I'm having a hard time with my current relationship.

[Akochyle]

I'm still in high school, ive never been popular, infact I was bullied most of my life, and I still get bullied to this day.
My life at home isn't the best, my dad left when I was young, died of overdose roughly a year or two ago. I only have about 3 friends, one of them being my boyfriend. And my mom gets mad over everything, I barely talk and I'm a good kid, she just has anger issues, and has hit me before.

Everyone I know from my family has anxiety disorder, and so do I. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 5 months now, we have the Sameinterests, and he seems to really like me.

I'm VERY shy, I will talk to people, but I get anxiety attacks immediately afterwards.

Now getting to the point, I HATE, absolutely HATE, when people touch me, it makes me want to cry.
My boyfriend knows I get anxiety attacks a lot, but I don't think he gets it. He's my first boyfriend, and we both liked each other, so he asked me out, we were friends for about 6 months prior.

He always wants to hug me, and I put up with it, but I still feel uneasy. The farthest we've gone is kissing, only like a peck, and I put up with that as well. Lately he's been touching my butt, and I just kept pulling up his hand, but when I told him it made me feel uncomfortable, he just kept bugging me with it, I really do think he thought I was joking around, because I laughed to hide the pain, but I really couldn't take it.

I can't say I love him, I'm not like that really, but I do have strong feelings for him, and this has NOTHING to do with him. I just don't know what to say if he touches me again, or wants to make out , which I dread.
I think he understand I dont want to have sex, but still, please help?

[GadGal]

Sweetheart you need to sit him down and explain to him what you have just written down here, you need to explain that you have some anxiety issues and you can't quite identify them, that you aren't completely comfortable with touching and affection just yet, then I recommend you see a therapist if you can get access to one if not I think you should try and help yourself..
You not being affectionate I am assuming is a learned behavior because of your family situation, you haven't Been able to be affectionate you have just learnt to be quiet.
Gathering also from your family situation you may have quite a few trust issues you feel if you make your mum angry then you might make anyone angry when it comes to expressing your feelings,but by the sounds of things your boyfriend really likes you so he deserves to know how you are feeling, he may not understand now that's why he assumes you are joking but he can't understand unless you try to explain. You are not alone in this I have similar issues I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he still hasn't seen me naked and I also don't like to be touched. It is something you can break out of but I think first you need to accept that the feelings and emotions you feel when it comes to affection need to be recognized,, I am here to talk and if you open your heart and talk to a friend or your boyfriend I'm sure someone out there will be willing to listen and help you. I feel for you and if you can seriously see a therapist because talking about your feelings open and honestly will truly help you to solve them!

[topeka999]

If this guy really cares about you and is good for you, he will understand if you sit him down and talk about it - GadGal is right. I had a problem with my boyfriend like this one too, but once we talked it out (it took several hours), things got a lot better.