-
Journal Entry 05/05/2019: - 08:04 AM: Whatever way you look at it, whether it be from the balcony of a palace or the slums of the gutters; the world we have co-created is a toxic place. The divisions within society all have their own specific ways to avoiding it. Yet much of the theory, philosophy, ideals and concepts that each subscribes to just seem to play into the madness. What to do? Unsubscribe? Go Bush? Now there's a thought! Although that sudden change tends to also drive people insane. Transition seems to be key.
I remembering writing about the importance in transition when it came to my efforts in healing and stability. Lately since watching the documentary on WATER I can't help but also think of the TRANSMISSION. More in terms of transmitting and transference. How easily emotions spread. Sometimes its sudden and other times it's residual. The residual capable of penetrating those of us that think we are invincible. Understanding how emotion affects on the biological level makes for a good cased to master them. (I ponder how insightful 'Vulcan' Philosophy may be :) ) Intention however is the catalyst to where most people end up before they even begin. This being where I struggle the most with how I see people selling New Age philosophy. This comes from a context of someone who also does not accept religion. Whilst I glean from it like I do anything, I find relgion more a mechanism for mass control despite many of it's 'worshipers' meaning well. Those few who seem unaffected and go on to live non judgmental lives help me see the rituals, robes and hierarchy differently. But that's a very complex breakdown I would struggle to put into words. Despite myself having issues with the bigger picture, there are those who live within those toxic systems that are open and nonjudgmental. Genuine people who just want everyone to get along like them. If only we could find more like them. hmmm ... Making connections with these people is still not easy.
Best I can think in those terms is more a case that we do our best to become like them. Then ... maybe then connections will come into play. When I say connection, I don't mean like become best buddies and go out for tea or join some club. Just a simple acknowledgement whilst passing will do. When coming from an unstable state of being (especially a long term cycle/stint) and moving about in public for the first time with the intention to be seen - now that's tricky stuff! What do I mean by ... 'be seen' ... I just mean go out without being scared, self doubting and all that kind of thing.
Anyone can claim they go out in public - but when I take a good look around in the most objective manner I can ... whilst I am seeing more genuine people (resultant from my efforts to be more uplifted - ['raise my vibration' / excuse the hype with that term]) I am still seeing a lot of depressed and bitter people. But to be out in public and not react, be pompous, look vain, be loud, appear small, cringe, feel cramped or not to run or look for an escape.
It's not so easy when you have spent so much time hiding at home. But that's OK because I understand it well. Going outside regardless of one's state of being is not a pleasurable experience the way things are this day and age. Public places take on their own identities. They tend too can be too loud, overactive, pompous, assuming, and overly vain/image orientated. Is it any wonder we want to stay at home. Going to the shops can take some of us several days to recover before going out once more to 'get supplies.'
Yet - if I can understand this take, then why the fuck am I bothering? Well - whilst I don't 'feel' society is not going to survive and disagree with any kind of possy wossy shift taking place (extinction shift maybe) - I am into 'suffering less' and don't want to hate or feel bitter. I really wish I could feel love, give love and be loved. In that I also desire a more slower burning log. One whose light glows more softly, regardless if the world must rage on as it does. In order that I don't suffocate, I find getting out of the house does indeed help. Learning where to go and how to get there can be done. It's just that my focus is more towards the sun and nature as it's always been. Picking out small spaces with not so many people or even better ... larger spaces with no people. Yet I know just how important it is that we all learn to get along. Is a hard task when you can see so clearly how the cards are stacked against that.
Idealism, Patriotism, Nationalism and Religion have been embedded deeply into each and everyone of us from the moment we are born. All of those controlling mechanisms for the greater part, have spawn what in known as Separatism. Separatism divides and isolates. It's a more efficient method to separate parts when dealing with complexity and expanding numbers/people. I think it's mankind's mindset to creating it's own fractal pattern that whilst it seemingly mimics natures intrinsic design, the outcome is the complete opposite. Waking up to how thing are working on this planet, learning how we have been controlled and knowing why we are so limited ... That process is not some whimsical fan forced new age awe inspiring experience ... it's a stage of spiritual depression that requires something I am still struggling to find.
