Dear forum (EVERYONE),
Yes, it is yet again the often mis-understood idiot that refers to himself as Enduronman. Since it seems to be suddenly quiet around here (instantly) as 10 minutes ago I couldn't even hear myself thinking! I go to the workshop in the backyard for a few tools and then return and everyone has disappeared..(POOF!).. Hell I think I just heard a mouse fart..shhhh.. I'm not even going to try to figure out where 5 other people went as they're all independent and got minds of their own, enjoy the silence for abit and take a few minutes of my time for my cybernet web buddys...Why not?
Anyway, I heard the front door open around 9 this morning and then heard someone walkin through the house. I didn't say anything or ask who's there? I just sat and thought WTF to myself as I didn't really care either way. Then into the kitchen appears...my son from another state?..Hey Cody! I gave him a hug, and then said "WTF are you doing here suddenly?". He said "Ma's boyfren brawt ma up cuz he gotsa bizznes metin.".. I think you can tell by the words that he doesn't live in a state where the english seems to be all that clear, precise, and defined but there's nothing wrong with that by any means..it's kinda unique. I've been to many states and yes I must say that the pitches, tones, expressional speech is widely varying within each individual one. Also, if you stay in any state for a period of time you also begin to somehow "pick up" the different twangs or variables of that specific region or area. It's actually kinda freakin me out a lil as I type this because that is something that I now would like to have an answer for? Why does my voice begin to alter, change, adjust to fit the area that I'm staying in?...Maybe this happens to everyone or maybe this only happens to me?..Holy s**t how did I go from "my son just suddenly appeared to speech, accents, differences of voice pitch in other states?"...
Also, if anyone actually read my post about my oldest daughter stoppin in SUDDENLY to say that she's going to college and that OUR attempts to work together last night ended in a complete failure after HER nervous system breakdown and the blurting out of a great big "F**K YOU..YAINT EVEN MA DAD SO F**K THIS!" and then just walked out..Well, she also SUDDENLY just stopped in again today with my grandson and said "We gotta do this together so I will be here at 8am tomorrow morning to get these papers done so...ok bye"..and then walked off... Does anybody know WTF IS GOING ON AROUND THIS PLACE BECAUSE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CLUE!!...(sigh) :/
I think one of our fellow members may have taken notice of something that they see in me when I type what appears to be "a garbled blurble of blabble" and the reason for that is just as you read above in the previous paragraph, it is because my mind processes one thing and then creates yet another thing to question and learn about, all by itself. Which obviously equals a whole bunch of s**t that I have learned everyday throughout my life, some of which is useful and some of which is useless but it really just depends upon the subject matter or topic. If I was to create a (forum signature) then it would be as follows: "I know alot about nothing, and a little about everything..The perfect balance." Sounds completely and utterly retarded to you I'm sure. You also may be laughing yer a**es off about it too but thats OK with me as I can also be a professional imbicile or clown too!!.. In fact, I hope it did make you all laugh because then that means you're smiling=endorphine release=a good feeling=happiness if only for a short while. Embrace and enjoy it while its there! I read SO MUCH doom, gloom, despair, grief, self-pity, hopelessness, haplessness,..etc. etc..I could keep typing word after word there. JUST FREAKIN SMILE FOR A MINUTE ALREADY!! S**t go stand in front of the mirror and make stupid faces and tell the mirror that Enduronman is a f**kin DUMBA**!!!... Hey try this, go in the bathroom and look into the mirror and yell "Enduronman you schitzophrenic nutjob!!! or try yelling like Will Ferrel did in the movie "Step Brothers" when he was yellin at Dale that he was going to do "SOMETHING TO YOUR DRUMSET!!"....BAAHHAHAAHA!!!!
Um, I just lost an entire hour because a friend that I had not seen in over a year just SUDDENLY stopped in and peaked around the same corner that my son did!. HEY DUDE, WUUZZZ UPPPPP!! (Twilight Zone World I live IN CONSTANTLY, at least its free entertainment!). As I now review the post that I had begun to type..Hell I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT NOW!! DaZZy D was right, I'm a completely fortunate and unfortunate trainwreck flusterkluck basketcase halfbaked slack jawwed booger eating knuckle draggin heirlip moron!! Hell I'm goin to take MY OWN advice now and go laugh at myself in my own freakin mirror!!!..
Ok, all kiddin aside now..Lets be serious here. I just wanted to offer a suggestion to all of those that struggle with (social anxiety disorder) and just can't seem to get everything just right to make this happen, because if you don't ever make the attempt to (be social) then this disableing condition will ALWAYS remain attached to you like this idiotic heart tattoo that I have on my left forearm that used to say a girls name but we broke up so I just tattooed a black patch over it kinda like what Pirate Steve wore in the grammy award winning movie Dodgeball..Looks so nice on my arm..I did it myself so it kinda resembles a cross between a heart and beached whale, great job way to think that one through E-Man idiot! Gosh dammit see?...Where in the hell is my brain when I need it!! Oh, right there.
You MUST get out of that house. I ALSO STRUGGLED WITH THE SAME THING FOR A VERY LONG TIME but here's how I cured this 1 aspect of anxiety (I wont get off track, I'm almost done). I would FORCE myself into some basic social situations, no I didnt read this in a freakin book or go online either cuz I didnt even know how to use a computer until Dec of 2008.. Back to the plan. I could NOT go into stores, into schools, be around crowds, groups, nothing. I took "baby steps" during this whole process and accepted the fact from the beginning that this may take awhile but its gotta be better then sittin here and bein petrified of NOTHING. Although, I wasnt afraid of people in general I was afraid of what I would do or how I would react to something that THEY did (if you've ever paid attention to how I was). This difference between you all, and I..is not an exact opposite even though it reads that way.. It is the exact SAME (social anxiety with panic) but I WAS THE PANIC!...
1. Pick a store, any store, anywhere near you.
2. Pick an EXACT time that is conveinient for you to stop into that store.
3. Stop into that same store, at the same time, every other day.
4. Walk around this same store, look at different items, and do not pay attention to any other person within that store. NO eye contact, NO hello nice day freak, NO ONE. Just focus on YOU, ITEMS, SAME STORE, SAME TIME, EVERY OTHER DAY, SET A TIME LIMIT you can manage...
5. This is about taking the "baby steps" to create A NEW ROUTINE within your mind. It does not yet include...OTHER PEOPLE.
6. Get to know this store. The exits. The ONLY person that you will NEED to meet, and know, and communicate with is..THE CASHIER. Thats it...1 friggin other person. She or he is VITAL to beginning this "healing and learning process" The cashier is of NO THREAT TO YOU WHATSOEVER..REPEAT THAT, REPEAT THAT...
7. Once you establish this new routine, that will slowly take shape, you will learn new social skills, just like we are starting Elementary School all over again. (just dont throw yer books at the teacher and tell her to shove em)
8. Part of this process is also to get to know, that 1 SINGLE PERSON, that is the most crucial part of this "HOLY SH*T I'M SO PETRIFIED THAT I CANT EVEN FEED MYSELF CUZ I'D HAVE TO GO TO A STORE" condition, disorder, disease, curse, ghost,...That I lived with, and dealt with, just like you now must deal with..
This ENTIRE process begins with your plans. Write them down. In order. In routine. In time...All of it, like learning your ABC'S...
If you've had enough of hiding from this world, this planet, the other people living on it with you...then use this assignment to get YOUR life back like I had too...
Your own decision, within your own mind.
Thank you for reading another novel..It is to help you.