'd have these panic attacks about him leaving, if I were confident that I'd be able to support myself in his absence. So what I'm really panicking about is not losing the man himself, but losing my financial stability.

Anyway, those are my three main fears.

But really, I panic and worry about everything, big and small.
If my boss doesn't smile at me in the morning, it's because she hates me and is probably going to fire me. Based on nothing more than my boss's failure to greet me cheerfully, I start worrying about my job security.

I worry that the car will break down, and my husband and I will have no way to get to work, and my whole family will end up homeless.

I worry if someone raises their voice in my apartment; I worry that the neighbors will complain about the noise level, and the manager will evict us, and we won't be able to find another place, and we'll be homeless.

Every time I read the news, I worry that we've all consumed tainted food, and will die. Or that the war will continue for years, and my son will be drafted when he turns 18, and he'll die.

I worry about EVERYTHING, big and small.
Everything seems equally likely and possible, even when realistically, I can see that the possibility is remote.
It's never too remote for me to worry about, panic about, and freak out about.
If I worry, maybe it won't happen.
That's my reasoning, even though i know it doesn't make sense.

It's reinforced each time I worry about the worst possible scenario, and then it doesn't happen.
I feel like I dodged a bullet, like I prevented the thing from happening with my worry.
My worry is the only thing that kept us safe from disaster. if i'd forgotten to worry, disaster would've struck, and we'd all be dead.
That's how my subconscious thinking goes.
Consciously, I know it makes no sense.
But realizing that and acknowledging it doesn't seem to make a difference anymore.

[V for Victor]

Txmom, sounds like you're obsessing over the safety of yourself and your family a lot. Have you ever been to a doctor or a counselor about these issues? If so, what did they say?

Do you have any particular rituals that you do over and over again to try to alleviate your anxiety, or to try to prevent something bad from happening? I'm talking about compulsions that you feel that you MUST do, not just little quirks. These could be anything from checking locks over and over, to washing your hands repeatedly, counting, repeating words or phrases over and over...

I have OCD, and I do share in some of your same worries, about health and contamination. Just wondering if we might be in the same boat.

[txmom]

Txmom, sounds like you're obsessing over the safety of yourself and your family a lot. Have you ever been to a doctor or a counselor about these issues? If so, what did they say?

Do you have any particular rituals that you do over and over again to try to alleviate your anxiety, or to try to prevent something bad from happening? I'm talking about compulsions that you feel that you MUST do, not just little quirks. These could be anything from checking locks over and over, to washing your hands repeatedly, counting, repeating words or phrases over and over...

I have OCD, and I do share in some of your same worries, about health and contamination. Just wondering if we might be in the same boat.

I haven't been to a doctor about my anxiety or psychological problems, Victor.
I'm only just beginning to realize that they are becoming severe (or maybe they have been severe for a long time, but they didn't impair my functioning until recently).
Because I am uninsured right now, I don't know how I could go to a doctor at this time.
I'm looking into getting health insurance; if that fails, I may contact the MHMR (mental health resources) in my community, which I believe provides psychological help for low-income people who don't have insurance. I don't know if I'd qualify- I always seem to make just a little too much money to qualify for programs like that- but I can at least check it out.

So i have not been diagnosed, except that I've recently sort of diagnosed myself by looking on the internet and realizing that I fit so many of the criteria for anxiety disorder. I always just thought I was a chronic, obsessive (but sane) worrywart, but things are going a little beyond that lately. It is getting quite extreme.

I don't think I do have any OCD behaviors, although I did in childhood. I seem to have outgrown the need for safety rituals.
But in a way, the worrying (which is a very active worrying, not the passive, back-of-your-mind sort of worrying) seems to be a compulsive OCD-type behavior.
I mean, when I'm worrying I'm literally pacing, wringing my hands, hyperventilating, trembling, chewing the inside of my mouth to shreds with anxiety. It is a behavior, not just a feeling.
And I feel that if I don't get myself riled up into this state of anxiety daily, constantly, then terrible things will happen.
So I guess you could say that's an obsessive behavior.

Sometimes I wish I did have ritualistic behaviors that would calm me, or a higher power to pray to, or something that would offer some relief or comfort.
But rituals just seem empty to me, they offer no relief or distraction (like i said, I had a number of OCD rituals when I was young), and I'm an atheist, so I don't even have anyone to pray to.

It is a relief, however, to discover this community and read stories of people who are suffering similarly, and know that I'm not alone in this.