This be why - I feel this latest cycle for me is taking longer - to 'right my boat' compared to my previous attempts. That said, I do feel like I am learning more each time I fall into sheepish patterns, based on all the previously mentioned methods of 'preconditioning.'
__________________________________________________ _______
OK - Time to come up for air. Eating has been gong very well. Not easy - but rather clean. Feels good when accomplishing little goals - but more so because I am buying into the end result as having previously experienced what is was like to be clean. Perhaps then I will be less depressed when it comes to walking out my door.
Adios ... until next post.
-
The documentary about water was very interesting as is your journal. What happened to this forum? Did everyone suddenly get cured? or migrate somewhere else?
-
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/lol/running-lol.gif Holly crap ... someone actually posted! Forgive me friend. I'm not used to people passing by. It's a very nice surprise. TY.
I'm glad you liked the documentary on water. I've always been an advocate for cleaner water. That doco showed me there's a lot more than what I thought there was, to making clean water.
About The Forum:
Yea ... People used to post a LOT about having found or seeking some special cure. It's interesting that you used that word. Thanks for the laugh. For whatever reason, many think this is a place only to come if they are not doing well. Perhaps my continued effort being here during periods I was doing well was too much for most? I left the forum for a few months in the past hoping that if I was not here things would pick up. I've done that about twice now and still ... No Go. Forum is still rather inactive. Yet some people do read. That seems enough for me.
The forum is different to others and unique in many ways. Ways I feel that main stream preconditioned sufferers do not like.
Just My 2 Cents: - Theory - Clutching @ Straws?
1. No Moderators means this is a Self Moderated Forum. Less appealing for those members who only like to join to wave a stick and wear a special kind of hat. Having said that I now questions the style of one I just bought. Although not quite the same I think the point stands. It's a bit like some people who only have kids, or walk a dog, just to wave their hands and set the rules. God knows we see enough of those in online forums.
2. CONTENT - Perhaps not enough DRAMA. Due to no moderation - agendas are open to be picked apart and when the those less favored start to make a point - the populous begin to move on in search of a more drama filled forum. The is another fine lady who similar to me, could not tolerate too much BS. HI D! Although not always here, D does pop in from time to time or simply just reads. But Hey ... it's not about me or any other member who objects to this or that. It is and it is not. It's just a theory. BS is popular - but without moderation it's a LOT harder to sustain when others passionate for the truth and have no room for bubble and froth are unable to be silenced? Maybe its just because there were too many old farts left babbling in the corner speaking out about this and that. The world is surely screwed when it comes to all those clingy pop/cultured skin deep topics that incite Hollywood Drama ... even the old are still clingy and full of just as much shit. Again it is not about the young or old, but more the need for categories and like wise groups.
3. The Admin/Forum Creators perhaps not advertising as they once did? Perhaps they are not reading?
____________________________________
I am just clutching at straws and can only guess. I don't want to get all negative about it and welcome the option to have myself removed if indeed number 2 above, is more the reason. For now - I just continue as I do and as I have always done. I myself have tried moving on, but kind missed the space or freedom that I have found here. I have made a few blog posts elsewhere and whilst it did seem more like a void, and I lacked the confidence to feel like a 'real writer' (whatever that is) - Thus I kept coming back, where I finally decided to accept → 'To hell with it, I'll keep writing here till I am either removed or the forum suddenly disappears!' I'm also of the thinking that I would of by then become a more proficient writer where I could then write a dozen books. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif
Srry - OK ... I think this post will do. To wrap up. Very nice to meet you. Thank You very much for popping in. I do encourage you to post whatever, wherever, anytime you wish. The space this place offers and the freedoms here are quite unique. In hindsight of my own post, perhaps that void I struggle with elsewhere is what most main streamers struggle with when coming here. Each to their own.
I do wish the place was more active, but I myself do not require it. I rather try not to think about it as I'm sticking with my vow to write as I write - what happen happens.
Once again ... feel free to post about whatever. I am happy to engage. If your after something more active, I fully understand. I mean not to judge, yet propose that we are all hypocrites. Guilty as charged. :)
-
still reading, I do not feel good enough to post, Forgive me D, please
-
Totally understand. Sending warmest thoughts your way.
