Im Dan, I'm new here, and im scared!

[willstar]

Hi everyone,

My name is Dan, and I'm scared. Ive been scared for the better part of 2012.
I'm scared that there is something wrong with me!

I have always been a strong and proud guy. A little on the lazy side, and a smoker, but all in all happy.
Things started to change early this year. A few back problems and a diagnosis for high blood pressure has lead to endless check ups, all the usual anxiety symptoms, and a whopping big list of medical bills. I am sick of it!

My main stress is my heart. I get palpitations (sometimes racing, sometimes slow, but often very exaggerated respiratory sinus arrhythmia). I get dizzy spells. I get pains in my chest. Sometimes it feels like my heart will just stop. Sometimes it feels like it is beating so hard, it will break the legs off of my bed. Every time i bend over, my heart thumps so hard in my chest that i feel like i have to lay down.
This all happens at night! Sometimes i can feel it coming on at about 6pm, sometimes i feel lucky when i doesn't come on until 9pm.

I have had 3 ECGs, 3 troponins tests, a stress echo cardiogram, a 24hr holter monitor and both kidney ultrasound and Doppler ultrasound. The only thing that they can find wrong with me is my slightly elevated blood pressure (140/95 average). I have seen a Cardiologist a few times who is trying to control the blood pressure with medication (unsuccessful so far). I have Valpam 2mg tablets that i use if i am having a freak out, but i don't like taking them and avoid them wherever possible.
I have been seeing a psychotherapist for a few months, and although i get some relief from the sessions, i am yet to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

My biggest problem is that i don't believe the doctors are being thorough enough. I can go through a few days convinced that it is anxiety, but then i manage to convince myself (manly through chest pains) that there is something that they have overlooked. Then the downward spiral starts again. Another GP appointment, a few more tests and many sleepless nights.

My girlfriend has been fantastic. She can calm me down with a back rub, or a chat, but i feel that i am getting scared of the times that she is away, or out with friends.

I have all of the support that i could wish for through family and friends. I have taken every avenue that i know of to correct whatever this problem is.
But i'm not rid of it. I still have moments of terror that i cannot explain other than my body telling me that there is something wrong.

I would love to hear from someone else who has been through, or is going through a similar 'health fear'. To confirm through another 'sufferer' that i'm not dying, that i will get better, and that night time doesn't have to be feared , might be the light that i am so desperately searching for!

I look forward to hearing from someone.
Please?

[pawlowski187]

Oh my gosh you are not alone . And I can guarantee you that all these feelings are anxiety related . The mind is an amazing tool , and anxiety in itself can cause many many horrible frightening symptoms .... Heart palp , dizziness, chest pain, shortness of breath .. The list goes on and on .. I have sufferd for 5 years now or more and trust me when I say it will get better. Have you looked into any all natural remedys ? Oils ? Vitamins? Do some research , there's allot out there to experiment with .. But I can promise u that u are not crazy and I am and have had the same exact feelings as you... But try to take some comfort in what the doctors are telling you, they really do know what there doing .... Try to breath and relax .... Maybe try yoga, but continue with therapy and stay on your meds ... Message me anytime if you just need to talk god bless

[dazza]

Hi Dan

You show all the typical symptoms of high anxiety and if you analyse the evidence - all the wiggly fingers point in this direction.

Let's take a look...

Fact: Yours occurs mostly at night (i.e. you have an associated time for anxiety)

Fact: A good old back rub can help sooth

Fact: Some relief from therapy

Fact: All blood work done & proved OK

Fact: All your physical symptoms are typical of anxiety

Fact: If you were having a heart attack you wouldn't be here today

Fact: Beta blockers are great for heart palps (reduce adrenalin)

Fact: Try 400mg of magnesium per day... it's all the rage at the moment. Magnesium helps to maintain a healthy nervous system and has been
proven to help anxiety

Fact: You feel terror. Yeah, yeah... been there, done that, got the t-shirt (in all colours & sizes)
This will go in due course.