[scatmantom]

for me its the thoughts of having an attack, that spiral out of control and actually contribute to the attack happening! First time i had one, it was just overwhelming nerves, and ever since ive dreaded and feared it coming back. Its a vicious cycle kina thing :unsure:

[Kitten]

for me its alot of things:
1. exposing myself to other people (my personality that is.) to let people get a glims of who i am is really hard. Though i get better at it

2.when i have talked to other people i woory that they think i'm an idotor that i'm stupid.

3. when people comment or seem to have an opinion about my physical apperance. this is a thoughy.. its b/C of my mom though. she's always been obbsessed with looks... so it freaks me out when people feel a need to coment on my looks (e.g. a woman at work keeps asking me, are you wearing makeup today.. it might be B/c she wants to give me a compliment, but it P.O.s me! and makes me anxiouse

4. i keep fearing that something will happen to me, or people i love. so if i have an apointment with someone and they are late and don't answer their phone i start to think they might have been robed, or stabed.. (i always think worst case, and i start to practice in my head, what do do if i should be the one to find them hurt.)

5. germs worry me, when i touch things with my hands i get an eery feeling and i need to wash my hands... sometimes on the subway if i don't wear a coat i start to worry about having my back and my bottom touching the seat.

6. i cannot walk passed things that are "wrong", then the compultion come and i get this bad feeling inside of me:

e.g. i was in a book store on monday, and i was stoping to look at a book. there where 2 rowes for the hardcover version of the book, and 1 for the papaerback version, one of the hardc edisions where standing in the paperback roe, so i picked it up, pretended to look at it, and then i put it where it out to be. And when i walk in a foodstore and a cuppard is open, i close it, when i walk passed rugs that are messy i streighten...

7. i also get a little panicky at times if there is A LOT of people around me...


there are other things to... i often panic fro no reason, i go almost constatly with a bad feeling and i have problems breathing often. it feels as if soemones hand is behind my ribcage, laying on top of my lungs pressing down...

[txmom]

3. when people comment or seem to have an opinion about my physical apperance. this is a thoughy.. its b/C of my mom though. she's always been obbsessed with looks... so it freaks me out when people feel a need to coment on my looks (e.g. a woman at work keeps asking me, are you wearing makeup today.. it might be B/c she wants to give me a compliment, but it P.O.s me! and makes me anxiouse

I've definitely got this.
I've always had trouble keeping weight on (probably because I'm so nervous), but I can't bear to have people comment on my weight one way or the other.
Even if they mean it as a compliment, if they say, "God, you're lucky, you're so skinny" I don't take that as a compliment. I'm NOT lucky. They'd be skinny too, if they had such terrible anxiety that their throats closed up and made them choke every time they tried to swallow solid food.
But if they say, "You're looking healthier lately", this worries me too.
I assume they're implying that, number one, I didn't look healthy before, or number two, that they're politely trying to tell me I'm getting fat.

I know. I'm certifiably nuts.
:roll:

Whatever anyone says, I always interpret it as having some negative underlying meaning.

I also worry about making some small change to my appearance like cutting or coloring my hair or wearing it in a different style, getting a new outfit and wearing it to work, etc.
I worry that people will notice and comment on these things.
I worry that I'll just seem pathetic for even bothering to TRY to improve my appearance.

I was never like this when I was younger. I don't know when I became such a fearful and pathetic person, afraid of trying anything new.
It's like I'm always afraid someone will notice and mock my efforts, or say something belittling and hurtful. As long as I put no effort into my appearance, I can pretend I don't care what others think, and then such comments (if anyone ever made such comments to me) would not hurt.

But that's the thing: everyone I know is nice; nobody would make fun of me or make hurtful comments. No one ever has... at least not since junior high school. But I'm still afraid they will.
I don't know why I feel this way.
I'm afraid if I showed up at work with a new haircut, people would say, "Oh my god... THAT was a BIG mistake."
And it would be devastating to my self-esteem.

So, I preempt that scenario by never changing anything and keeping my appearance as plain and low-key as possible, hoping that people just won't notice me one way or the other.

[TWYI]

I, and my doc have never known what causes mine. The major ones I have had have all occurred in totally different situations, at different times of the day with different people.

One thing I cannot do is comfortably drive or walk past the site of my worst one, outside a petrol station about 3 years ago. I plan my journeys to take this place off any route I take. Sad, but there is too much assocation there.

More difficult is getting back to work after a major episode there last week, gradually getting back into it. Intensely more difficult when panic attacks happen in places you cannot avoid in the future, like silly petrol stations ops:

Glad I found this site, fantastic and thankyou mods....