Hi there! I have a few questions pertaining to anxiety.
First of all, let me start by saying that I'm a 15 year old girl and have a long history of medical problems. I won't get into details, but I had/have chronic Lymes Disease, severe OCD, and anorexia. I was diagnosed as having generalized anxiety disorder and mild depression in addition to those other things, but I honestly don't think I'm depressed (as I put it, nothing about how I feel is "depressed;" everything is intensified). It was also suggested that I was experiencing depersonalization/derealization disorder. This was this past July. I was prescribed Lexapro and like four other drugs but I refuse to take any for reasons I won't get into here.
All of my life I have had really irrational, abstract fears that turn into obsessions. When I was younger I would get into these, like, weird, contemplative mental states and completely psych myself out. I remember at one point I decided that people looked weird and I freaked out every single time I looked in a mirror. There was also a period of time where I was terrified of "becoming" a lesbian (which is really hilarious to me in retrospect, but that's besides the point) and I have a tendency to get extremely obsessive over people and situations.
I'm a pretty introspective person and I like philosophy and religion, and so I expose myself to a lot of broad concepts and ideas. Over the past few months I've become obsessed with the question of why we even do things -- like, why we get into relationships when we know they'll end. Or why we're even alive when we know it's all going to end eventually. I know for a fact these thoughts are irrational and I understand what the purpose of both relationships and life itself is, but I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I also fear forgetting things and feeling divorced from my life, though not in a depersonalization-esque way. It's more like I don't want to look back on my life and feel like it was weird or a bad dream or something...kind of like I want to be acquainted with my past and remember it fondly and not judge myself for my actions or whatever. I struggle to explain this to people because it's so vague and (as I said above) abstract in concept, but that fear and those similar are rather consuming. Is this a product of anxiety or what?
Also...I say this at the risk of sounding absolutely insane, but does anyone else deal with, like, "vibes?" Both good and bad? Kind of like when you're reading a book and it just registers as having a certain "feel" to it. Except you don't need to read a book to experience it -- you just do. Randomly. And they can be kind of frightening sometimes or really good. I literally cannot go into some stores because they make me so unsettled. Is this anxiety or what?
(Gee, I hope this made sense.)