[willstar]

Thanks Pawlowski187!
Its great to hear that kind support and warmth still exist in strangers. I might have to take you up on your offer to talk sometime.

Dazza, your analyses is handy. Although I wish i could look at these symptoms in the same "yeah yeah..." frame of mind. One day soon hopefully!



A strange "event" happened to me this afternoon.
You know when you open an external door when its windy and you get the sudden change in air pressure? I did this walking out of a shopping centre this afternoon, only when the pressure change hit me, it felt like someone kicked me in the chest! Its a similar feeling that i get if i bend right over, like when picking something up.
Does anyone else get these types of symptoms?
I get them even when im feeling most relaxed.

Thats another thing that scares me senseless! My symptoms are there, even when i am calm and collected.

[willstar]

The part that i struggle with the most is believing that this is 'just' anxiety. If i could 100% convince myself of it, then a path to recovery could be made clearer.
I dont know how to truly believe, in the heart of an 'attack', that i am not going to die, that i will be here to see tomorrow.

I have chatted to friends in the past about anxiety symptoms that they were dealing with. It seems like they all had experienced fear, but not fearing death. They say that they got scared because they didnt know where they were, disoriented, dizzy, etc, but never thought they were at deaths door.

I dont understand how i went from someone who was in control, to what i see as, the worse end of the anxiety spectrum.

[orangeribbons]

Hey Dan. You remind me of my best friend. He's always got some kind of ailment that he's convinced is about to kill him; heart palpitations, back pain, chest throbbing, etc. He asked me all week if I thought it were possible that he had lung cancer. He goes to the dr alot and they always tell him he's fine, other than the fact that he has GERD - acid reflux. So I remind him to take a Tagament before eating and he doesn't get the chest pain, to take a walk after eating instead of laying down (he likes to take naps after eating, bad for GERD).
I'm sorry you are feeling as though the doctors are missing something, but as long as you've looked into everything, you truly are fine. Anxiety creates lots of strange physical sensations - I suffer from them daily and I just have to keep telling myself that it's in my head, I'm fine, etc.
The best thing I can do is exercise (then I know I'm healthy or I wouldn't be able to do it), deep breathing, eat healthy, sleep enough, avoid caffeine and most of all DON'T smoke! You really should quit - it will make you feel better about your health, in general. Best of luck, man.

[willstar]

I know i shouldnt smoke, or drink coffee.

The hardest part about giving them up is that i have always used them as a reward.
A coffee and cigarette the morning after a terrifying night is almost a reward to myself for making it through.

When i have decided not to smoke, i feel like i have deprived myself of an earnt reward, then i get anxious!
If i smoke, i know its damaging my health, then i get anxious!

I agree that exercise is a big one. But for some reason i have developed a "maybe tomorrow/its too cold/its raining/" disorder.
Any tips on shifting it?

[dazza]

Willstar - you have "exercise avoidance disorder", LOL (ok, I just made that up)

I can understand it though. It's all too easy to find an excuse, eh?
If nothing else I find exercise utterly boring, and, well, the pain is not much of an incentive really.

Best bet is to find a sport you like... something to motivate you.
(I'm no sports freak, but I happen to love squash)

By the way, your post above re. pressure sensation and bending down.
Again - both common anxiety symptoms.

You've convinced yourself your heart is knackered, therefore just the slightest of exercise (like bending down) causes a brief (probably unnoticable) moment of fear.

Anxious folk are super sensitive to their surroundings, and external influences can make us jump.
You probably felt the pressure change and instantly reacted to it... which made it seem worse than it was.

All sounds crazy I know... but you'll understand it when you're more experienced with the disorder.

[willstar]

In your experience, and your perception, do people ever fully recover from this disorder?
Or do we just become accustomed to it, and learn to deal with or ignore it?

The latter sounds terrible!

[dazza]

Yeah - you get over it. Or the worst of it anyway.

I'm doing OK now, but not the same person I was 8 months ago.
(Having said that, I'm not entirely sure I want to be - since anxiety has forced me to make some long awaited, positive changes)