Whenever I socialize with anyone outside of my few "comfort zone" people, my mind stays in overdrive, and it's exhausting. I can't just relax and have fun with people; I have to constantly be on my toes. It's strange because in high school, I was so comfortable with everyone.. but I'm now realizing that since it was a forced social environment, and there was a butt-load of stimuli, I never felt any pressure. But now, it's all different. Relationships with people are becoming real, and it scares me because I have nothing to hide behind. I've just had so many bad experiences where I've just wanted to run away from a situation but couldn't.. I have one bad thought and then suddenly, I'm spiraling into a panic attack.
It's even more frustrating because I'm a musician and people want to make music with me, but I avoid the fuck out of it because music is so personal to me.. and I know I'll be uncomfortable the whole time.
That being said, alcohol is slowly becoming something I rely on for social interaction.. and I do not want that.
I know that my anxiety is mostly psychological, and I have know idea how to begin tackling it.
anyone?