Looking for advise please..

[Marinax]

I guess my general question here is if I should go to a doctor or not? Or what I should do? Or what's going on with me? :/
I also apologize that it is so so long. And I'm sorry for any grammatical errors/whatnot. I tend to reread things 20 times to make sure they're right, but I feel that if I reread this I'll cry or something.

Okay, to start out I'm 18 (19 next month) and I just recently graduated high school. Technically graduated...even though I was way too scared to go to my graduation and walk across the stage in front of all those people that I stayed home instead... All throughout school I've always been known as the shy girl and never really talked to anyone. I honestly only have 2 friends, who happen to be brothers, otherwise it would probably be 1. I'm scared to talk to anyone I don't know, I hate going out in public, I blush/sweat/heart races when I have to do anything in front of people or talk to anyone other than my 2 friends. This whole summer I've left my house about 5 times. I just cannot be around people. I don't even have my license. I'm terrified of driving and terrified of the police at the office where you take the test. Everyone else is going off to college this Fall and I haven't been able to apply anywhere or do anything about it because I'm scared. I feel like such a failure... I also get what I guess are panic attacks quite often. Where my chest tightens and my heart races and I think I'm going to die no matter what I tell myself. I also obsess over things that may not be wrong with me. Like, if some rash shows up, I'll look it up on the internet over and over and over thinking it's something deadly and I'm going to die or something. Every time I walk down a set of stairs I have to walk SO SLOW because I always imagine my ankles snapping and me falling down.... And I'm not sure what this is, but for some reason I always feel the need to stretch/strain/twitch my neck and right hand a lot.. Not involuntary, it's just that I feel I NEED to.. I don't know. I also have to do things the same way every night before I go to bed, or when I get out of the shower, etc. Which I guess is OCD.

Another weird weird thing that I don't really know how to explain is this. This hasn't happened too recently:
I start like.. thinking, like who am I? And is this really happening right now? Sort of, is this real life? kind of thing... I totally freak out and I don't really know if everything that is happening is ACTUALLY going on.. I freak out so bad. I was washing in the shower one time while it happened and I ended up scratching myself so hard to the point where I was bleeding.. Sometimes I worry that I'll never be able to come back from it. It is SO HARD to explain so I'm just going to stop there.

Also.. I've never really told anyone. My mom does know that I'm antisocial and worry about being around people, but she doesn't know to what extent. This is why I'm worried on what to do. I don't really want to tell her because I fear I'll be seen as weird or be a big disappointment. Another thing is that doctors terrify me..

[CarJim75]

Your not a failure, try to take baby steps. Set small goals for yourself. I would say yes visit a doctor.

[dazza]

Apart from these minor symptoms - you're fine, yes? Lol.

Oh my lordy... where to start?

Your head is full of irrational fears. I would suggest a very good therapist is the only way forward for you hon? Seen one at all?

[troy294]

I am going through a similar similar thing it's very hard and gets hard but ya just gotta try and battle through it and realise you WIL get better

[troy294]

Marinax- if ya want someone to talk to by all means email me As I'm going through a very similar thing .

[laurandisorder]

Oh honey

At your age, I went from being a 'normal' teenager to a depressed almost reclusive lone wolf lonely/sad/scared girl - kind of like what you describe yourself as. Reading this just broke my heart because it reminded me of just how hard the transition from high school to university was for me too.

Firstly, you need to talk to your parents and be honest with them. Depending on your relationship with them, they probably already know that something isn't right.

Secondly, you need to go and see a Doctor because the fears, the sadness and the isolation that you feel could be depression or anxiety or both.

Thirdly, some of the things you are feeling and normal. After high school we are faced with all kinds of questions; Who am I outside of the context of school? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be? It's all part of leaving school and the confines of academia and entering the big wide world - which is particularly hard if you feel like a small fish, a small fish that doesn't like to swim.

You are obviously not happy, but it sounds like you're sick of the life you lead and you WANT to be happy. You have to decide what else you want too - do you want to go to college? Do you want to get a job and go straight to the workforce? What do you like doing?

You can't let anxiety, sadness and fear rule your life forever. Whilst I still struggle to deal with my issues, I do everything in my power to fight it; psychiatrist, psychologist, medication, forcing myself out of my comfort zone and celebrating my successes. You can do it too - if you want it bad enough.

Good luck.

[EMZ]

Sounds like you have a bit of OCD, anxiety and derealisation. Don't stress yourself out, you'll be fine.

[Marinax]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I have a few questions though.

1. Do you think I can manage on my own, or should I go to a doctor of some sort?
2. How do I tell my parents about this? I don't want to seem odd or like a freak..

[troy294]

It's hard to manage us self but it is hard

[troy294]

If u think within your self it will help u , go to doctor and be put on something . In regards to telling family , if u r close to family I think u should , ya never know they might have been through it them selves