-
Thanks for explaining what has happened on this forum. I remember when this place crazy busy. I would just pass through and just to see what people had to say. I enjoyed reading posts from enduronman, jessed03 and even panicured...haha. But I guess like in life things change. Now I do enjoy your posts so keep on writing because people do read what you write. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one. Please to meet you and thanks for keeping this forum going.
-
Jessed is fine but he is not longer on forum or fb , he is living his life. I still have contact with some of people I had met here, :)
-
I'm glad you popped by omoplata. I also miss the gang ... even panicured :) I enjoyed the peace making process with some of the falling out episodes. Not that I meant to disagree for the sake of making up. lol. I guess that is another addictions of sorts. arrr what a world we live in. Yea life goes on. Me being older than I am, I guess I am just looking to stay long at each camp. Getting a bit slow to move on these days despite very much preferring to live the gypsy lifestyle myself. Of course not meaning AF Gypsy. I do hope as I do with the others the Gypsy is also doing OK? Your right though ... people come and go as well as move on. I'm thankful for the ongoing contact I have as well as those like yourself that come back from time to time.
-
Journal Entry 08/05/2019: I was busted eating a fatty breakfast just the other morning: http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sh...y-emoticon.gif
https://i.ibb.co/23HTzGg/Busted-Eaty...Breaakfast.jpg
Everything on that plate is designed to give me a heart attack. But #*@% it went down well!!! Like I said ... "Guilty as charged!"
Thankfully I have pulled up well and even things out since then. The medical center did call me in though as the doc was concerned about test results since re my recent hospital stay. I was sent off to the blood taking place (can't think of the right name - brain fog also escalating for me these days) with 4 jars, and a request for another jab + a script which I just reminded myself I must take tonight. I wont go into details except to say I really hate this getting old in 2019. I think I would care less if it was a hundred years ago, as in having nothing to compare it to would mean, I don't have to act all over the moon re BS modern tech. Once again the lady sticking the needle is was rather patronizing. Not meaning to repeat myself but as you might of seen the photos I recently posted; re the waiting seats in the medical center being the current state of things. I wish I could be more cheerful D - but I have to be honest and tell you I really hate the conveyor belt medical visits no matter what facility it be.
Sigh ... yea yea. I'm not buying this whole thing about striving to live longer. I wonder if you know what I mean D?
On a good note ... I am actually not in much pain. I am breaking out more with a buttery rash + burning on my face when I eat shit like in the above photo, however am able to counter it with remedies that you actually taught me a few years ago D. Of course I find getting the eating, sleep and stress/thoughts/thinking/attitude right is way better for the prevention of such epidermal breakouts. It's worse in the winter but hey ... that's life. Good to know a few tricks so I can avoid the medical centre and consequently pharmaceuticals. Sadly the doc wants me to try some steroid cream. She means well and to be honest she respects me plenty and I like to think I am returning the effort. She has in fact helped me more than a few times now. It took a bit of work having support workers and my therapist come on board to helping the doctor understand me better. It's all the inbetweens where I am losing my ability to hold it together ... the fast talking, fake niceties and well yea ... I'll say it again ... the patronizing way in which I see not just myself, but also see others being treated. What's worse is taking a look around and seeing 99.9999% act like sheep. That too me, ails me more than whatever mystery conditions I may or may not have.
Bla ... I think I am just on the conveyor belt too many times than I would like. Perhaps if I can fluke it and get like a whole year off seeing any of them, then perhaps I can afford to be all tolerant like and act as if I have it all together then. You know ... smile and pretend like that rest. Sigh.
I don't know. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I do hope though ... that this finds you well. Anyone is welcome to come on in and have a good bitch just like I have done.
Night night. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif
-
yeah seeing the pic made me hungry like hell. I hate tests and my dock needs to know what is going on, So I had test for proteins work. Something is high but they called telling me that is probably from my COPD. this Friday I have doc's appointment, I am already stressed even in new doc office I had never waited longer than 10 minutes.
Rushes, you know how I hate steroids but in my condition I need to have it, you can use it for few days, believe me it will not kill you. I was on prednisone; remeber, the worst thing ever, but life saving. Yesterday I got upset in pharmacy, the fucken goverment put tax 13% on Epi-pen it is life saving for me and tons of other people. I m not happy with what is going on
I am happy you are better :)