Monday Morning Meeting at Work is Killing me

[Dave G]

Every Monday at work we have a meeting first thing in the morning. Our company values everyone being on the same page and staying current on the issues in the industry, so we meet to discuss our work and the industry in general. For the record, I work for a company that owns and manages coal reserves.

I've been working there for about a year and a half - it was my first "big boy job" out of college. I was always so high strung in college and really put pressure on myself to succeed. After succeeding in college and landing this job, the pressure I put on myself never really went away. I have this constant feeling that my job is on the line. Even though I've established myself in the company and I don't think I'm being monitored, I always have this feeling that I need to perform to a certain level that is almost certainly above anyone's expectations. I have this fear in the back of my head telling me "What if I get fired? What if the company realizes they don't need me and would do fine without me?" I put this pressure on myself every day.

During the Monday morning meetings we talk about what we've done, in general, the past week - and what is on the agenda for the immediate future. It's hard to explain my position in the company, but let's just say I'm on the computer end and provide assistance to property managers who are actually out in the field all week managing our properties and staying in touch with lessees. Naturally, the land managers are the guys doing the bulk of the work, and they have the most to talk about during the Monday morning meeting. However, everyone is expected to talk during the meeting, land managers, geologists, computer guys like me, etc. The meeting is primarily a way for our boss to hear from all the managers at once and get everyone current on the happenings in the company, and what us geologists and computer guys have to say is really last priority.

So essentially, what I have to say I've been doing all week and what is on my agenda is really small beans to our boss, but we are expected to talk. We go around the table in the same order every week - and the whole time I sit there thinking of what all i need to say. I write myself a script in my head of what I'm going to say and I sit there rehearsing it in my head. As the people take their turns talking, it gets closer and closer to my turn. By the time it's the guys turn before me, my legs feel weak and begin to shake, I get pounding heart palpitations, and everything I had rehearsed in my head just meshes together. When I actually go to speak I am ridiculously nervous and just want all the attention off of me. I can feel and hear trembling in my voice. You know how there are those really good strong speakers, like politicians? I feel like the opposite of that. I want my voice to come out strong and confident, but instead I feel like that little voice in the room that people are just waiting to get through so they can hear the bigger issues. I mean, who really cares about what database I'm building right now or what kind of drafting I've been doing? But there's the conundrum - I am expected to talk, but I feel like no one cares about what I have to say.

I must admit, the longer I've worked here the better it's gotten. I guess getting more comfortable within the company and understanding what everyone's talking about as they go around the table has helped me to be a little less nervous, but on a scale of 1-10 I'd say I'm consistently at a stress level of 8-9 in those meetings. I've tried telling myself "Don't be nervous. I know I'm a good worker, and everyone probably sees that" But I feel like during the meeting is my chance to show them "Hey, I've been working hard - this is what's on my plate." instead, I seem weak - which puts fear in to me and makes me think "I've been working hard, but no one knows it because I make myself seem useless in the meetings."

I guess this is just a confidence issue interlaced with some social phobia. I hate Mondays.

[guitarist]

Too bad you are so stressed because of the meetings! I can immagine that it's hard for you to do, but on the other hand.... you are doing it! And you say you feel like the little voice in the room, but hey...if you wouldn't do your job properly, they would notice. So you are important.
I understand it's hard, but try not to focus on what others might think about what you have to say during these meetings. Who knows...you might not be the only one who is stressed out. Lots of people hate to speak in public. Try to do breathing excersices as well. Maybe it helps a little. Good luck!

[alankay]

Yes social anxiety for which I use propranolol 20mg-40mg(great for tremor/racing heart/shaking) but if you can keep at it, you will likely become more calm. Ask your doc about propranolol of you really are at and 8-9.
I'm in IT as well and your bosses and coworkers understand you may or may not have tons to say all the time. I would concetrate on what support needs to be aware of to faciliate business. Take notice of changes, etc, that would need more or special IT support, identify and outline how you would like to support them for given cases. Try to anticipate IT needs those in the "field" will need. Some days you'll have a few things to talk about and that's OK. Others more.
You are right, you expect a great deal from yourself and that can be bad if you are very critical of yourself. You are likely being way too hard on yourself and think everbody is at least as hard but are not. It's OK to be that way until it starts to take away from your performance and quailty of life. Throttle back and and try to understand they don't need a miracle worker but a reliable and upstanding chap in the job who is "with the program". PM me any time. Alankay

[Dave G]

Thanks for the input guys. What you say makes sense - it really does. I think next Monday I'll try to go into the meeting with a different mentality. I usually start every Monday dreading the meeting, which is dooming me from the get-go. If I go in with a different mindset and expect a little less from myself, maybe it will be less stressful for me. Also, I started Zoloft last week - maybe that will help down the road. I will keep you all posted and maybe create another thread Monday to talk about my progress, or lack thereof. Thanks again for your time and comments.

[alankay]

I think trying Zoloft is a good thing to try. That should help you worry a bit less and feel better that way. It will take some time though so hang in there. Alankay

[guitarist]

Good to here you are trying a different mindset! I think it's the best thing you can do at the moment. Hopefully the Zoloft will help you!

[Dave G]

I had my meeting yesterday morning. If last week was a 8-9, this week was a 6-7. I did wake up that morning telling myself to expect a little less and not put so much pressure on myself. I think I told myself so much that I began to psych myself out, realizing that I was thinking about it too much. In the meeting there were a few people missing, so it wasn't as packed as usual - which helped. I felt fine most of the time - until the person before me started to talk. Then the "oh shit, I'm next" feeling hit me. I got the sinking in my stomach and lump in my throat, felt my legs get weak and shakey, and had tremors in my hands.

Sometimes I wish I had a video of myself during these things so I can see what I look like and try to fix myself. But then again, that would be no better than my constant self-monitoring, which causes me anxiety in the first place.

I will continue to work on handling these meetings, but would really appreciate any help or input. Talking on this forum helps me a lot since I don't talk about any of these issues in my "real life"

[alankay]

I can tell you from video's of myself, you feel it way more than others see it. For sure. Alankay

[guitarist]

Great to hear that the stresslevel was lower this time! Always a good thing. Little steps. People will not recognice or your anxiety. People call me a relaxt person, even when I suffer anxiety. If you try to breath slowly and say what you have to say, without trying to speed it up, people will not notice. Good luck. Remember yourself that you are able to do it!

[autumnmu]

I think it.s perfectly normal too be nervous in a work meeting, but I have gad, so...that's why! Work is its own animal to tame because, I'd toy think about it, you sort of are being judged. If you are doing everything you can to be a productive employee, then think about that...only. "I am doing everything I can to be a valuable asset to Initech. I really am striving to produce the best product I can and be a reliable resource and teammate." I mean, what else can you do, really? Actually being laid off did wonders for my work related anxiety. it taught me that my job is temporary and i.m ok with that now!