Dear Anxiety Forum members,
I am odd, I will admit. I am not here to hurt anyones feelings, nor to make them feel unwanted or to make fun of their conditions or disorders either. I am misunderstood at times. My approach to things that I read, is quite simply what my goofed up brain is telling me to do. I type, what it request for me to type. Remember, they're only words on a screen in front of you and how you interpret them is of your own choice and decision. I too have many conditions, disorders, symptoms, ailments, and disease. I am no different then any of you in that regard. I am the same.
I hope to give you an understanding of who I am, and why I am the way I am. To make this part as brief as possible, at least that is my goal anyway. My fathers side of the family was quite abundant in mental disorders, conditions, history. There were 5 schizophrenics, with many others that had anxietal tensions and disorders that I will not list here. Lets just say that there were many genetic abnormalities on his side. He himself appears to be an average fella, very kind man, and also has GAD, and SAD although he hides it well. He will always say no if invited to go somehwere even if it be a family function, yet when you convince him to finally join us he has a great time and will not stop talking about how much fun that was, and he's glad that he went as well. He also has a very odd sense of humor for example, while at a restaurant with my daughters whom are very attractive young ladies (blonde hair, blue eyes, you get the point) he notices the waiter looking at them in a way that he finds abit obvious as slobber running down the waiters face would probably give that away so he says "If you don't quit gauwking at my grandaughters in the manner in which you are, I will kill you and everyone that you've ever known"..He then laughs and says "just kidding!"..Well, the waiter has already wet himself and asks another to take care of his table. He meant no harm, it was just his own style, his way, his brand of humor..=my brand of humor..go figure. Sorry!
My mothers side of the family were brainiacs. Smart, educated, scholars, higher learning, book smart, keen, witty, bright, intelligent, wise, intellect out of their ears, and had NO mental disorders or conditions. They were Professors, Teachers, Accountants, Doctors,...professionals. Straight over here on a ship directly from Sweden. I have alot of ancestrial information about them. I have none about my fathers side nor where his ancestory or background pinpoints their heritage or region. Essentially, what my (2) parents ended up with was me. Yippee! An out of control, anxiety stricken, hyper-sensitive, hyper-active, hyper-vigilant, person with (1) side of my brain that is 100% Viking and will and has caused great devastating destruction on many scales and also has (1) other side of a brain that is filled with logic and reason with a way to learn and store information of that which smart or intelligent people would be able too..I have NO book education. I snapped at 10 years old. Guess who took over?...Yup, Viking Man. I did however regain control at 18 years, 2 months, 2 days old...I had too, or I would not be here today. I have controlled him since that day to some degree. He still can snap in a tenth of a second, and that's where the other half of my brain takes charge and forces me away from conflict. Not to save me, to save anyone else..I mean no harm to anyone, anywhere, at anytime.
There is one side of my brain that will react to any situation, anywhere, at anytime that will render an assailant, attacker, aggressor, incapable of anything other then breathing under his own power without machines..if I allow it.
There is one side of my brain that will help a homeless man find shelter, help an elderly lady cross the road, give you the shoes off of my own feet if you need them..
It's highly understood by me. I acknowledge it, I accept it, I know it is there...It is how I am programmed, wired, created, and I can not alter genetics...
I am only here to help, not to cause harm..
Have a great day all, and maybe we will be able to work together in the future to figure out the answers to your problems? I have all of my answers.