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  1. Thread: In Tears

    by raggamuffin
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    In Tears

    For a long time I've felt on edge, like I'm about to breakdown in floods of tears. Sat here in a bathroom stall at work, ive finally unravelled.

    The office has families of seagulls with...
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    So, what do I do? I escape as best as I can....

    So, what do I do? I escape as best as I can. Avoidance – it’s not a cure, it’s plastering over the cracks. Headphones at work, lunch time walks through the woods and meditating by the lake. Getting...
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    So I'm past 200 days sober now. In August I’m...

    So I'm past 200 days sober now. In August I’m looking to begin therapy sessions again. These will be the 3rd lot of sessions with my current therapist. Out of the 4 I have seen over the years I feel...
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    The temp has left our team - that in itself has...

    The temp has left our team - that in itself has reduced stress hugely. However, when she left, I found my mind was still honing in on voices and noises I disliked. No matter how loud or chaotic the...
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    Day 111 - this is in 2 parts as I hit the world...

    Day 111 - this is in 2 parts as I hit the world limit for a single post

    No weed or alcohol. I've yet to try quitting porn again after relapsing on day 38. I have used porn a lot less and I do find...
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    I think one trait I find especially difficult is...

    I think one trait I find especially difficult is how self-centred I feel. Depression feels selfish, and in a way - self made. If I wasn't here, my depression wouldn't continue to exist independent of...
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    Day 87 My therapist assured me eventually...

    Day 87

    My therapist assured me eventually depression will lessen thanks to sobriety. Right now, it feels like it's having the opposite effect. Substances were used to take the edge off. Yes, they...
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    Today marks day 66. Things remain the same for...

    Today marks day 66. Things remain the same for the most part. Highs and lows feel more intense. I had noticed that some of the stranger habits I have are occurring more frequently.

    Years ago I...
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    Day 43 no weed or booze. Day 0 of porn. It's a...

    Day 43 no weed or booze. Day 0 of porn. It's a shame - feeling myself slipping into that old, self-destructive habit again. I feel like a failure, but when I take a step back I don't feel like I'm...
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    I messed up on day 38 with regards to porn. Past...

    I messed up on day 38 with regards to porn. Past few days cravings had been intense. These feelings had been building and I stupidly caved in. Felt worse off afterwards. Resetting the counter back to...
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    There is no porn - it's one of the things I quit...

    There is no porn - it's one of the things I quit on 1st December. I will be cutting down severely on junk food in a few months once I've paid off the money I owe. Then I'll have enough for healthier...
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    I understand the struggle with smoking as it took...

    I understand the struggle with smoking as it took me several attempts to quit smoking. In the early days of smoking cannabis I mixed it with tobacco. When I started smoking weed again most recently...
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    Day 35. Cravings for substances are few and far...

    Day 35. Cravings for substances are few and far between.

    Cravings for porn have been very strong in recent days. It comes up once or twice a day, but the thoughts and urges are very strong. This...
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    I'm on day 29 of no porn, weed or alcohol....

    I'm on day 29 of no porn, weed or alcohol. Cravings aren't as prevalent. Guilt, depression and anxiety continues to peak and trough. I'm doing my best to keep busy to prevent dwelling on these old...
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    Stunning vocals ...

    Stunning vocals


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzyNWyZhUS0

    Help me, if you can
    It's just that this is not the way I'm wired
    So, could you please help me understand why
    You've given in to...
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    How to overcome any symptom

    I was always dubious of quick fixes or integrating advice I got from other people into my own experiences with anxiety and the overwhelming aches, pains and symptoms that were born of stress, panic...
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    I'm on day 21 now and I've noticed some changing...

    I'm on day 21 now and I've noticed some changing thoughts of late.

    Originally I thought that no porn was enough and I was 15 days into quitting porn when I decided to stop masturbating as well. I...
  18. Speaking of a colossal waste of mental energy -...

    Speaking of a colossal waste of mental energy - I'm planning on quitting my 25 year gaming addiction in spring. Just trying to work my way through going cold turkey off 4 at the moment. But gaming...
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    "Hi, how are you?" "Fine." The question is a...

    "Hi, how are you?"
    "Fine."

    The question is a social nicety - as is my response. In truth I rarely feel fine. At best I'd say I feel uncomfortable; whether this is mentally or physically. There's...
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    It'll be two weeks tomorrow. There hasn't been a...

    It'll be two weeks tomorrow. There hasn't been a great deal of change in mindet or general health and wellbeing at this point. I'll admit, there's a good deal more clarity when I'm not living in a...
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    Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoy...

    Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoy reading what I have to share. I have often wondered what my artwork would look like had I been given the opportunity to study art in college and...
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    I enjoy writing, although I've never written a...

    I enjoy writing, although I've never written a book. Over the years I frequented a website that enabled me to write 20,000 word or so profiles that turned into mini autobiographies. I'd often get...
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    Further to the above, an interesting snippet from...

    Further to the above, an interesting snippet from a 2016 news article:

    Today, it is believed the online porn sector is worth around $15 billion, and it reaches more people, and younger people,...
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    Porn is a really unnerving habit that is seen as...

    Porn is a really unnerving habit that is seen as perfectly normal - when it's anything but. Even if what's being watched is rather vanilla, it's still voyeurism. If it weren't behind a monitor, and...
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    In of itself weed isn't the worst, but it's easy...

    In of itself weed isn't the worst, but it's easy to let it slip into a daily routine and live in a cloud. Paired with alcohol it makes a very different and very powerful high which I'd been abusing...
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