I cannot bare to tell anyone of my anxieties. I've tried for so long to help myself. I was terrified of speaking to people over the phone and answering the door to people I didnt know, but I chose jobs that put me in contact with others daily and required phone use. This helps once I get used to it but if I stop and go on holiday or the environment changes (new job or new apartment) it comes back.
I can go for weeks just getting on with things, sticking to a strict schedule helped. I found myself with an injury recently that distrupted my routine and my worries have come back. Weekends are the hardest to get through as its two days by myself. Sometimes I find myself eating until I'm sore, other times I don't want to leave my house. It has caused me to gain weight and I am not feeling too good about myself because of it.
The hardest part is I moved very far away from my family for work and I know they accept me no matter my mood or size and I miss that comfortable feeling as I cannot seem to accept myself.
I have only had one intimite relationship and it was long distance, I could choose and prepare to be with him as I wished. This was over 2 years ago.
I have it lodged in my head that this is just how I am and its just how things will be, but a part of me knows this isn't right and I don't want to lose getting the most out of life. I act so confident around others and I am often described as 'the stable one' but it is only because I don't share my issues and I don't show it through viewable means other than changes in weight.
There is a lot of change going on in my life right now and I am not happy with any aspect of it but I am trying to change that.
Is it possible to get through something like this on your own or am I just kidding myself? I'm getting tired of these cycles.