Hey everyone! I had a very good night and i wanted to spread the hope to you guys out there struggling. Just this morning i felt hopeless. I laid around all day in bed home alone feeling unable and just scared to move from my anxiety induced dizziness and i was fearful to even get in the shower. I was scared to even shower thats crazy. I was a greasey mess! With this being day 5 or so of me doing this routine of not doing anything but staring at the wall i couldnt bear it anymore. Ive been agoraphobic and bored with walking down my street so I had a random thought to go swimming! So i grabbed my dog and we went swimming. I was nervous but it felt good to doggy paddle around and move my body. Doing that started a chain of good things! I got out of the pool and pushed myself to shower. I felt great in there. I even shaved my legs and armpits (they were hairy lol) and got out feeling fresh. Then on a roll i called my dad at work and told him id like to get some food when he got off work. I had a little bit of anticipatory anxiety so i took .25mg xanax which is a very small dose and i still have panic attacks with this dose but i didnt wanna feel drugged up. Id rather feel anxiety just mildly to know im alert and alive than to be so messed up on xanax that i dont remember anything lol. But i was going to do this i was determined. We went to a very busy packed loud sports bar and bad a great meal. I just didnt overthink anything. Didnt think about my fears. I am also usually scared in cars but this didnt happen there or back i was all good and it felt great!
Sometimes i started to panic but i was able to keep it low. Panic attacks are scary until you learn to just accept them. Besides they ALWAYS pass and you feel fantastic afterwards! Like you just orgasmed kind of lmao u guys know that ahhh i made it feeling....
I know i have bad days ahead but i also know theres good ones. If yoj read my posts around here you can see my despair lately. I really needed today. Because like many of you ive been very discouraged. A friend of mine told me the other day that sitting in a house alone not doing anything for days on end is enough to drive anyone crazy, let alone someone with phobias and anxiety! Im on cloud 9 right now.
My best advice (which is easier said than done but work on it) is get out and do something. Do lawn work, go swimming in your pool, take your dog for a walk. Do anything BESIDES paying attention to every little gargle and pop that happens inside your body. Anxiety isnt dangerous - we are blessed to be alive. All of this can be conquered and controlled its just a matter of finding it within yourself. I know it sucks, and its scary. But you got this!!!